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Erm . .. I'm a guy wondering about where these women are.
Lol (making that clarification) Anyway, in my opinion, potential "dates" are and should be all around you. Just be mindful, that there are, some superficial people out there. Don't worry about what some women are saying. They are looking for something, particular. Just keep it moving, and they will come. Wink.
whatever man it all about what you like, if you like bones you like bones. That's why there is a girl out there for you, just not a women that can gain any weight. But the bad thing about a cute like petite girl is you need the H.I.V test. Big girls that stay big are less likely to have H.I.V. thats something to think about.
Now see, this is the kind of information that is not helpful in the community. Come on. As far as HIV is concerned, you can't just look at someone, and make generalizations, that's crazy. In case you haven't seen news clips and such, I've seen plenty of "healthy" "thick" women with HIV. People let's get the facts.
Well, I am one of those women that say that the good black men are few and far between, and I have female friends that chime in as well. We do not have low-self esteem, we have self-respect. We have some basic standards, we are not picky. Below is a thread I posted yesterday....
We go to sporting events, museums, art festivals, bookstores,etc. Not looking for anyone in particular, but open to the possibility. And as usual we all come back, after having a great time, wondering why we can't share these experiences with our male counterparts.
And with regard to the weight issue, most of the guys that want Beyonce rather than Monique, aren't Tyson Beckford or Will Smith (in I Am Legend) themselves. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I've seen a good looking fit woman with a portly out of shape man. And that dilemma transcends race as well.
yeah and that white guy charging me up cause i spoke the truth about black women was complete milarky. white men don't realize that as easy as it is for black men to kick it with white women, its just as easy for a white man to get a black woman (if their even attracted to black women at all). first thing a black woman thinks when a whiteman hollars at them is "oh ****! financial security!" so of course a typical golddigging black woman is gonna give a white dude some play. i remember back in the 90s, black women used to say, "only reason why black men are running off to white women is because they do things for black men that black women would never consider doing" (like oral sex). well the same thing applies to white dudes and black women. black women know that the things white men will buy for her, a typical thug dude from the streets will not buy her. and even if the thug brother bought her some expensive crap, she has to worry about where the black man get the money from to get her that expensive ass purse. golddigging black chicks know that the white man's money is clean and legal unlike the thugged out drug dealer from the streets.
I'm going to try to turn this conversation back to the OP and try to give him some solid advice...
Okay, JAVA378, are you loooking for a serious relationship, or just someone to hook up with?
Don't waste away your twenties thinking you can be a playa now and settle down later... a strong of broken relationship in your past is a lot of baggage to bring into a relationship and can destroy you chances to build love and trust with the right person.... not to the mention the possibility one broken condom can leave you with the baggage of a child w/ a woman you would not have chosen to be your child's mother.
Since you are asking this question, I am going to think you aren't the playa type, using women and throwin' em out... perhaps you are on the shy side and afraid to approach women?
Make it your first priority to be a good friend to the women you already know, and to expand your circle of female friends.... if necessary, learn the art of small talk, good manners and good social skills. This may sound like crazy advise, but I've seen a lot of totally clueless guys who don't seem to know how to initiate and maintain a conversation - never mind maintaining a friendship and building a relationship.
Here's a starting point... ask her to questions about what she wants from life, her dreams and aspirations, what inspires her, etc, etc....
Don't overlook Internet dating sites, pony up for the site fee to get access to women who are serious about meeting a good guy.... my brother met his wife through matchmaker [dot] com.... I have a friend who is currently dating a guy she met through E-Harmony and they look to be a great match....
Get involved in church and charity organizations, join a singles group at a church or if church ain't your thing, find a singles group which regularly plans events/mixers - these type of groups exist, I just don't have the 411 on the name of such groups in Atlanta, but I have a friend who met his wife through a singles group in the Twin Cities.
Even after you graduate, take night classes, or self-improvement classes, to further your career... women find men who are working on themselves and their careers attractive.... even if you ain't quite there yet - you're still young so still working on your career and not being in the money as of yet isn't so bad.
What are your interests? Find local groups with people who share your interests. Get off the couch, turn off the T.V. and take up a hobby or cause! [Big brothers sound like a great program!]
Join a gym, I personally like the community feeling of YMCAs, go to the gym and workout at 6:30 AM.... people who want to get the day off to a good start and be successful in their lives often start out their day by working out.
When you find a woman to date, treat her right! Be open and honest with any woman you are in a relationship with... nothing beats raw honesty in a relationship. Self confidence is important, but let's make it real! If you don't want to date sl-ts, don't be a male sl-t. You reap what you sow. Hold out for the woman of your dreams [make your dreams realistic] and build trust into your relationship from the get go because she'll know you aren't a playa...
++++
I am not a black woman. I am a woman. Black, white, whatever.... women are women. We all want a decent man with whom we can love, with whom we can communicate honestly, build trust, and build a life. Period.
When I met my husband, of 19 years, I honestly was not interested in him at first sight... I had never dated a black guy and I wasn't interested in dating a black guy. Love & relationships are complicated enough already, why add that huge issue to the mix? Or so I thought.... but then I met my husband and we became friends. I quickly realized that "huge issue" of race can easily be trumped by common interests, life goals, faith and values.... when all is said and done, we are all just people looking for a connection.
Sometimes the magnet attraction is strongest between opposites.... that's just the way it is.... all the stereotyping talk is just not helpful... I know it's tempting to make generalizations and form opinions from those generalizations, but really, the generalizations often are more hurtful than helpful.
My point is ... when you are looking for a partner, you are looking for a person with whom you can build a life... black, white, or whatever... first and foremost, you need to build a strong foundation of friendship.
Rant over.
Last edited by StPaulEastSider; 04-26-2009 at 03:01 PM..
I'm going to try to turn this conversation back to the OP and try to give him some solid advice...
Okay, JAVA378, are you loooking for a serious relationship, or just someone to hook up with?
Don't waste away your twenties thinking you can be a playa now and settle down later... a strong of broken relationship in your past is a lot of baggage to bring into a relationship and can destroy you chances to build love and trust with the right person.... not to the mention the possibility one broken condom can leave you with the baggage of a child w/ a woman you would not have chosen to be your child's mother.
Since you are asking this question, I am going to think you aren't the playa type, using women and throwin' em out... perhaps you are on the shy side and afraid to approach women?
Make it your first priority to be a good friend to the women you already know, and to expand your circle of female friends.... if necessary, learn the art of small talk, good manners and good social skills. This may sound like crazy advise, but I've seen a lot of totally clueless guys who don't seem to know how to initiate and maintain a conversation - never mind maintaining a friendship and building a relationship.
Here's a starting point... ask her to questions about what she wants from life, her dreams and aspirations, what inspires her, etc, etc....
Don't overlook Internet dating sites, pony up for the site fee to get access to women who are serious about meeting a good guy.... my brother met his wife through matchmaker [dot] com.... I have a friend who is currently dating a guy she met through E-Harmony and they look to be a great match....
Get involved in church and charity organizations, join a singles group at a church or if church ain't your thing, find a singles group which regularly plans events/mixers - these type of groups exist, I just don't have the 411 on the name of such groups in Atlanta, but I have a friend who met his wife through a singles group in the Twin Cities.
Even after you graduate, take night classes, or self-improvement classes, to further your career... women find men who are working on themselves and their careers attractive.... even if you ain't quite there yet - you're still young so still working on your career and not being in the money as of yet isn't so bad.
What are your interests? Find local groups with people who share your interests. Get off the couch, turn off the T.V. and take up a hobby or cause! [Big brothers sound like a great program!]
Join a gym, I personally like the community feeling of YMCAs, go to the gym and workout at 6:30 AM.... people who want to get the day off to a good start and be successful in their lives often start out their day by working out.
When you find a woman to date, treat her right! Be open and honest with any woman you are in a relationship with... nothing beats raw honesty in a relationship. Self confidence is important, but let's make it real! If you don't want to date sl-ts, don't be a male sl-t. You reap what you sow. Hold out for the woman of your dreams [make your dreams realistic] and build trust into your relationship from the get go because she'll know you aren't a playa...
++++
I am not a black woman. I am a woman. Black, white, whatever.... women are women. We all want a decent man with whom we can love, with whom we can communicate honestly, build trust, and build a life. Period.
When I met my husband, of 19 years, I honestly was not interested in him at first sight... I had never dated a black guy and I wasn't interested in dating a black guy. Love & relationships are complicated enough already, why add that huge issue to the mix? Or so I thought.... but then I met my husband and we became friends. I quickly realized that "huge issue" of race can easily be trumped by common interests, life goals, faith and values.... when all is said and done, we are all just people looking for a connection.
Sometimes the magnet attraction is strongest between opposites.... that's just the way it is.... all the stereotyping talk is just not helpful... I know it's tempting to make generalizations and form opinions from those generalizations, but really, the generalizations often are more hurtful than helpful.
My point is ... when you are looking for a partner, you are looking for a person with whom you can build a life... black, white, or whatever... first and foremost, you need to build a strong foundation of friendship.
Rant over.
I was looking for a serious relationship. It's been two years now.
plenty of good black men in atlanta, instead of looking for them in the strip club or the nightclub look for them at the local colleges, in the bookstores, in the musems, political or business functions, sporting events, etc
I've posted before about meeting people of like interests. I do believe it is possible to meet people of like interest in places where those interests are explored/expressed i.e. bookstores, museums, whatever you're into. But I have to say, from personal experience, I have met many an educated man with similar interests. However, specifically in Atlanta, I have found that these men feel (and some will tell you flat out) that no matter how great you are, they have "options."
I've posted before about meeting people of like interests. I do believe it is possible to meet people of like interest in places where those interests are explored/expressed i.e. bookstores, museums, whatever you're into. But I have to say, from personal experience, I have met many an educated man with similar interests. However, specifically in Atlanta, I have found that these men feel (and some will tell you flat out) that no matter how great you are, they have "options."
Yes. I am 24 but only really tend to date older men i.e. at least 28, usually in the 30's. Even these guys don't want to settle down here! The only black men I have come across at least thus far that are looking for a commitment are those in their 40s. In my travels elsewhere, it is very different.
Yes. I am 24 but only really tend to date older men i.e. at least 28, usually in the 30's. Even these guys don't want to settle down here! The only black men I have come across at least thus far that are looking for a commitment are those in their 40s. In my travels elsewhere, it is very different.
I should add that I've been in Atlanta for three years now. I should make a caveat. This is not ALL men. But I have just noticed that it seems that men here generally feel like they don't HAVE to settle down and don't see a purpose for it.
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Welcome to City-Data.com forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with 700,000 other registered members. User profiles and some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your free account you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 15,000 posts/day about local topics and you will see fewer ads. 
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