New To Bend, Hard to Meet People Single 30 somethin
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Guys, please, stop. This male bonding is so uncool as to be totally yucky. I could tell you why you are having trouble with the fair sex but it would be in violation of the TOS. Lets just say that dames (women) have highly tuned sensory apparatus to detect male psychological baggage. It works both ways. Guys have it too. Thing is, one guys (gals) 'not' is someone elses 'soulmate'.
Online dating is cool in that you can put yourself out there, idiosyncrasies and all and someone, somewhere may find the combination appealing. Or not. It's not perfect. There is a lot of the same superficiality and group think operating online as in local life (notice I didn't say 'real' life, online is very real or can be). Don't sell it short if you insist on being weird.
I moved to Corvallis about 6 months ago and I am having a similar problem. I will mirror your sentiments about Bend when I say that Corvallis is a really nice place and other than my lack of a social circle, I am satisfied with my relocation to here.
Despite Corvallis's college town feel, I am surprised at how coupled up everyone is and at the lack of opportunities for people in the 25-35 check box. Also, as something of a homebody, I don't feel the need to hang out at coffee shops, etc. I fit that personality profile really well, which makes me think that it is either really general or that I am exactly the same as everyone else that is single at my age. I have tried online dating and I just don't get it. It seems like the odds of finding someone by looking at a web page are not very good. The only advantage is that the people online are actually looking for someone too. Anyways, I got a couple of dates out of it with very nice people that I had no connection with and gave up on the idea. Everyone's profile looked the same to me.
I have had better experience with the meet-up groups and it was easier to socialize over a common interest. I joined a city league sports team too, and it was a nice way to at least get out of the house. I hope that you start meeting people and let me know how you did it. Also, people have told me that it takes a year to really start meeting people, so I am trying to be patient and take advantage of every opportunity to meet people.
I know 4 people that met each other online (one is getting married in March). I read somewhere that 1 in 5 new marriages occurred by people that met online.
1 in 5 marriages occur online, yet 1 in 2 end in divorce in USA. Perhaps people just don't know each other or don't commit to one another like they use to? NOthing wrong with online dating if you can establish good amount of communication, but I find establishing communication a real headache. I don't like preparing long resumes and semi-fictional stories of my greatness and fortitude. I have encouter a few nut jobs online who really had me going in circles. Sometimes it pays to look at person's eyes before you pour your heart out to them.
Well Rocky, I think you would have more opportunities to meet people in my (or your) age group 25-35 than you would in Bend. Corvallis is an interesting town, since it has the big college. Lots of young attractive single college girls is much better than young high school girls, like here in Bend. Sorry, bad joke..
I hope all goes well for you in your pursuits Rocky.. If you are in Bend, there are some fellows like me who would be happy to join you for a beer or cup of tea. It would be nice to find some intellectual or more intelligible types who are not devout snowboarders/skiers or hipsters who you can spend some time conversing and socializing with. Since I am under 50 and not married, most of the high class yuppies in this town don't find me to exhilarating.
I will be attending churches, but seeing I come from a different religious background it will pose a challenge.
As far as finding a wife in Bend, I really don't think it is possible. I was thinking I may go over to India or some other place in Asia in a couple of years and find a wife there who may be more compatible with my culture. Perhaps I may try my luck in New York amongst Orthodox Jews, but being Messianic I doubt I will be able to marry any religious Orthodox JEwish woman.
I was thinking I may go over to India or some other place in Asia in a couple of years and find a wife there who may be more compatible with my culture.
They'll definitely know what a yoni is over there. What makes you think that an Asian or Indian woman would want to marry you? How are they "more compatible" with someone with Christian/Jewish beliefs? Since you eschew online dating, why not find a Messianic synagogue and start from there?
I won't go by Yoni over there. The name is Yon a tan.. Yoni is short-hand. And believe it or not, many people in various parts of India don't speak Hindi.
Kyaa aap Hindi bat kar satkey hain?
Meeru Telugu/Bhashaa matladuthara?
What makes me think they want to marry me? I dont know, I guess its because I know lot of Indian people and get along well with them and they feel like I am a decent human-being. What makes you think anyone wants to marry anyone on this earth? Jewish people are well respected by Christians and Hindus in India.
Most Messianic Synagogues are very liberal , because the Messianic religion has not been well established in the mainstream as of yet. I would consider going to Orthodox-like Messianic synagogues, but most of the Messianic groups here in the west coast are quite liberal and even follow non-Jewish theology. The synagogue here in Bend has same beliefs as most Protestant churches in their theology. So, in that manner, I don't see any great advantage of congregating with this group over any other Christian church. Seeing that they are more liberal than some of CHristian churches here, I felt a better conenction to some of the Christian churches, than the local Messianic Shulls. I don't want to get into too much religious philosophy here. Just explaining you were I come from and what I believe. Also, not many people at Messianic synagogues are Jewish , I am usually one of the few JEws that attend.
I do not abhor online dating altogether, I just find it somewhat burdensome and its too business-like for my tastes. With online dating you have to do so much BSing and compilate such fabricated stories of heroism and achivements that paint a false picture of the real human behind the biography. When you sit and talk with people and their familes face to face, you get a much better feel in one week then you do communicating through emails for months.
Also, I want to marry a woman who's family I know. American men and women are very seperated from their families. I like the close family structure of Indian families. THe divorce rate in INdia is much lower in USA, so I feel I will have much more success finding an Indian wife than I will with an AMerican or even secular Jewish woman. In India, if the people want a divorce, the entire family is in on the decision. Some may loathe such an arrangment, but I find it to be remarkable that in the 21st century families can bond and keep each other together.
I am just telling you about what I believe; I respect other people's beliefs as well.
I am saying this with love - get your butts off the computer and you will meet people in both places.
I am currently traveling through Oregon, looking for my home and have hit both Bend and Corvallis.
Yoni777 - look at the website meetup and look for a group with similar interests that you have. Find an organization that interests you and volunteer. Join a gym or hiking/outdoor organization. Join a church. Hit some of the restaurants and bars. You can and will meet people. The locals see so many people come and go there so it just takes more of an effort in a smaller community but you can do it.
Rockygrass, I was just in Corvallis last weekend and loved it. I am going back next weekend. I met a very cool lady my first night at one of the restaurants there called 101 (Awesome Place). If I were to move there, I would join WOW fitness or Timberland Athletic Club & volunteer. Also, there is a large Salsa group with over 100 people that dance once a week. Hit some of the restaurants/bars and tell people you are new to the area. You eventually WILL meet someone cool to help you out.
Hi ExoticFish, thanks for your post. You are a very uplifting individual. Be sure to join me for a beer next time your in Bend. Sure, we may have different views on things, but I always enjoy meeting new people for nice conversation who are in good spirits. If hangin with a conservative , religious rightish kind of guy scares you, no worries, I undrestand, I wont cry. .
I have traversed a few churches and attempted to do the Meetup thing. Sadly, Bend has almost no groups on meetup, however I did join one and will be attending some sessions.
IN the West Coast, in America in general, friendships take a long time to build, but I am sure the friendships you make are special. Its more wilderness out here and people are more reserved. I have been to countries were people are so friendly you are just happy when you get away from them all. A good genuine friendship with one person is woth more than 100 mediocre ones. Americans are kind of shy in general and a bit encapsulated in their bubbles. I know its a cultural thing, but once you break through the barriers Americans do make good friends.
Cool - when I make it too Bend next time - I will post and we can hook up. I love meeting people who have different opinions than me as that's what makes the world go around. I just don't want to settle in a city which is overwhelmingly one-sided.
One other thing to think about, if you already haven't, is think about joining the Athletic Club of Bend. I worked out there twice when I was in Bend last time and it's a large facility with a lot of activities going on. I know in Bend that it will take more effort to find your click but once you become friends with a couple locals you will be just fine.
Wonderful. Let me know when you are in town, the first beer is on me.
I use to work out in the gyms, but because of my busy work schedule, I now shun going to gyms. I built my own home gym in my garage and I am very happy with it. Personally, I like socializing in every place, except a gym . WHen I workout, I kind of like to be left alone, listen to my music and focus on what I am doing. My workout is part of my meditation time. Although, working out in a gym once in a while can be nice, the memberships fees are a lot, unless you make a commitment to go a few times a week at least.
Not trying to be insulting, folks, but this isn't a chat or personals forum. How about taking the rest of the conversation over to Direct Message?
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