Black dating question (Tyrone, White, Avera: buying, income, to live)

[ttefylooc]

Originally Posted by mdiggs1

Naw pimp, I'm not getting into this one. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy. The main reason this thread is so funny is that stereotypes are working their wonders.

That's all I got to say on that.

Yea I think you are right Mdiggs, my fault homie. Who do you like this weekend Falcons or Chiefs?

[km08]

Originally Posted by ttefylooc

Now when it comes to black womens beef with black men this beef is valid! We do need to try and influence the future if we know better.

Km08 I got some stupid questions. How does one get involved? How much does it cost? Is there a cost? How long does the man hang out with the kid? etc etc can you tell us more about the program?

There is no cost to become a Big Brother. The organization performs a criminal background check (does not include credit) and they will want solid references that they can check for the safety of the child.

As far as the amount of time you spend with the child... If I remember correctly, they expect that you try to see the child at least once a month, but you are able to see them as often as you want as long as the parent agrees. Once you are matched with the child, all arrangements to meet and the nature of the activities are handled between you and the parent. The agency will contact you monthly to see how things are going. If at any time you feel the child is not a good match, the agency will assist you in terminating the situation.

You have to complete an application that includes your personal info. They will match you with a child who has similar interests and who meets any other criteria that you specify. You can specify the age range and race of the child that you are interested in being matched with.

The only possible cost depends upon the activities that you choose to do with the child. Some of the parents are unable to afford to give their child money for the outings and you will be expected to pay for the outings. Other parents will make sure that the child has money in their pocket for the outings.

The below info is copied from their site:

Step 1: Learn about getting started. Our professional team works with you to find the best friendship for you and a special child. Please call the Big Brothers Big Sisters office at 404-601-7000 Ext. 0 to discuss the next steps to become a Big. If you are certain that you would like to participate, you may also submit your contact information via web here and a staff member will follow up with you soon.

Step 2: Learn about becoming a mentor. Complete Mentoring 411 Training to help prepare you for your role as a mentor. This is completed through Self Study.

Step 3: Meet with a professional staff member. We spend time getting to know you through an informational interview. The better we know you, the better we can match you with the right child. We will also complete your background and reference checks.

Step 4: Learn about your potential Little Brother or Little Sister. Our team will find the right match for you and a child. Please understand that our need is great and we ask you to be flexible and sensitive to serving children in geographic areas where there is significant need. Once you, the child, and the parent agree to a match, we will introduce you and help get the match off to a great start.

Step 5: Experience the Magic of Mentoring. Our team is there to ensure your match is a “Big” success. To ensure that this is a fun and rewarding experience for you and your Little, you will have contact with our Match Support Department throughout the life of your friendship. You don't have to empty your wallet to find fun activities. Our community partners generously donate tickets to sporting and cultural events around town.

For more info, just Google 'Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Metro Atlanta' and you will see the website link.

[JayRockTeam]

Originally Posted by km08

Regarding the 'each one teach one' statement... Apparently, there are not nearly enough black men who are interested in this concept. My son (now 11 years old) has been registered with Big Brothers/Sisters of Atlanta since 2006. When I first registered and interviewed, I made it very clear that we wanted a black male Big Brother. Going on 3 years later....nothing.

I think this goes to the heart of the original post. These men are not just in one place. And in general they are not going to be in a place with a sign out front. These men work in your office, go to your church, cut your grass, service your insurance policies. IMHO it is unimportant whether the man is "professional" or not, more so that he is of good character and has a genuine concern for your son's success.

Originally Posted by km08

They have tried on a few occasions to get me to agree to accept a white male match. I will not. They have told me repeatedly that they very rarely get black male volunteers. With the huge population of successful black men in Atlanta I am baffled as to why they don't have an interest in this organization and be more willing to take a young black child under their wing and try to be a mentor.

I'm not really sure why you would reject a white mentor for your son. Certainly he can't teach your son about the "black experience" but he can certainly play a role in teaching him the right work ethic and be someone that your son can talk to. I've had several mentors one of which was white. He made no claims to know how I lived or what my daily experiences were, but he did provide a good example of work ethic and caring about other people.

Originally Posted by km08

As far as dating in Atlanta...I have been approached by some seemingly nice guys who are professionally employed, but when you see them in their non-professional attire they are wearing saggy pants and ball caps....and these are men in their 30s and 40s (I'm in my 30's). I would never allow my son to dress in such a manner and hope that when he gets a little older he has no desire to do so. I simply refuse to have a man around who does not represent the qualities that I have worked so hard to instill in my son. I'm prepared to be alone until my son goes to college. I'd rather he grow up with no male influence instead of a poor male influence.

I guess this is just a matter of personal tastes. Speaking personally, you can catch me wearing polos and khakis, jerseys and jean, or slacks and a button down. It truly depends on my mood and whether or not I'm working. I think I understand what you are talking about, but I'm not sure thats the right way to gauge whether a guy is nice or not.

.

[ArthursChoice]

cause that was some awful shyt she was saying. What an arrogant assumption. Gon' tell the man why SHE think his woman married him...more of a put down. Prolly just jealous cause she ain't got nothing going for herself.

Originally Posted by MisterNY

Lord, look what you started...You're opening a can of worms...

I'm biracial (b&w), and my fiancee is black, Caribbean woman to be exact...I dont think that's the case with TNRyan. Why can't he be married to her for love, respect, and the desire for the same things in life? She has had bad experiences, and seemed to have chosen thugs in the past, and finally fell in love with a seemingly decent man. Give her credit that she left losers and got a decent man, put race aside, and things seem to be ok for them now. Even then, no relationship is perfect. Many posters are right. Plenty of women, even white women now, seem to have a fetish for thugs. I call it a fetish, and nothing more. The sad part is some don't get over it, after they've been either been beaten, robbed, cheated on, got screwed from those losers..When will they learn?

Queenbee, you're spot on by the way, Great post!!

[km08]

Originally Posted by JayRockTeam

I think this goes to the heart of the original post. These men are not just in one place. And in general they are not going to be in a place with a sign out front. These men work in your office, go to your church, cut your grass, service your insurance policies. IMHO it is unimportant whether the man is "professional" or not, more so that he is of good character and has a genuine concern for your son's success. .

You definitely misinterpreted my post. If you read my post again, you will see that I said, I have been APPROACHED by some professional men. I did not state or imply that it was important that a man I would consider as a mate be a professional or not. I honestly don't care if a man is a professional or not.

Originally Posted by JayRockTeam

I'm not really sure why you would reject a white mentor for your son. Certainly he can't teach your son about the "black experience" but he can certainly play a role in teaching him the right work ethic and be someone that your son can talk to. I've had several mentors one of which was white. He made no claims to know how I lived or what my daily experiences were, but he did provide a good example of work ethic and caring about other people.

I am rejecting a white mentor because I feel that it is very important that my son has a consistent positive black mentor who can relate to the issues that my son experiences and will experience as a black male, while also instilling in him the importance of having goals, a great work ethic, etc. It is great that you had a white mentor who positively impacted your life, but I have a particular purpose in mind that a white mentor could not adequately fulfill.

Originally Posted by JayRockTeam

I guess this is just a matter of personal tastes. Speaking personally, you can catch me wearing polos and khakis, jerseys and jean, or slacks and a button down. It truly depends on my mood and whether or not I'm working. I think I understand what you are talking about, but I'm not sure thats the right way to gauge whether a guy is nice or not.

Of course, everyone has their personal preferences. When seeking a mate, I think we can all agree that it is important that our mate possess certain characteristics and qualities that we each seek as individuals. My point when I mentioned their attire was to point out the fact that these men wear clothing that is extremely oversized. Pants that hang off their butts...having to hold the waist of their pants as they walk to keep them from falling off. They may be nice guys, but in my opinion - wearing clothing that is 5x too large for you is not a very logical thing to do. There are some women who find this attractive, but I am definitely not one of those women.

When I see or meet men who are dressed this way, I immediately get an impression that is not very positive. I would not allow my son to dress in such a manner and will not have a guy hanging around who does. This is too much of a thug vibe for my tastes...even though the guy may not be a thug.

I like to think that I am a very rational and logical person. I would like for a potential mate to possess the same qualities. What is the logic behind wearing clothing that is falling off your ass?...with the seat of your pants hanging below your knees?

Speaking in general terms, what do so many black men have against speaking English? What's with all the slang? I see this with degreed and non-degreed/ professional and non-professional men. I want my son to be able to get a decent job when he is an adult. If he shows up for an interview with his pants hanging off his butt and speaking slang, what kind of job will he be able to get?

What's even worse is that there are so many black women who are desperate for a man, they will snap up these type of men in a heartbeat...and take care of them. They will pass up a more traditional black man because he has no 'swagger'. These guys get tired of being passed over by black women, so they start dating whites, latinas, etc.. leaving even fewer available black men for the black women who seek this kind of man.

[mceis]

Originally Posted by km08

I am rejecting a white mentor because I feel that it is very important that my son has a consistent positive black mentor who can relate to the issues that my son experiences and will experience as a black male, while also instilling in him the importance of having goals, a great work ethic, etc. It is great that you had a white mentor who positively impacted your life, but I have a particular purpose in mind that a white mentor could not adequately fulfill.

You seem like a very logical person, so it's too bad that the goals, work ethic, etc. don't supercede the race of the individual. Sure, there are black-specific issues to deal with, but there are also white-specific, hispanic-specific, asian-specific, etc. issues to work through, but the core values should take precedent to everything else.

Originally Posted by km08

Speaking in general terms, what do so many black men have against speaking English? What's with all the slang? I see this with degreed and non-degreed/ professional and non-professional men. I want my son to be able to get a decent job when he is an adult. If he shows up for an interview with his pants hanging off his butt and speaking slang, what kind of job will he be able to get?

What's even worse is that there are so many black women who are desperate for a man, they will snap up these type of men in a heartbeat...and take care of them. They will pass up a more traditional black man because he has no 'swagger'. These guys get tired of being passed over by black women, so they start dating whites, latinas, etc.. leaving even fewer available black men for the black women who seek this kind of man.

You're absolutely right! Thank you for demanding more of the people you're seeking to enter relationships with. If everyone accepts the base elements, then those people have nothing left to strive for. Kudos to you!

[keepthefaith]

Very interesting discussion here with some great points. FYI. I'm a single black male in my 30s. Professional type, Master's degree etc here in ATL. I definitely think that you have women that are attracted to "thug" type guys who are flashy. But for me, these are normally not women that I would want to be involved with anyway. These are normally the same women who spend every weekend trying to get into VIP in some club. Some are attractive, but many are not people that I feel would be good in a relationship with me.

I partially blame one dude for the state of things though. His name is "That Guy". We'll call him (TG). You know him, you've seen TG at the club, that spot. He's always blowing money on random women, trying to buy love in a bar or club. Buying drinks for her and her girlfriends....later on, he's paying her car note......the mortgage or lease. Buying Pampers for the babies. It's TG's fault. He's tried so hard to impress women that he's messed it up for guys that keep their money in their pocket (AKA Me).

Eventually, these women get it. One day they wake up and say, "You know, I've been going to the same club that T.I. hangs at for years.....maybe I'm not going to marry him." And then they snap out of it. Now, this is often after many years of being run through like the Atlanta Falcons Defensive line every weekend, but still....

Atlanta has some awesome women, period. In a city with so many possibilities, I think a man (or woman) can find a good mate or whatever you desire here. Everyday,

[keepthefaith]

Everyday, I see women that are single, cool, and approachable. Gorgeous women too. I will say this though. Sisters: Smile. Do you know why Terrific & Successful Tyrone is walking down the street with Becky or Mitzy? She smiles. She says (and this is crazy) "Hello" when she passes him in the hallway or going down the street. And good googly boogly....she even bought Terrific Tyrone a drink when they went out (Gasp!). She laughed, she flirted, she had a good time with Terrific Tyrone and told him that she had a good time as well. And wonder of wonders..he had a great time too and he even told her that he enjoyed himself as well. Be friendly.

Agitated Anesha: "Just because I'm not all smiling and cheezin' in your face doesn't mean that I'm not nice!!!!" LOL.

There are a lot of incredible sisters out there, though. Sometimes it just takes time....

[keepthefaith]

Oh and I definitely agree......I have never heard a guy say, "I would go out with that girl, but she's too poor....she drives a corolla.....she doesn't have enough swagger for me...etc." The majority of guys could care less. Definitely not the case with many women. She really could live in a cardbox and a normal guy would say,"Man...did you see that girl in that cardbox box?!?! She was fine!" But, I really do think the fix is for guys to stop trying to buy love.....

[keepthefaith]

And finally....a grown man should not walk around with his pants hanging off his butt. I hate to see it on kids as well. We took something from the prison culture (in prison, sagging pants means you're "available") and turned it into a style. How ridiculous.