Meeting intellgient single women in ATL... (Atlanta, Oxford: fit in, university, live)

[TimelessClassic]

Hi,

I am new to this forum. I am a well-educated, well-traveled single professional male in his late 30s in Atlanta. I have problems meeting like-minded, educated, intelligent and attractive single females in their late 20s to early 30s. I do meet single females, but not the demographics I am looking for. In addition, Atlanta seems to be a very 'clickish' town, where you seem to get shut out if you are not in their groups.

I know there must be upscale single women in Atlanta, but where - and how - do I meet them? There are dating services around, but am not sure if I would meet the right demographic through them (they will, of course, say I will, but...). I live close to Buckhead. I have tried the bar scene, but that's been a hit-and-miss, as is to be expected.

(By 'upscale', I don't mean 'upper class' or 'rich', just those who are educated, intelligent, attractive and can carry on good conversations).

Thanks.

[elvez]

Your thread title is hilarious.

[TimelessClassic]

Originally Posted by elvez

Your thread title is hilarious.

...it was a typo (it's a serious question and am looking for serious responses... ). Thanks.

[StPaulEastSider]

I don't think you ought to write off online dating services so quickly. My brother met his wife through matchmaker dot com, he has a Business bachelors degree from a catholic university and she likewise has a bachelor's degree plus a Master's in Educational Psychology.

I've heard from a couple people who tried eHarmony that that site sometimes tells people they are unmatchable, which I find to be hilarious... one of the people I know who got this result is extremely intelligent and methinks too "complex" to fit in their algorithm. If I were single I'd be interested in him, but a computer tells him he's "unmatchable." Whatever.

Meetup dot com is a place where you could find social groups with women who share your interests and values. Check out Hands On Atlanta's website for volunteer opportunities.

Hang out at bookstores... I used to love hanging out at Oxford Bookstore on Peachtree, but I guess that's gone now. :-(

Professional groups such as toastmasters is another possibility. What field is your career in? A professional group for your career is another place for you to get involved and possibly meet people.

And don't overlook church and the possibity of getting involved in a singles group at your place of worship - if you are so inclined.

More than anything else, you need to change you mindset and visualize people you meet as being open to new relationships. The lenses through which you choose to look at life determines what you find in life.

Last note... most people I know who desire but have not found a life partner have a lot of criteria for a potential date and therefore no one they meet will ever be worthy of consideration. The older a person is the more criteria he/she seems to have for a potential date. Decide which of your criteria is the most important and perhaps back down in some other areas - in other words, be realistic.

[RainyRainyDay]

Originally Posted by TimelessClassic

Hi,

I am new to this forum. I am a well-educated, well-traveled single professional male in his late 30s in Atlanta. I have problems meeting like-minded, educated, intelligent and attractive single females in their late 20s to early 30s. I do meet single females, but not the demographics I am looking for. In addition, Atlanta seems to be a very 'clickish' town, where you seem to get shut out if you are not in their groups.

As an educated person, Classic, you might just want to note for future reference that the adjective is cliquish, from the noun clique.

I pronounce these words as cleek and cleekish, but many Americans seem to say them as click and clickish, and some who've learned these words by ear seem to assume they must be spelled the way they sound.

[RainyRainyDay]

Originally Posted by StPaulEastSider

Last note... most people I know who desire but have not found a life partner have a lot of criteria for a potential date and therefore no one they meet will ever be worthy of consideration. The older a person is the more criteria he/she seems to have for a potential date. Decide which of your criteria is the most important and perhaps back down in some other areas - in other words, be realistic.

So true!

When my sister was a single in her late thirties, I visited her town and she told me she'd recently been seeing a guy who seemed nice, but she was planning to break it off with him. Now, like most never-married women of her age, she'd dated her share of men who turned out not to be winners, over the years. When I asked what was wrong with the current guy, she said it was just that she was afraid he was more keen on her than she was on him.

They'd only been on a few dates but she sensed that he might be thinking she was "the one" while she liked him, but not that much. She felt it wouldn't be fair to "lead him on". Having elicited that she had not so far found any actual fault with the guy (which seemed pretty major to me, knowing how picky she was), I argued strenuously that it was ridiculous to feel she had to save him from the possibility he might be liking her more than she liked him! She should carry on with their developing friendship and give it some time.

They've now been happily married for over 10 years.

I think as single people get older, it understandably gets harder to remain open and optimistic about new relationships.

[PedestriAnne]

Originally Posted by RainyRainyDay

As an educated person, Classic, you might just want to note for future reference that the adjective is cliquish, from the noun clique.

That drives me nuts. I always want to point it out to people but, I'm afraid it'll sound pedantic and pretentious. It's one of those words that lots of people have only ever seen spelled incorrectly, so they have no reason to suspect that it's wrong.

But, more to the point:

I think it makes sense to concentrate less on meeting "women" than on just meeting "people." I say that because one so often meets dates/partners/spouses through friends or friends' friends or relatives. The more people you know, the more women you'll meet. The more women you meet, the better your chances that some of them will be what you're looking for.

But, don't give up on online dating just yet. I know five married couples who met online. They've been together for anywhere from three to 12 years and they have 10 children between them.

[Huckleberry3911948]

buddy you got spelling issues, that i can forgive, but you are so very transparent. the problem is they are smart and if i am seeing this so are they.

[shalc]

Join a club of some sort. Earlier poster mentioned Toastmasters, you could also consider Atlanta Jaycees or even a sports club. I joined an outdoor club so I could meet people who liked doing the same things I did, and I found that there were a ton of professional people involved from all types of careers.

Also, I think it's important to look for friends and not just someone to date. You see people who join clubs like that clearly to meet someone and it's a turnoff. Make new friends and then get to know their friends.... you never know who you might meet!

[StPaulEastSider]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

buddy you got spelling issues, that i can forgive, but you are so very transparent. the problem is they are smart and if i am seeing this so are they.

Meh.

He may have other desirable qualities worthy of consideration. I know a couple where the woman is very, very intelligent, but she is very much an introvert - not very good at people skills.

Her husband wouldn't win any IQ contests (at least that's my opinon of him) but he excels in people skills and leverages these skills in his career in sales... he was told in a job interview that he was best suited to sell tangibles, which I think, knowing him as I do, makes perfect sense.

BTW, this brings me back to the backing down on certain criteria point... the wife in this relationship is not fugly, but she's also not a knock out beauty. When she bothers to wear make up she looks pretty good, but that's not something she does too often, it's not her thing to be all girly girly. She prefers to be natural and earthy. She is one of my best friends, I think of her when I hear the phase "still waters run deep."

They have a good relationship, truly a case of 'opposites attract.' In many ways I think they can each say to the other 'you complete me'.