Black dating question (Atlanta: school, clubs, bill)

[I-AM]

Originally Posted by chip1980

plenty of good black men in atlanta, instead of looking for them in the strip club or the nightclub look for them at the local colleges, in the bookstores, in the musems, political or business functions, sporting events, etc

Most single women, 23 to 35 have children. I want to be a father, but just not right now - still building and completing my foundation, and being a parent in this day in age is a whole other beast in itself. Parenting and discipline is practically non-existant, parents and children want to be best friends, and etc.

[Atlantasfinest]

Originally Posted by I-AM

Most single women, 23 to 35 have children. I want to be a father, but just not right now - still building and completing my foundation, and being a parent in this day in age is a whole other beast in itself. Parenting and discipline is practically non-existant, parents and children want to be best friends, and etc.

You might want to check your social circle and the places your hanging out at to meet women. Try more upscale places in midtown, buckhead, downtown, castleberry hill, VaHI and professional parties, meetings, meetups, networking functions, etc. Most of the Black women I encounter and hang out with who are in the 22-28 age range do not have any children. Even the women that I meet in clubs and bar in that speficic age range don't have children and most assume that I have kids since most of the guys who they know in my age range already have children from a previous relationship or out of wedlock for the most part. I've learnt to deal with it since it's a major stereotype of a Black Man who is in his mid-late 20's. Honestly it's kind of an un-spoken advantage when it comes to dating Black Women since they see you've been somewhat responsible in that respect of your life.

[lookinround]

FWIW, I've been hearing that "no good black men left" nonsense for over 30 years, and I'm *in* my 30s. I grew up reading that junk in Ebony and Essence (at least Ebony Man, if it's still around, took a swipe at it). For whatever reason there's a contingent of Black women that love to beat that drum and it's been around long enough to qualify as a blasted cultural phenomenon.

At some point, as a man of any color, you have to call BS on being constantly told you're either no good or not good enough. And if someone gives you static for doing so, I say float on - better can be found.

*cough* ok rant off

[Pcola110]

Originally Posted by CityFan

You need to be young, good looking, and with money to have a harem of women to choose from.

Yeah that harem made of gold diggers. Some women do make a bad choice in whom they date (so do some men); they (males & females) shouldn't slip into bed with a person before finding out their "side effects". There are good men out there, they may not have the Denzel Washington look or the white collor jobs. But I will say that large percentage of our black males are lock up in prisons, small percentage is gay or on the down low, and majority of young black men are not handling their responsibilities (it takes two to tango) or have no sense of what they want for their future.

[chip1980]

start visiting grad school graduations, stand outside of the cdc and talk with the men that are walking out of those buildings

dont wait for the man to talk to you, you can approach them

truth be told, its plenty of men in atlanta that are ready to get married, until they find someone worth marrying they will continue to sleep with everybody until that special person comes along

[Pcola110]

Originally Posted by chip1980

start visiting grad school graduations, stand outside of the cdc and talk with the men that are walking out of those buildings

dont wait for the man to talk to you, you can approach them

truth be told, its plenty of men in atlanta that are ready to get married, until they find someone worth marrying they will continue to sleep with everybody until that special person comes along

OP is a guy, he's not looking for other dudes to date. Thats the problem you can't find your special person by sleeping with any and everybody. That's why women in general say there's no good men. You gotta get in a deep conversation with a person to see where their mind set is at. To see if ya'll are on the same level with regards to faith, commitment, and personality. That's why Americans have such a high divorce rate. People are marrying for all the wrong reasons just to say they are married.

[chip1980]

Originally Posted by Pcola110

OP is a guy, he's not looking for other dudes to date. Thats the problem you can't find your special person by sleeping with any and everybody. That's why women in general say there's no good men. You gotta get in a deep conversation with a person to see where their mind set is at. To see if ya'll are on the same level with regards to faith, commitment, and personality. That's why Americans have such a high divorce rate. People are marrying for all the wrong reasons just to say they are married.

Thought OP was a woman. Well I recommend him going into the Target store after work, the art galleries, Atlantic Station, etc

[ZGACK]

Originally Posted by kayrob

Another often overlooked yet sad but true fact is this. I'm sure that many of you have heard of Dr Ian Smith from the Celebrity Fit Club tv show. We'll he's also behind the 50 million pound challenge which is pushing to spur Blacks as a race to lose weight to improve our health and decrease the rates of diseases associated with weight issues. Well Dr Smith also often appears on certain syndicated radio shows to give updates. I was listening last week and reported that statistics reveal that about 8 out of every 10 Black women are either overweight or obese. So while it might not be considered PC to bring that into the equation it's has to be factored in when you hear all of the talk about the slanted numbers of available Black women. That is how many of these women hold appeal for those men who happen to prefer women of a certain physical type not in line with those numbers.

I mean more power to the BBW's and all that. Sure go ahead and do you, but at the same time realize that a lot of men prefer a Beyonce body type to that of a Monique. Consider it shallow or whatever but the truth still remains that physical attraction almost always needs to be there before an emotional bond can form. You can be as educated as the President of Harvard and live in a 4,000 square foot home but if you look like you'd be challenged walking up a single flight of stairs then a lot of men aren't ever going to know or even care because of that initial visual impression. That's a little something from a male point of view.

There are just a lot of fat people in Atlanta in general. This is especially apparent when returning from somewhere else, like say, Seattle, where it takes some effort to spot an obese person. In Atlanta it takes some effort to avoid them.

[BlueLuce]

Well, I am one of those women that say that the good black men are few and far between, and I have female friends that chime in as well. We do not have low-self esteem, we have self-respect. We have some basic standards, we are not picky. Below is a thread I posted yesterday....

Originally Posted by BlueLuce

I know you've all heard it before... NYers move down to Atlanta and cry about how different it is. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for different, but within the range of normal is required. Let me explain...

I am a young, educated, black female that moved to Atlanta 2 years ago. At first, it was great. My friends, similar to my description, would go out to all the local places, enjoyed the local music, and have a pretty good time. After a year or so, the newness became monotonous and, quite frankly, disappointing. Every "new" place was a replica of the previous place - same music, same atmosphere, sometimes even the same people.

Now that my friends and I are aging into a new age bracket, from 21-25 to 26+, we are looking for new places, new people and new experiences. The problem is that the "grown & sexy" seems to only apply to 35+ in Atlanta. And, they are dominated by women, very competitive half dressed women.

SO, my question finally... Where are all the normal, young, black males in Atlanta? Do they stay in their houses, afraid to mingle with others? Do they only hang out in coffee shops duiring the day, worried about staying out when it gets dark out? Where are they???

P.S.
My non-exhaustive very basic definition of "normal:"
Independent, Employed, Posesses Goals, Maintains decent credit, College Educated (Yes, Associates degrees qualify), Family oriented, No children (I know, a tough thing to ask for)

P.P.S
Just asking, not complaining...

We go to sporting events, museums, art festivals, bookstores,etc. Not looking for anyone in particular, but open to the possibility. And as usual we all come back, after having a great time, wondering why we can't share these experiences with our male counterparts.

And with regard to the weight issue, most of the guys that want Beyonce rather than Monique, aren't Tyson Beckford or Will Smith (in I Am Legend) themselves. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I've seen a good looking fit woman with a portly out of shape man. And that dilemma transcends race as well.

[Pcola110]

Hand clap!