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Old 02-24-2012, 07:45 AM
Location: Crooklyn, New York
28,266 posts, read 26,252,873 times
Reputation: 11726


We've all encountered them. Here's my list.

1. The Ballhog: The Ballhog is perhaps the easiest type of player to hate at your local gym. This is the guy who never inbounds the ball in a full court game. Instead, he will watch the ball bounce three or four times under the basket while yelling at you, "Let's go! Let's go!" This is the guy who, when you decide to pass the ball to someone else, follows you down the court to let you know he was "open" on that last play. And this is the guy who is constantly clapping his hands and whistling to let you know just how "open" he is.

Although it's not always easy to identify a ballhog early on, there are some key features that will give him away. If he's under 5'10, his chances of being a ballhog increase by 20 percent. If he has braids, the odds increase by 40 percent. Then the odds increase from that point on with every ear piercing and tatoo. If you end up getting put on a team with a guy that resembles Lil' Wayne, don't expect to take any shots that game. If he comes to the game wearing a Christian Laettner Duke jersey, you have two choices: (a) go home or (b) kill him. Either way, it won't be a fun day for you.

While it's easy to hate the ballhog, we can't lay all of the blame at his feet. After all, people pass him the ball. That's the most baffling part about it. Why pass the ball to a guy who you know is going to take the shot 100 percent of the time and destroy any chances you have of winning? There are ballhogs and there are ballhog enablers. Both should be equally reviled.

2. Mr. Sensitive: We all know this guy. This is the guy who runs into a pick and calls foul. He calls "blocking" at the three point line. Anytime he drives to the hoop, he picks up his dribble, and then walks back up to the key and says "Ball." There is no real way to deal with a Mr. Sensitive. You just have to make sure he doesn't get picked.

3. The Cherrypicker: Is there really a more annoying player? The cherrypicker is a like a cop who pulls you over for doing 57 in a 55. Yeah, sure, you have the right to do it, but it's just a punk ass move. After the ballhog, there's no other player who can suck the life out of a game like a cherrypicker.

4. The "Glove": This is the guy who takes casual pickup game defense a little too seriously. You're out there to get a little cardio, hang with friends, and enjoy playing a sport you love. He's there to put on a defensive performance that would make Scottie Pippen or Bruce Bowen seethe with envy. From the first inbound pass of the game, this guy is sticking you like it's the second overtime in a Duke-Kentucky Final Four semi-final. Unlike the three previous players described above, however, there is great satisfaction to be gained from taking this guy to the woodshed.

5. Steven Spielberg: My 5th spot goes to guys I call "Steven Spielbergs." It was a toss up between that and the "Hot Sauces" of the world; guys whose only purpose on the court is to "break ankles." The Spielbergs are far worse than the Hot Sauces, imo. These are the guys who think that, by virtue of being under 5'8, they come from the same mold as Mateen Cleaves and Avery Johnson. They think of themselves as "floor generals." These are the guys who never inbound the ball. They instead hang around the basket waiting for an inbound pass the way a vulture waits for its prey to die. They like to dribble the ball to the top of the key and yell out, "Yo! Set it up!" They like to point a lot. They like to order any player over 5'10 to "CRASH THE BOARDS!!!" while they hang out around the perimeter waiting for the kickout. Spielbergs may in fact be more annoying than the ballhogs.

Anyone I forgot?
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:05 AM
51,958 posts, read 41,815,822 times
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I will add the "lane bulldozer".

These are the guys that lower their head and shoulder near the free throw line and drive the lane like they are operating a snow plow trying to deliver crucial medicine to the trapped people in the next town.

*any contact* is of course a foul and "no one calls charges in pick-up games".
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:06 AM
51,958 posts, read 41,815,822 times
Reputation: 32416
I quit playing basketball about 2 years ago (I just did it for the exercise and fun, I'm not good) because our gym became infested with a bunch of d-bags and plus I am getting a little too old for the wear and tear basketball causes. I got out with my knees, ankles etc fairly intact and rarely miss playing.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:09 AM
9,029 posts, read 16,436,151 times
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I actually don't mind "The Glove"

There is a time and place of course and you have to get a feel for the type of game you are in ... but if it's a competive game, then play hard ....... I've been in games that were just high quality, competative basketball where some of the things I could do in a friendly pickup with my buddies just wouldn't fly .... I basically had to focus on what I did best - defend the mid-range and post, rebound, get guys open and then work off them into space for quick mid-range jump shots as an outlet ......... just a different type of game then if I'm playing against guys where it's loose and I can drive the lane, shoot 3s, be mainly a help defender, etc

Most of the others I agree with though - the bulldozer is a good one.

I'm also going to nominate "The Lumberjack" - the guy who thinks they need to defend the paint at all costs and his only goal in life is to chop down trees - the charles oakley of rec league ball ..... the only good foul is a hard foul ....... a dribble drive layup attempt is met with a two handed shove into the torso - they provide help side defense by swinging hard across your arms from your blindside - etc

I have no problems with physical play - I play physical and at times play pesty ...... but let keep the flagrant lumberjacking to a minimum.

I'd say 90% of the skirmishes I've seen have started when you get the lumberjacks evil twin involved - this is the guy who cuts your legs ....... because I know when I'm playing a pickup game on asphalt I want someone to swing thier hips into the bottom of my legs when I go up for a rebound

I don't know a name for this one and this is only in games that have a ref - basically the guy who yells and screams at the officials the entire game

I was in an intramural league in college and we had one of those on our team .... guy was a good player and a big body - but was so obnoxious ...... one night we had a short bench due to school conflicts - the bench was basically me and I was fighting "flu like symptoms" and was mainly there because no one else could be

So this dope proceeds to pick up the maximum amount of technicals within the first 5 minutes of the game and gets tossed from the gym .......... great, I was really hoping I could run pretty much the entire game - jerk
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:16 AM
Location: Planet Earth
7,231 posts, read 8,239,270 times
Reputation: 4910
The guy who thinks he's the second coming of Allen Iverson. In other words, he thinks he has a sick crossover, but he really doesn't. Instead of passing the ball, he tries to break his defenders ankles but fails miserably resulting in a turnover.

Also, the guy who argues that he didn't really travel or step out of bounds because those rules don't apply to him. So a long, useless discussion occurs threatening to end the game abruptly.
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:01 PM
Location: Fort Mill, SC
2,532 posts, read 2,946,774 times
Reputation: 1357
Originally Posted by Canes2006Champs View Post
Also, the guy who argues that he didn't really travel or step out of bounds because those rules don't apply to him. So a long, useless discussion occurs threatening to end the game abruptly.
I can't stand when people hold up a game.

The one that leads my list is the guy that calls foul anytime he gets blocked.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:32 PM
297 posts, read 340,448 times
Reputation: 135
I have to admit, I play like "the glove". The best is when you "glove" a good three point shooter. They get upset because they actually have to move with out the ball. Something which most three point shooters at the gym hate to do. Of course I can't blame them, they don't usually get a lot of picks set in pick up games. And once they do finally get it their shot isn't open.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:57 PM
Location: Chicago
3,569 posts, read 6,022,372 times
Reputation: 2577
I'm one of those shooters.
I had a glove on me.

Made me realize how good I was at shaking off defense.

I got in for some layups and nice assists.
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Old 02-25-2012, 08:01 AM
Location: So California
8,548 posts, read 8,883,067 times
Reputation: 4641
Ive got two more.

"The Hack" ....This may be "the glove", but less skilled. Theres usually a guy who plays, who says he never plays, which is right and probably never did. He has no offensive skill what so ever, plays insane defense (constant hacking whether you have the ball or not), and you are actually afraid to leave your feat because his foot is going to end up under yours.

Then there is "Mr Nice". Nice enough guy, you dont mind him on your team, except, he always gives up the ball, fouls, possession. He's the guy who always says he touched the ball last going out of bounds. He always lets the other team call the score (incorrectly) cause he cant remember or doesnt want an argument. He never accepts a foul call when he's been fouled. He always gives up a foul call on himself. This guy will cost you 3-4 points a game.
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Old 02-25-2012, 08:59 AM
297 posts, read 340,448 times
Reputation: 135
Not sure what to call this player but you all know him. He is usually older, over 40, has a beer gut that makes him appear to be wider than he is tall, is drenched in sweat the moment he steps onto the court and for some reason thinks he has the re-incarnation of the dream shake.
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