Looking forward, I realized something. I am NOT looking forward to it. JC will be 18 in less than two years. I don't know what I will get out of bed for after that. I don't have any idea where he will go in life from that point. I just hope it isn't far wherever he goes, and whatever he does. Really I just want him to pursue true happiness. Whatever that means for him, I just want to know how he is doing. Be there to listen or give advice if needed, cheer him on, and not ever wonder where...

As I try for the thousandth time to just let you go and accept I can't make you love and want me the way you said you did, and the way I do you, I am stuck laying in bed all night with memory after memory of moments we spent together. I have a future to be thinking of, a missing niece/daughter that also means I can't see her kids, a son who is unhappy, a sister stuck on a track over 3oo miles away, and that is what I should be losing sleep over if anything. And I do, but more than any other thing,...

It's been 9 months since he left with tears in his eyes. Last words were, " I don't want this to be over. I love you Tricia." Sporadic texts, minimal calls that quickly became almost no calls, and lead to no calls. Regardless of what I try to share with him about my life, I don't feel any interest from him in it. A few times I got a question or two on something I've shared, but follow up or letting me unload my feelings with what is going on doesn't happen. I ask for updates on what...

Unbelievable. First my bday and now my son's. I've had to wake up with eyes so swollen I can barely open them. I don't know why I keep letting this happen, except I love you and don't know how to stop loving you. I don't know how to force myself to quit. I don't know why you refuse to listen to the truth, and only listen to what you have said is the truth before you even ask about it. You were so drunk and high that you couldn't park the car or stop yelling. I know you don't remember, but...

Here starts another day with you on my mind right away. Nowhere to be found in my day, but on my mind. Just another day to miss you and know in my heart that I am always going to miss you. I can't honestly say when the last we touched was. No kissing, no sex, not even seeing each other because I quit being the one to always go to you and that was the only way I got to see you because you don't want to sleep anywhere else or be uncomfortable. All I did the last year when we were together was...