Quote:
Originally Posted by Galounger
If only it were that easy. In order to truly fit in we would have to fit in economically and after all this time African Americans are still a long long way from achieving this. We are still very very much an economic underclass (despite some of us having had some success) and whether many of us want it to or not this causes us to have cultural differences from the mainstream.
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Wrong answer! ^^^ The correct answer is that there is nothing really wrong with black culture!
Black American culture is
not defined by economics alone - not by a long shot. Strip away the financial picture and there are still significant aspects of of black culture which are still noteworthy... and worthy of appreciation.
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Funerals are one areas where I have seen a significant difference between white and black families.
Wakes on my husband's [black] side of the family are very sober events. People sit before the coffin in silent reflection, any sounds made are that of weeping and crying. There is NO TALKING in the room where the body is laid out. I see this as a very healthy practice, a chance to make peace with the deceased.
The funeral itself, on my husband's side of the family, are rather celebratory... much more so than on my side of the family. At the cemetery, on my husband's side, there is often a display of weeping and crying - emotions are raw and freely expressed. And the family home is adorned with a black wreath.
Extended family members travel long distances to be at a funeral in the black community, not so much so in white communities. Immediate family may travel far distances to attend a funeral, but not so much extended family.
By contrast, wakes on my [white] side of the family are almost like a cocktail hour w/o the alcohol [and I've been to a couple where alcohol was served.] There may be a small, short service, but most of the time people may walk by the casket to pay their respects, but other than those few moments, people are visiting and catching up with one another, and usually they are talking about the events which transpired leading up to the death of the loved one. The funeral itself is always a very sad event.
There is not a right or a wrong way to do a funeral... but there are different ways to honor the deceased... we don't need to make "culture" into some kind of vanilla, fits everyone, type of thing - HOW BORING!
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Family reunions on my husband's side of the family are huge occasions which take months and years of planning. These are week-long events, with numerous events planned, tee shirts made for the occasion. Extended family going back several generations gather at these family reunions. His family seems to have a family reunion every five years or so, we haven't made it to all of them because we've been up here in Minnesota.
[Think of the movie, "Madea's Family Reunion"]
My mom's family ONCE had a low-key afternoon picnic of my grandmother's seven siblings, their children, and a small number of grandchildren. It was NOTHING like the family reunions on the "black side" of our family.
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Humor is another area where there is a black/white difference... humor in the American black community is often heavily laden with irony and satire.
For example... my husband has been telling our daughters, since they were young, that they are "not allowed to date, not ever, not until he's dead."
My 13-year old daughter, when she was maybe 11, told this to a white classmate/friend of hers... sometime later the mom of her friend had me on the phone. She said her son had told her something about our daughter not being allowed to date, not ever. She thought the kids
must have made a mistake, or something
must have gotten mixed up in the process of the kids talking to one another and then her son telling her about it.
When I told the mom that it was true, my husband did tell our girls they are not allowed to date, not ever, the woman LOST IT! She TOTALLY took it literally, she must have thought we were somehow into "arranged marriages" and so she started making a case for young people getting to know one another before they get married, etc.
Well.... my husband saying "you are not allowed to date, not ever" is just a family joke, our kids "got it", but try as I might to explain this to the white woman - she just didn't "get it"... and she wasn't the only one who didn't get it, I had the exact same conversation with
my sister!
As I tried to explain to the mom, and to my sister, my husband is simply telling the girls that he's not going to go along with casual dating while the kids are still in high school... he wants them to first worry about getting a college education, and there will be plenty of time for SERIOUS dating when they are older - at least until they are well into their college years. They will be allowed to go on group dates, to the prom, to school dances, to have friends who are guys... but getting serious with a boy while they are still in school is not acceptable in our household. This "rule" is condensed, simplified and referred to, by my husband as, "you are not allowed to date, not ever, not until I'm dead."
But when I told my black girlfriend the story, she "got it" and thought it was hilarious... I think this kind of "ironic humor" is a part of the black culture.
As black culture becomes more "mainstream" perhaps we'll have to do less explaining of this "family joke" to our white friends...
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These are just a few examples, there are more.
American black culture is not all about thugs and hip-hop, there is plenty to appreciate and enjoy about American black culture irregardless of economics [as for me, I enjoy black culture as a "married-in" member of a black family
]. Yes, much of this is becoming more and more mainstream, and the parts which get the most attention are the gangsta culture overtones.
Black America not all about gangstas and it's not all bad - not by a long shot. As Black America culture becomes more mainstream it will no doubt become less and less distinguishable from American culture as a whole, but that does not mean "black culture" never existed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galounger
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention blacks are three times more likely to be born into poverty than whites. There's another cultural gap for you.
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That ^^^ is not a cultural gap, economic disparity does create a socio-economic gap, but poverty does not DEFINE American black culture.
True, economics do often define and contribute to cultures - and there is something which Ruby Payne describes as "the culture of generational-poverty" and, unfortunately this is more "generational poverty" within the black community - but "generational poverty" does NOT define black culture and "generational poverty" is NOT limited to black culture.
I believe American Black Culture is that which "sticks" and remains a part of the culture once a black family has entered into the middle and upper class segments of society... there are black families in this country which have not been in the culture of "generational poverty" for, well, generations! Yet these black families and individuals still retain and maintain a culture which is unique to Black Americans everywhere. That's what should be considered to be "black culture"... the culture of survival which is the culture of generational poverty is something else altogether.
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