transferee opinions: is it worth leaving friends/family for a job? (Atlanta: hotel, big house)

[plessthanpointohfive]

Originally Posted by SoFlaMom

Firstly, expect it to take a minimum of three to four years to find a good "I-like-spending-time-with-this-person" friend. Especially one that is your own friend, not just a husband and wife set that you occassionally hang out with. I mean a good, best friend for you. These types of friends are really hard to make when you first move.

I found this to be true, too, on some level. We also moved here away from family. I made one friend right away. I work full-time (career-gal) and became close friends with my immediate supervisor. We're friends to this day, 6 years later. But it took another 2 years to make friends with another woman where I felt like she was family. Along the way I've formed a circle of "more than casual but not as close as family" type of friends.

I've told my husband I'm not leaving Atlanta. It's my home now.

[BobKovacs]

Originally Posted by plessthanpointohfive

This made me laugh (in a giggly silly way). The statistician in me is thinking:

You really need to get out of the office more

[plessthanpointohfive]

Hey, it's the main reason I decided to commute to work by foot or bike...

[mwall04]

This is a great topic.

My wife and I made the decision 7 years ago to relocate for my job from Tampa to Seattle. Our daughter was 12 at the time.

In retrospect, both my wife and I believe it was a great decision. Nothing makes a family stronger and closer than moving to a new location together. My wife and I have become best friends as a result of the move. My daughter got to experience a completely new environment.

The move wasn't easy at first. Part of it was timing, as we moved to Seattle in October, right at the beginning of winter and rainy season. Also, it meant my daughter had to switch schools during the school year (a move in early summer would have worked much better). We partially offset this by spending our first year as "tourist" in our new town. We made a point of visiting all the area parks, tourist attractions, etc. This made things exciting.

For our daughter, the move was challenging for the first year. While she was excited at first, moving into a new environment and finding new friends was uncomfortable. In the long run, it forced her to branch out of her comfort zone and experience new things. I think she is a stronger, more independent person as a result. I believe seeing how easily she integrated into her first year at college was a result of our relocation.

Moving away from family was probably the hardest, although we didn't realize it at first. For the first few years, my family visited very often, as this was a new location for all of them. We also made a point of flying home for the important holidays. As time progressed, however, the visits became farther in between.

Fast forward to present, we've made the decision to relocate once again. This time we'll be moving back closer to "home." We've decided upon Atlanta as its closer to family, offers better job opportunities with my company, and provide us with another new experience.

Would we do it over again...ABSOLUTELY. Would we do some things differently...YES. We would have visited family more often.

[RainyRainyDay]

Originally Posted by mwall04

The move wasn't easy at first. Part of it was timing, as we moved to Seattle in October, right at the beginning of winter and rainy season. Also, it meant my daughter had to switch schools during the school year (a move in early summer would have worked much better).

Maybe you would have preferred a move in early summer, but I don't recommend it from my experience. I moved long distance twice in early summer; once when our daughter was a rising kindergartener and again when she was a rising third-grader. Only after the second move did my spouse and I finally figure out that the early-summer timing, chosen to fit around the school year, was not a good fit for our kid.

When you move in early summer, the other kids in your new neighborhood are pretty busy with summer camps, family vacations, sports programs, etc. When they're at home, they're busy playing with their established friends and not particularly looking to meet anyone new, unless you are lucky enough to have a compatible kid right next door, where they will tend to see each and get acquainted. In both of our moves, our kid had a lonely summer.

As soon as school starts, all the neighborhood kids come out of the woodwork (that is to say, return from vacation, Grandma's house, camp, etc.) and they seem amazingly numerous. On the school bus and in class they are thrust into proximity with your kid, and quickly start getting acquainted.

If I had it to over again, I'd move during the school year.

[kaday]

We moved in late February and just a few months of bonding before summer was key for my daughter. It was a little tough transitioning mid year but overall worth it. By the time school rolled around again it was smooth sailing.

My daughter who is somewhat shy actually enjoyed being the "new girl" and I think it really helped her make some new friends. The second day of school once we relocated she came home with a bracelet that another student had made for her the night before. It had her name on it. The gesture was so sweet and I am sure the little girl to this day has no idea how much that meant to my daughter (and me). My first thought after a few tears of joy was that everything is going to be just fine. It was and still is.

[neil0311]

With the Internet and cell phones, moving out of state has become much less isolating. E-mail, instant messaging, forums, and newspapers online all make it much simpler to keep in touch with friends and family and send/receive photos and movies.

It's a personal choice and people have different priorities, but I've never regretted any relocation move I've made, and I've made 3 of them.

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by neil0311

With the Internet and cell phones, moving out of state has become much less isolating. E-mail, instant messaging, forums, and newspapers online all make it much simpler to keep in touch with friends and family and send/receive photos and movies.

True. But the distance really hit home for me when my dd landed in the NICU. It was totally unexpected and we where thousands of miles away from home. For the first week her situation was touch and go. We were alone. Just the two of us. Yes we had some friends but I needed a shoulder to cry on. When you are 9 times zones away from home you can not expect people to drop their lives to come hold your hand.

[MiriL]

I'm in the opposite situation right now. We've never lived near family, and after 7 years in Atlanta, we're moving closer to my husband's family. Although we have a fairly good network of friends here (and babysitters, thank goodness!), we only have one other family that's really the type of people we wouldn't think twice about calling in the middle of the night for an emergency. It's been tough to have to fly every time we want to see family (4 tickets aren't cheap, no matter where you're flying), and it means that we've spent all of our vacations visiting family instead of going on trips to new places. I'm looking forward to my kids growing up near cousins (for at least a few years, because who knows what can happen!) and to having more time with my mother- and father-in-law while they're still relatively young and active.

Reading all of these posts about how resilient kids are has been really helpful for me. It's good to hear from the voices of experience!

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by MiriL

It's been tough to have to fly every time we want to see family (4 tickets aren't cheap, no matter where you're flying), and it means that we've spent all of our vacations visiting family instead of going on trips to new places.

Yeah. I want to go on vacation to a vacation place, the beach, the mountains, etc.. Flying is a real pain with car seat, stroller, liquid restrictions, taking shoes off, etc... Does a 23 mo really need to take her shoes off?