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I had that question posed to me a lot in Phoenix as well. I think it depends on which "Phoenix" you lived in. There're the native Phoenicians, who have been there for a long time that are more southern in their ways, generally (and remind me a lot of the Texans we encountered in Austin). And, then there're the "new Phoenicians" who are transplanted from Cali or elsewhere. The native's are more likely to engage in idle small talk, such as "what church do you go to?" or things like that. They mean no harm, but just view that as polite conversation aimed at making you feel welcome. At least from my experience. The transplants are normally the ones to engage in rudeness, which I think stems from a known unfamiliarity. I.e. "this person doesn't know me so I have zero accountability and can be rude if I want to..."
The duality of the population always seemed odd to me.
Now, these are strictly based on my experiences there. I worked in a service position in a smaller suburb, where I came in contact with roughly 15 natives and 25 transplants a day and it would boil down to the majority of each falling into the above mentioned categories.
Ain't that the truth. I think California invented "superficial friendliness".
Your post above says it all to me.
The OP ask about "Texas Friendly" we all know what that means, is it real or fake. Some of us have expressed that we think some Texans not all are fake with the whole Welcome to Texas thing and then you find out they don't really mean it.
I am 57 years old, I have lived many places in my life time mostly San Diego CA. because my dad was stationed there in the military. In CA. you do have some rude people, they aren't going to knock on your door and "WELCOME YOU TO CA." with a plate of cookies. What you will have though is real lifetime friendships. Nobody judges you if you are gay,black,mexican, or have purple hair. They also don't give a flying leap whether you attend church or not (even if they do) and will not ask you. It is not because they think you are a heathen if you don't attend, but because it is none of their to be asking that question.
My first move to Texas (Dallas) in 1990 was a real eye opener. At first I thought oh my, these people are all so nice even at the DMV, lol. But I soon found out after meeting a few Texans that many can be racist, judgmental, and just plain rude in general. The thing is the rudeness is so subtle, you'll be at a neighborhood gathering and the mother of one of your sons friends will say to the crowd of people standing there "I think it is bad for kids to work while in school they need to go to football games and do all sorts of activates. Now, this is the same neighbor who just ask me minutes ago what is happening in our lives these days. I had just told her my son got his first job as a bagger at the Kroger. And, dont' say that is was just that 1 person, this was a regular thing in Dallas over the six years. I would never be that mean and I'm from CA. LOL
I also found that with-in minutes of talking to you at your front door while they stand there holding a plate of cookies to welcome you to Texas. You will get ask the "what church you go to" question. At first, I thought that is and odd question, but I soon found out why. I would think nothing of it, till our next meeting. That is when you realize they didn't like the fact that you don't go to church and they didn't like other things about either, like you came from CA. You would get this coldness from them and you really didn't understand why or what you did wrong. It would only be later on, that a good friend, till this day explained it me. She was a born and raised Texan and she said, here your judged with a smile darling, I said what? I managed to make some real nice friends in the 6 years we lived there.
We moved to Phoenix in 96 and I loved how much it was like CA. not quite as open minded but I never felt the judgements from people like I did in Texas. People I knew were from all over the US, transplants they call themselves. No one ever ask me what church, or try and pry deep about what my husbands salary was. They live and let live and I will miss all of them.
We are here now, 6 months, so far no one has ask the church question yet, but I know it's coming. I know because of the conversations I hear at my neighborhood bunco game. One lady I really like and who seems to like me is defiantly a church goer. I only hope she doesn't diss me when she finds out I don't go. Some of you say just to politely say no I don't go and don't be rude about it. BTW, Being polite doesn't help if you are being judged by that fact.
The people here seem to be just as nice as Dallas and I hope it's real. It is very laid back, no fancy dressen or that sort of thing. I am being very carefull not to say too much about my me in general, because you never know who your talking to. I know for sure one of the ladies at my card game is a racist and a judgemental B. I have already seen and heard enough to know what not to say, because the women here are NOT as open minded about life as in Phoenix or CA.
There must be a group who makes this stuff up. Whenever I've moved somewhere in Texas or engaged someone in conversation, none of those topics came up. I've never been asked what church I go to, nor do I ask it of anyone.
There must be a group who makes this stuff up. Whenever I've moved somewhere in Texas or engaged someone in conversation, none of those topics came up. I've never been asked what church I go to, nor do I ask it of anyone.
Love roses I have read many of your post over the 2 years and I like you, you are very nice always. But please don't discount my feelings and others who have experienced this texas fake friendly thing, It is real and there is no group going around making this up.
I suppose " I think California invented "superficial friendliness" comment was all in my head.
...because the women here are NOT as open minded about life as in Phoenix or CA.
Debbie
Please don't judge Texas or Austin by me, I'm originally from DC and have never lived in Texas.
I wonder if there's a way for you to find a different group of folks, ones that are more accepting of whatever it is you choose to do with your life.
On a slight tangent, it is interesting how you take offense to a generalization about So Cal, as I made, then make one about Austin. Yes, I shouldn't have made a generalized comment, and apologized for it. However, calling me "not innocent" then doing it yourself is a bit... wrong. But, hopefully we can move past that.
Anyway, I hope you do find some friends that you can share your life with, ones that have the same likes/dislikes/desires/goals and ones that will help you enjoy your new life in Austin.
That's interesting. I would never think that was invasive, but I think it's just differences in different areas of the country, etc. I think the northeast does tend to be more private, which doesn't necessarily mean less friendly, although I believe it certainly could be perceived as such by those of us who are used to the more open approach.
Growing up in Minnesota ("Minnesota Nice", anyone?), I found that the people in Austin were very similar. I am very open myself and wouldn't even think twice of someone asking me that question.
What if they told you they were Buddhist? (and you couldn't already tell before asking them) Would that have been awkward for you, followed by "oh", or would you have volunteered where they could find a place to practice their Buddhism? I'm just asking because I do relate to it as being friendly-invasive followed by totally awkward. I usually take the time to educate when I get hit with "friendly-invasiveness"
Never did like when, being introduced to people, and someone asks "oh and what does your husband do?)
On a slight tangent, it is interesting how you take offense to a generalization about So Cal, as I made, then make one about Austin. Yes, I shouldn't have made a generalized comment, and apologized for it.
I see what your trying to do here Runnemaster and it isn't going to work. You say your sorry in one breath and then take it away in the next. For what is is worth, My other comments were stateing facts of what I have personally witnessed and experienced living in Texas. Your generalization comments was way more then that and you know it.
I have explained till the cows come home what I've witnessed living in texas and I'm told I'm either lying or making it up, so I give up. I would never paint a board brush and say ALL Texas women are like who I've met so far. But in gereral from living in both Dallas for 6 years and now here, compared to others states, they seem more closed minded imo then women in those other states. When you think it is ok to make light fun comments talk about mexicans,blacks,gays, and get all a twitter and the OMG look on your face about a sex joke in a group of over 40 women, your are not open minded imo.
What if they told you they were Buddhist? (and you couldn't already tell before asking them) Would that have been awkward for you, followed by "oh", or would you have volunteered where they could find a place to practice their Buddhism? I'm just asking because I do relate to it as being friendly-invasive followed by totally awkward. I usually take the time to educate when I get hit with "friendly-invasiveness"
Never did like when, being introduced to people, and someone asks "oh and what does your husband do?)
Yeah, someone who seems to get what I've been saying.
What I don't get is some posters saying you must be a private person or it's because the state you come from is why you don't like the question. It is not that all, I am a very open person I talk to people in lines, at the movies you name it. like you said it is "friendly-invasiveness" period. that bothers me.
For those reading this I have not had ALL texans ask the church question, just a lot is all.
For those that say they never had that happen to them. maybe they didn't ask you because you mention church in your conversations, so no need to ask. I know several women right now who would never be ask if they had just moved here because they mention church in some way or the other right off the bat after meeting them. Example I love it here, and I have met such nice people at my church, yada yada.
What if they told you they were Buddhist? (and you couldn't already tell before asking them) Would that have been awkward for you, followed by "oh", or would you have volunteered where they could find a place to practice their Buddhism? I'm just asking because I do relate to it as being friendly-invasive followed by totally awkward. I usually take the time to educate when I get hit with "friendly-invasiveness"
Never did like when, being introduced to people, and someone asks "oh and what does your husband do?)
Personally, I guess I don't really care if someone is buddhist, atheist, whatever, because it doesn't affect me and what I believe.
That being said, I certainly agree it could be an awkward situation, there is no question about that. I do not think I would ask someone what church they went to unless there was a reason, i.e. they started talking about something that happened at their church, etc.
After doing a little thinking about this, I actually wonder if it isn't less invasive feeling for me to be asked that question because I do attend church and would have an answer to that question? I honestly don't think I was ever asked that question BEFORE I started attending church, so I very well may have thought the exact same thing if I were I asked that question back then. I very well may have indeed. Interesting; things like this really make me think and see both sides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taterhead
I see what your trying to do here Runnemaster and it isn't going to work. You say your sorry in one breath and then take it away in the next. For what is is worth, My other comments were stateing facts of what I have personally witnessed and experienced living in Texas. Your generalization comments was way more then that and you know it.
That is actually quite unfair, as his comment was also based strictly on personal experience, just the same as yours is with Austin. He lived in California for many years, so those are the facts of what he has personally witnessed, just as yours are facts of what you have personally witnessed.
Not everyone has the same experience in the same place and he isn't wrong for having a negative experience in California any more than you are for having some negative ones in Austin. Neither of you are bad people because of it.
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