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Old 10-24-2016, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Nashville
3,533 posts, read 5,796,961 times
Reputation: 4707

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I will start this thread by saying I think the city is a great place to retire or if you are a Christian who wants a safe place to go to church and raise your kids free from all the evils/pollutants of the major cities, you will find this the ideal place.. Boise probably is also a great place to grow up and if you manage to have developed a tight knit circle of friends, it can be a very enjoyable place to live. The crime is low, the winters are mild, traffic is non-existent, there is enough shopping options (although its mostly chainish, but still) and there are some nice mountains about 2 hours away and some mediocre ones even closer.

Being an IT professional, almost 40 years old, non-Christian, non-Alcoholic/Bar/Club-Scenster I find the city is really lacking in any type of social infrastructure for single professionals. It seems to be either a very cliquey yuppie type of scene of the very wealthy on one side of the spectrum; or on the opposite, it is overly suburban and blue collar. Then, there is the entire different scene, which hosts the younger, college meat market and wild bar/club type of scene. I've found that I have had to pretty much associate with very young, college aged people and it takes a bit of reversing my intellect, maturity and engaging in behaviors I loathe and thought I gave up on decades ago to fit in. Sadly, it seems most people in my age bracket here are married, Christian and hidden in suburbia. Unlike Seattle, Portland or other places I have lived, there is no real place for single professionals as the whole city seems to revolve around getting drunk and wasted if you are young or being married and hidden away in the suburbs if you are over 28.

First of all, the Treasure Valley has two elements: Boise (the City/State) and then Suburan Idaho (Suburbs of the Treasure Valley, including Meridian, Kuna, Nampa, Eagle, etc). These two places have completely different cultures and identities. Boise, specifically downtown Boise, is pushing to be the next new age liberal city.. It is liberal, high taxes, anti-gunnish, gay marriage zealous (everywhere rainbow pride flags) and just trying to be a little San Francisco in the sea of right-wing red Mormon/Evangelicalism. In some ways, I find this liberalness of the city to have some benefits, although it can also be an annoyance. And, of course, the city's liberalness is partially a facade, as surrounding Idaho still encroaches on the city/state.

Despite, myself, being a right-wingish conservative/libertarian, I am not Christian , not married, an IT professional and generally just don't fit in with the fellow right-wingers here in the suburbs who are all married and hunkered down with kids and churches and mostly work in blue collar fields. So, even though I am not politically aligned with the city/state of Boise, I find that I am forced to spend most my time hanging out there, as if you are not married/Christian hanging out in Meridian/Nampa or any other TV suburb will prove to be dismal, boring and you will feel left out. Go to any bar in the suburbs and it is either grungy biker dives or its bunch of husbands and wives looking to have a fun couple's night out. Not fun at all for the single professional guy.

So, as I said I am hanging out in Boise, where the other heathens (non-Christian/non-Married types) go. I find that I have to put up with the snobby/cliquey and arrogant attitudes that are more expected in uppity liberal mountain towns when in Boise. People can be friendly, but very superficial and everyone is cliquey and a scenster. It is hard to establish relationships or friendships that have meaning. Everyone seems to have an agenda and you have to basically have to engage in drinking (heavy) and clubbing to establish relationships. I am shocked at how much people drink in Boise and I will admit this town has resulted in me drinking a lot more than I ever use to, as there doesn't seem to be a lot more to do, if you are not spending your entire days doing outdoor recreation (once again, not urban activities).

If you are not going to date college girls, you are flat out of luck. Of course, many women over 28 here are divorced and have usually 2 or more kids. This results in dramatic relationships, especially for the struggling single professional guy who is new to town and trying to survive finding work in Boise's limited job market. Then, he has to juggle the new children he now has acquired (yet who never will be his) through his dating ventures. A lot of single mothers here have a lot of drama and usually come from broken relationships, involving drugs, etc. People seem to marry to young to fulfill ideologies and then have dramatic break-ups . So, basically you are stuck trying to find relationships with young college girls who generally are immature and who have very thick social circles which you have to break into or unfortunately deal with. Hanging out with college kids gets old very quick, I have discovered. College girls here are gorgeous, but I cannot kid myself and think they are relationship material at this age range and lifestyle. Ironically, BSU has one of the highest marriage rates of any university. Although, according to recent study, less people are officially tying the knot, but are still having live-in marriages and producing more babies than ever before. Idaho has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country.

Fewer People Are Getting Married In Idaho, More Are Having Babies | Boise State Public Radio



I lost my job of 15 years and thought I would be able to pull off my own business, but I failed. It was cheaper to live here with my savings , but I incurred a horrible nerve injury which knocked me out for a good 4 months or so. Anyway, now I am running out of money and see that the options for software developers are dismal. Boise seems to be much more attractive to blue collar fields and service industry jobs, but shuns away the white collar sector. There is one place I think pays very well , but I cannot afford to risk my future at getting a job at one place. Micron, from what I see looks like an IT sweatshop that works its software workers to death and pays them dismal salaries, with very little job security and horrible mismanagement. It's sad that Micron is the biggest game in town. I am not surprised really, as companies that focus on hardware/electronics generally invest their resources to paying their skilled electronic engineers and software guys generally come tag along. My goal is to work at a company that would be the opposite and cherish the software guys and let the other fields be hired as support to the software infrastructure. Sadly, in Boise there is not many options with IT companies and the largest employers are hardware manufacturers.

I guess I just don't get Boise. It seems to be a very hard town to meet people. The people in suburbs are friendly, but very Christian and seem to never leave their houses. People have a hard enough time even acknowledging you walk down the streeet.

I come from a place where people are supposedly much less friendly, but I have found people to be friendlier in Washington and Oregon. I'm wondering if it is because a majority of people around me are transplants from California? I'm thinking the spread out nature of Boise area and reserved nature of Idaho people and the Mormon/Christian societal influences just results in a culture of people who tend to not want to interact with other people and just keep to their cliqued/social infrastructures.


I am sure I will be attacked by a few here, but just wanted to give my honest assessment of my experience living in Boise a Second Time. I wanted it to work and tried hard, but have to say I have been fairly lonely and depressed here. It isn't all Boise's fault, as I lost my job of 15 years, got cheated in business and been suffering with health problems, being literally crippled for 4 months of my time living here. However, I do find it is a hard place to make friends and dating here will no be fun.. Most professional age guys I see end up going with young college girls and I don't want any serious relationship with immature, wild and drunk girls. It would be nice to make friends with people who have things on the ball, meet other professionals in my age bracket 28-40.

Boise is great for many things. Maybe, when I am an old man, want to be left alone and have a retirement fund I will come back here. Places like Stanley, McCall or most of the Northern /Central Idaho mountains are very pristine and untouched pieces of paradise.

In addition to Seattle, I've also considered a few other cities that are flourishing in IT, like Atlanta, Nashville, Pittsburgh, Dallas, etc. These are all places where single professionals can probably thrive better, find better careers and would be easier for making friends/dating/etc. Small towns are too cliquey, close-minded and where you have to live according to strict set of rules and you are stuck with a smaller group of people who you may find you have to work harder to bond with and who will be considerably more judgmental of your actions. Small town people generally are more judgmental, in my opinion. Boise and many other small quaint towns/little cities around the globe are good places if you just want to get away from it all and raise a family or be left alone.


Anyway, I am going back to Seattle (most likely), as the IT job is booming. I do miss the giant green mountains, water and trees. The desert scenery of Boise also is not appealing to me, being a native Oregonian. Some people get so blown away by the greenbelt, but after living off the McKenzie, Willamette, Columbia and Snoqualmie Rivers, I guess the Greenbelt doesn't seem special to me. I'm thinking so many people come from California or other places like that, that the desert scenery of Boise seem a bit more like home to them and is desirable. I am an Oregonian at heart (my home), but won't move back there due to high taxes , less jobs than Washington , high cost of living vs wages and have family I do not want to see.


I will certainly miss the freedoms and liberties people of Idaho have. There is a lot of good here and maybe once I get children (if that ever happens, not likely at almost 40), I may have no outlook of living here again.

Last edited by RotseCherut; 10-24-2016 at 06:20 AM..

 
Old 10-24-2016, 07:09 AM
 
134 posts, read 244,055 times
Reputation: 311
Glad to see you're taking ol' Sasquatch's advice.
Bye.
 
Old 10-24-2016, 12:10 PM
 
160 posts, read 249,998 times
Reputation: 207
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
And, of course, the city's liberalness is partially a facade, as surrounding Idaho still encroaches on the city/state.
Complete opposite - the liberalness of the city is in-your-face real, and is growing and encroaching outward onto the rest of the state.
Quote:
So, even though I am not politically aligned with the city/state of Boise, I find that I am forced to spend most my time hanging out there, as if you are not married/Christian hanging out in Meridian/Nampa or any other TV suburb will prove to be dismal, boring and you will feel left out.
Yet it continues to pop up again and again as one of the best places to live/work/raise families/retire in America; Meridian being one of the fastest-growing communities in the U.S. Seems like folks are moving IN, not OUT. If it was all that dismal and boring, the population would be shrinking, not growing.
Quote:
...or its bunch of husbands and wives looking to have a fun couple's night out.
Sounds like living hell.
Quote:
Most professional age guys I see end up going with young college girls and I don't want any serious relationship with immature, wild and drunk girls.
I've heard of toddler-age, teenage, college-age ... what is "professional age"? My neighbor is a 64-year-old professional - is he still in the professional age? He doesn't seem to have a problem with wild/drunk girls.
Quote:
I find that I have to put up with the snobby/cliquey and arrogant attitudes that are more expected in uppity liberal mountain towns when in Boise.
You mean mountain towns like Aspen/Vail or Sun Valley? Destination cities where folks (mostly rich/famous) go to recreate; have summer/winter homes? Boise's "attitude" compares to that? Or are you referring to other uppity liberal mountain towns?
Quote:
Idaho has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country.
Not true - it's in the lower third - despite the fact that the highest teen pregnancy rates are found mostly in über Red/Family-Values states - an interesting anomaly.
Quote:
There is a lot of good here and maybe once I get children (if that ever happens, not likely at almost 40), I may have no outlook of living here again.
Remove the parenthetic portion of this sentence, and it reads:
There is a lot of good here and maybe once I get children, I may have no outlook of living here again.
Say what?
 
Old 10-24-2016, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Nashville
3,533 posts, read 5,796,961 times
Reputation: 4707
TMH, sorry was late, that last sentence was a typo. I meant that if I ever get married with kids, I will have to reconsider living here.

Professional aged would be the age range most people have careers, usually 28 to 49. I agree I didn't use the best choice of words, typed the post up quickly before I could reread it; please accept my apologies.

You didnt read all my post or picking and choosing where to comment. I said there are many great things about the Treasure Valley which is obviously why it is growing fast. However, most people moving here bring their families with them. indeed, places like Meridian that cater to married people and are safe for families are great for that demographic and to some it can seem like paradise. To a single guy who is not integrated in a social life and friendships that revolve around church, school and family events it is hell.

I understand nobody will miss me. The liberals of Boise won't miss me, I am right-wing, gun toting conservative. The religious conservatives in the suburbs won't miss me either as I am a Jew, not married, no kids and don't have any means of being part of their community.

As well, being a software person means I have limited options in Boise. This town does not have much resources or opportunitis for IT people. Micron is the coal mine of software jobs.

Another problem with Idaho is the taxes are too damn high. With rising property values that 8% state tax plus tax on just about everything else will hurt. An 80000 salary in boise is a 100000 salary in Washington or Texas.

Last edited by RotseCherut; 10-24-2016 at 01:59 PM..
 
Old 10-24-2016, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth Milky Way
1,424 posts, read 1,260,389 times
Reputation: 2786
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
TMH, sorry was late, that last sentence was a typo. I meant that if I ever get married with kids, I will have to reconsider living here.

Professional aged would be the age range most people have careers, usually 28 to 49. I agree I didn't use the best choice of words, typed the post up quickly before I could reread it; please accept my apologies.

You didnt read all my post or picking and choosing where to comment. I said there are many great things about the Treasure Valley which is obviously why it is growing fast. However, most people moving here bring their families with them. indeed, places like Meridian that cater to married people and are safe for families are great for that demographic and to some it can seem like paradise. To a single guy who is interrated in a social life and friendships that doesn't revolve around church, school and family events it is hell.

I understand nobody will miss me. The liberals of Boise won't miss me, I am right-wing, gun toting conservative. The religious conservatives in the suburbs won't miss me either as I am a Jew, not married, no kids and don't have any means of being part of their community.

As well, being a software person means I have limited options in Boise. This town does not have much resources or opportunitis for IT people. Micron is the coal mine of software jobs.

Another problem with Idaho is the taxes are too damn high. With rising property values that 8% state tax plus tax on just about everything else will hurt. An 80000 salary in boise is a 100000 salary in Washington or Texas.

Look outside the US for a relationship. A foreigner. It worked for me. I've been married to a Peruaña for over 6 yrs. now.
But I would suggest staying away from Latinas since they (usually) have a strong tie to the Catholic religion.
Maybe a Russian or Filipina.
 
Old 10-24-2016, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Old Mother Idaho
29,177 posts, read 22,178,560 times
Reputation: 23798
I understand your frustrations, Rotse, though my understanding comes second-hand.

All my grown kids are around your age, and they all live in cities where young adult professionals who are still single are much more common than in Boise. All 3 of mine are still single and have no children of their own, and they all have different circles of friendships with others their age who are doing all kinds of different jobs at differing income levels.

In most of the other current hot spots, folks your age don't marry as young as they do here, or have children at a young age. They are more interested in getting ahead in their careers, and have many more places to go to be among others like them.

I'm not so sure how much its a liberal/conservative thing; I've known lots of Idaho high-achievers who are pretty intellectual, and most still have a redneck side they enjoy and don't give up. It's like a lot of the other contradictory aspects of life here.

Idahoans do marry young. Young Idahoans are not as educated as they once were. Our number of young college graduates is now much lower now than it was when I was in my 20s, and the numbers don't show much sign of increasing.

Boise is really no different than any of the rest of our cities in the dearth of social opportunities for single folks your age; Idaho Falls attracts a lot of young professionals, and they have the same problems here you have there. It's a very common complaint.

Happiness is where you find it for us all. Best of luck, and I hope your next move will be the last for you for a long time to come.
 
Old 10-24-2016, 03:13 PM
 
6 posts, read 10,116 times
Reputation: 17
Have you tried online dating? Since it's difficult to find people in person, you might want to give it a shot. I have several friends who have met online and have found good people they had a lot in common with. It can be really hard to get used to a new place when you feel so isolated, if you're not finding your group of friends or if you don't have a special person in your life. You could also ask the younger college girls if they have any older friends/ sisters, etc they could introduce you to.
 
Old 10-24-2016, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Nashville
3,533 posts, read 5,796,961 times
Reputation: 4707
MamaHearts and Lluvia, finding a date is the least of my problems now, especially while I am worried about putting food on the table and going hungry. Indeed, I would love to have a lady, but between fighting health problems (damaged nerve from work) , getting cheated and losing my business of 15 years, I have a hard time being desirable or putting on my smiley face for the dating scene, myself. Boise's dating scene is dismal as it is, so adding my life problems only compounds it. I basically haven't even pursued it. A lot of guys I know here my age, just do Tinder SEx hookups with the college-aged girls for their romantic ventures and it seems to satisfy their needs temporarily. I've avoided that so far. I just am too busy struggling to survive and online dating is a real headache and I always preferred day-gaming women (old fashioned going up and getting phone number). That's tough to do in a smaller town, especially one like Boise, where many women are already hitched up in their early 20s. Being a smaller town and with Boise's reserved type of culture, it is almost unheard of anyway for men to approach women here. I've actually never seen it done here ever. Seems to be tabbooish and I notice girls here are reserved and seem to all need to keep up a reputation. It seems that everyone knows everyone's business, so I can somewhat understand their mindsets. I find the lack of opportunities for women in Boise also seems to drive away most 20-30 something women to bigger cities where they have more opportunities than becoming a housewife/soccer mom. Also, I do believe Mormon/Christian culture, itself, promotes women to just marry young and hunker down, in contrast the more hedonistic culture of where I grew up in Oregon, which has one of the lowest marriage rates in the country.

Personally, I would have been happy just having a group of friends, some male camaraderie or any type of human connection. I'm lonely and miserable enough here where I would be happy to have any friendship. Of course, Boise being a "couples" town, everything seems to revolve around being in love and marriage. The groups of men hanging out are mostly college aged or work buddies and seem very cliquey. I find Boise to be almost tribal like in the fact that groups of people just seem to only hangout with their insular group of friends and shun any other people into their social circle. It takes a lot of work to chisle your way in as I have tried. I tried hard making friends here, but it seems like every person who I ended up hanging out with had mental problems or ended up being a scumbag and I had to run away from them. I'm not saying you cannot make good friends in Boise being an outsider, but it takes a very long time.


BanjoMike, I really appreciate you as a poster here, your in-depth knowledge of Idaho, it's history and your passion for the state. Indeed, you are the kind of guy I wish I could have met here and had a beer with. Some other time, maybe. I will continue enjoying your posts, as I will come to the Idaho forum time to time even after I leave. I hope people don't get me wrong and think I don't like Idaho. Idaho is a wonderous state and has so much to offer. However, as you wrote, in a very rational, unbiased view, this may not be the best place for everyone in every situation in life. Obviously, me trying to push ahead into my IT career and being new to a place that is very tight-knit society, where people are married young, etc, it is hard to break ground here. BTW, Wasn't aware Idaho Falls had much to offer, as I thought it was mostly reserved Mormon town. Most people I talk to say if you are not MOrmon/LDS, life in Idaho Falls will be a bit depressing. The unversity I hear is pretty nice, but universities only take somebody in my demographic so far.
 
Old 10-24-2016, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Idaho, for good, finally
100 posts, read 142,156 times
Reputation: 190
Your post sounds like you have no hobbies. If you are a computer geek and know nothing else, that does tend to limit your circle of friends. Hard to talk to someone you meet when that is not what they know or do.

I did the bar scene -- again -- in my forties, and while I did meet interesting people, many were younger and/or had baggage. Interesting, made some good friends but quite expensive, emotionally and financially. Don't want to do that again.

Try a hobby totally unrelated to your work. I can fly model airplanes, ride motorcycles both locally and long trips, and do electrical wiring on old cars, hot rods, customs, restorations. Each of these affords me a different group of friends that are not in my career field.

Retired now and planning to move to Boise area. I figure that meeting people through hobbies works much better than the bar scene.
 
Old 10-25-2016, 12:09 AM
 
Location: Alaska
256 posts, read 448,719 times
Reputation: 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Outta_Here View Post

Try a hobby totally unrelated to your work. I can fly model airplanes, ride motorcycles both locally and long trips, and do electrical wiring on old cars, hot rods, customs, restorations. Each of these affords me a different group of friends that are not in my career field.

Retired now and planning to move to Boise area. I figure that meeting people through hobbies works much better than the bar scene.
True. Have been messing around with RC cars for years. Have more money than I would like to admit tied up in this hobby. A lot of people are into them and setting up tracks are easy.

Recently started getting into quad-copters and airplanes, and love anything off road, bikes, cross country skiing, online games, etc. Point is, find something you like and explore, you will meet people and have a great time.

IF we move into Bosie area, I will surely be looking for other like minded people. It makes all the difference in the world.
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