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Thread summary:

Having second thoughts about Austin Texas, concerns about leaving North Dakota, Hill Country excitement, nice neighborhoods, good school districts, housing market, property taxes

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Unread 01-18-2008, 12:01 PM
Location: Austin, TX
6,639 posts, read 9,484,496 times
Reputation: 2694
Assuming it is a security issue, that she's hesitant because she doesn't want to leave the support network.. you may be going about it a little bit wrong.

Make her understand that any move down to Austin would be an "adventure" you'd both be going through together (even if you are much more familiar with the area). Be sure she understands you may not want to live here either, and you're still learning/finding out new things. Remind her she can always go back and will at least have experienced a different lifestyle, something she deserves to experience.

If she thinks you are already one of "them" (strange people who live in states like Texas or California), you'll already have lost. So don't be the tireless advocate. Be the down-to-earth guy who is trying to figure out whether this is a good place or not.

I might not even plan anything for next time she comes down. Let her find something herself you can both try out, and if it turns out to be good, she'll feel a little more "invested" in the place and might consider the move more seriously.

Otherwise, keep in touch over the phone but don't push her. As others have said, you can't really force a person to do something they don't want to, and they'll resent it if you do. You mentioned she has a child, which makes her move much harder than yours. Maybe this relationship turns out not to be right for you, or maybe she encounters something on her own back home that makes her decide it is time to leave (more friends leaving, some reminder of the limited opportunity, etc)...
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Unread 01-18-2008, 02:12 PM
106 posts, read 258,147 times
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I'm going to take a different stance here. If you love this girl, I mean really, truly, completely love her...you might have to change your ideas a little. My boyfriend and I moved here last year (we are 20 and 25) and have seen many more financial opportunities open up for us as a result. We're doing much better, financially, than we were at home. We've enjoy the weather and the people, and nearly everything else about Austin. But the one thing Austin lacks, as any city far away from home will, is the support system of family and friends.

While we love Austin, we feel that as long as we're with each other, we'll always have a nice life. I think that the closeness of family and friends has to come above our love of the nicer material things in life....because life will eat you alive unless you have people you love to keep you grounded.

Tell her to give Austin a chance for just one year. And if she does, be prepared to hold her when emotions get the best of her and she misses her family, and take her to see the wonderful things the city has to offer so she won't feel out of place. If it were my situation, I'd ask her to give you one year here, and if she still wants to leave by then, be willing to discuss a compromise for her.

I think love is more important than anything, so if she's the one, you'll be kicking yourself forever if you let her go. Sit down with yourself and really think about your relationship before you make a decision that might take it away from you.
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Unread 01-18-2008, 02:30 PM
216 posts, read 643,944 times
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Originally Posted by austin-steve View Post
Well, if you called into the Dr. Laura show with that statement, she'd tell you, and I would agree, that it's you she's having doubts about, not Texas.

Move on with your life and invite her to come along, but don't hang your future and a great opportunity on the shoulders of someone with doubts. If she truly loves you, she won't let you get away that easy.

Wow, I thought this too.

I am speaking from someone who uprooted from Ireland to live in the US
away from all of my friends and family to be with my husband.

Don't lose faith though she sounds scared to me. You mentioned that she has a son, who's best interest needs to come first. Her family is her main support group and she is worried to not only move herself but him too.

I'm guessing she needs some reassuring that you won't just up and move from Austin 6 months down the road and move them again.
Maybe.....she is torn between what she "should do" (stay with her family for her sons sake) and what her heart is saying (to go and try out a new adventure with you).

Time will tell though you may just need to be patient on this one. I will say no amounts of promises to go on romantic nights out to Oasis or walks in San Antonio will convince a mother one way or the other. We realise that <90% of our week is pretty routine.

Best of luck regardless to you & welcome to Austin
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