Left Hometown/Family to Relocate with Boyfriend to Boston

[miu]

I think that you should have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the possibility of him finding a job in CA where you are from. You've made the big effort to move to Boston to be with him, and if he feels as seriously about you as you do about him, he should be willing to try living back in CA to be with you if it makes you happy.

Some people enjoy moving to a new location, some don't. It sounds like you need to be back in CA. And from your post, it doesn't matter where your boyfriend lives as long as he finds good work.

My bf made the big move from FL to be with me eight years ago. He doesn't miss FL at all and also doesn't miss his family... but maybe that's because he's a guy. So that's lucky for our relationship because I would never ever move to FL for him. BTW over the years, my family members have all moved to CA, so it's not family ties that keep me here.

[snatale1]

Originally Posted by sarah999

I would regret it if I didn't try (having lived in my hometown my entire life).

and it is all the little things that are different that bother me! For example, the lack of parking (unheard of in the town I come from), rude driving, no street signs, and overall congested feeling of being in the city.

That is EVERY city! Not just Boston, not just the East Coast!


Your forcing yourself to hate Boston, and nitpicking the differences. You need to live life for yourself, not the people in CA, family or not. Being away can suck but it gets easier. If you don't like living in the City, move to the Burbs. I moved to VA (from Boston) and did the same thing your doing now, and I promise you will only drive your self insane doing it. Were I live now is much nicer than were I lived there (West Roxbury, which is NICE). But now I live an a luxury apt complex, in the process of buying a house. Both of which would not have been possible if I stayed there (and I made more in MA!).There is WAY more to do here, nicer weather and the list goes on. Point being it was fun at first, then hell because I made it that way. Once I cut the crap I became very happy here and saw it for what it was. I can still go to MA to visit, which I do a lot. But don't obsess about the fact that your not in CA.

[sarah999]

Thank you everyone for all your comments. I've had a lot to think about... It was good for me to write out everything, forget about it for awhile, and come back with a fresh perspective. I do realize that no one can make these decisions for me, and I am fortunate to be in a position where I have a decision to make, rather than forced into one by outside forces.

I felt something shift. It was after my mother visited and I was still basking in the glow of our adventures. Home is always home for each of us, and at least we can visit, and family can visit. The trees came alive, and everything is green again. The trees here are full with so many vibrant green leaves. They're beautiful - and in such a different way then the evergreens in California. Now Boston is green all over and it feels like a happier place.

I think I will give it at least another year here in the hopes that the new job, easier commute and such, will brighten things up. I want both my boyfriend and I to be happy, and the truth is, doing my own detective work around my hometown, there really isn't that much in his line of work that would be intellectually invigorating. At least I have the option of finding something in my career here to try to make things right for me.

We have other things to think about now - if my new job is great and I'm staying, can we think about getting a more permanent place to live (ex: condo?). Does anyone have experience with this? Is it better to own vs rent? We can't afford a house here. I'll be flying back home next month to clean up the house and put it up for rent. I now know I'm one of those people where change is really hard - it's tough letting go of things, and even tougher being far from those we love, but I would be miserable without my guy.

So...does anyone have recommendations for the best quiet, nature places in Boston to read, draw, or write?

Thanks again for your thoughts!

[jellybean23]

I just read through this thread and just wanted to say that I'm glad you are feeling more optimistic. Although I'm a Boston native, I was in a similar situation when I moved to another city a few years back. I was constantly homesick for the first year or so but it really does get better, particularly if you can take the time to explore and find places you love.

As for quiet, nature filled places, you are lucky because Boston is filled with them! Of the top of my head, I can think of the Public Garden downtown (maybe not so quiet), Arnold Arboretum in JP, Jamaica Pond, along the Charles River, and Mt Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge. There are also lots of smaller spots that you can stumble upon, like the courtyard inside the Boston Public Library (Copley), the Kelleher Rose Garden near Fenway, or some of the courtyards on Harvard's campus.

[miu]

Originally Posted by sarah999

We have other things to think about now - if my new job is great and I'm staying, can we think about getting a more permanent place to live (ex: condo?).

Definitely rent over buying... since while you have a better opinion of our area, you still need to see how you feel after a years time.

And I would in the meantime, get a paper map of the Boston area with the MBTA and commuter system detailed on it... and just start exploring the area. You'll want your next place to be convenient for public transportation to wherever you both are working.

So...does anyone have recommendations for the best quiet, nature places in Boston to read, draw, or write?

There are many places in the area for that, some might be best on weekdays since most people have their weekends off. All along the Charles River west of the city has potential. And many people like going to the Fellsway area in the Medford/Malden/Winchester area for walks and biking.

And go visit the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum and sit in the courtyard.