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Old 08-13-2012, 09:09 AM
 
38 posts, read 77,144 times
Reputation: 31

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Hi folks,
So I'm not a "newbie" as such. I moved to Boston 2.5 years ago. However my social circle has dwindled to zero as my other friends moved away/back home.

What do people do around here? I don't wanna start the "New England people are cold" debate, they're not, but its hard to make new friends to go out with, the best I've done is aquaintances.

I'm pretty active.
I go running most evenings I'm free.
I go out into the city at the weekends to explore.
I drive to new places out of town.
I go to lots of concerts/sports events by myself.

None of it really helps to meet anyone though.

Other things:
I have a good career job but all co-workers are 20+ years my senior and live out of town. 4.30 comes "Oh! Must run for my train" so there's no social side, its strictly buisiness.

To meet people, you need to have friends, catch 22.

Meetup.com... Not dismissing it but the groups tend to be a little "selective", like "Females 32-33.5 living in east side of Worcester who enjoy knitting specifically red mittens". Ok, thats a bit much, but they aren't really groups like "New in town, lets get drinks" sort of groups. Singles groups seem to be the same few people trying to sell speed-dating and PUA courses. There's a few "sporty" groups which seem interesting but haven't had meetups in over a year... it's a good idea, but the actual groups available seem like a dead loss.

I tried joining a "Social" sports league. It was fun to get out and play some sports midweek but the "social" side wasn't there. The guys didn't talk to any other guys and basically spent the whole time chatting up the girls and trying to c*ck-block the other guys... not really the sort of atmosphere I was expecting to be honest.

So.....
What do people do? I'm lost.
And I'm 28, and not a student.
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Old 08-13-2012, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Bike to Surf!
3,080 posts, read 10,325,945 times
Reputation: 3003
Try open mic nights in Somerville / Cambridge. Bloc 11 in Union Square has one on Thursdays. There's usually no free tables by the stage, so ask someone interesting-looking if you can sit with them. Try to strike up a conversation between performers. If you liked a performance, try talking to the person afterward.
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: East Coast
866 posts, read 2,409,861 times
Reputation: 549
Do you live in the city? Is your neighborhood urban/walkable? It's probably easier to meet friends in that setting than if you were further out into the suburbs. Here is a list of ideas on ways to meet people, and in time it could turn into a friendship.

- Does your college have an alumni network in Boston/New England? You could connect with other alumni.
- Owning a dog and meeting other dog owners in the dog park.
- Sitting at a bar, watching a sports game, chatting up with other patrons (you kind of have to be lucky with this one; you have to be able to read people well before you can strike up a conversation).
- Community association/neighborhood improvement association meetings
- Adult education classes - cooking, etc.
- Joining a gym, taking classes there, and seeing others there at regular times.
- Wine tastings
- Neighbors. Can you sit on your front steps? Are there community events if you live in an apartment building? If you get to know some of your neighbors, eventually you might reach a point where you do things together.
- Join a running club.
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Old 08-13-2012, 12:59 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,616 posts, read 36,586,486 times
Reputation: 17411
Where did you move from? What about volunteer for a charity like helping out a fundraiser run or walk? Does your college have an alumni group in the area?

And what about getting a dog, one that can keep you company when you run? Having a nice dog is always a good ice breaker.
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:08 PM
 
38 posts, read 77,144 times
Reputation: 31
Again.... I'm not a student. I'm 28 and working in the city.

Join "a group" or help "a group" is fine but I've looked and looked.
Like is there are particular walk that needs volunteers right now that I haven't come across?
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Location: East Coast
866 posts, read 2,409,861 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by XeeDee View Post
Again.... I'm not a student. I'm 28 and working in the city.
Yes, but did you go to college? If so, does the school you went to have an alumni chapter here? Often times alumni associations will host a variety of events, from happy hours to community service opportunities. You could potentially meet other alumni and meet their friends.
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:27 PM
 
38 posts, read 77,144 times
Reputation: 31
Well... no... I went to college but not here nor is there anything related to it here or I would go to it. I'm not looking to find student committees or anything. I'm talking about people my own age and stuff.
That's my whole point here... I'm not really "in" any crowd.
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:59 PM
 
Location: East Coast
866 posts, read 2,409,861 times
Reputation: 549
Gotcha. I was talking about other alumni your age, not current students, but either way if that's not what you're looking for, consider some of the other ideas on the list in my post above. Several of them are ways I've met people here in the last 10 months.
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Old 08-13-2012, 03:07 PM
 
Location: North Jackson
2,176 posts, read 3,534,601 times
Reputation: 3012
To the OP, I "think" you're a dude, but I'm not 100% sure. Please correct me if I am wrong.

As a guy, finding friends without anything in common is next to impossible. It's not a Boston thing, it's a guy thing. I'm really concerned with all these people telling you to go out to bars and strike up conversations with strangers. Think about it - how receptive would you be to a strange guy talking to you and wanting to get together with you later?

Random encounters at bars, restaurants, waling down the street, running, cycling, etc, will not work.

To make friends from scratch, without any "references," you'll need to get involved in different activities where you are with the same people each time, and have a chance to talk. The gym doesn't work for this, because people are doing their workout thing on their own, or showering and dressing.

What works? Large churches that have singles ministries. They will often have weekly sporting events, get-togethers, and even trips. If you are a churchgoing person, this is often a good route to making friends, as well as meeting potential partners. And once you're "in" you will start hearing about the parties and events people are having on their own.

Volunteering, but again you have to choose wisely. Going to the local soup kitchen to help each week is noble, but won't put you in touch with anyone. Other than the coordinator of the kitchen, you won't see the same people every time so you can't build up any camaraderie. Maybe working on the political campaign of the politician of your choice? Campaign workers are often young, social types.

Another thing that works - group golf lessons. By taking lessons with a group you instantly have something in common with several people. Also, you can call them up and offer to practice together, so you can get together with these people in a non-threatening manner.

What do you think about these options?
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Old 08-13-2012, 03:21 PM
 
Location: North Jackson
2,176 posts, read 3,534,601 times
Reputation: 3012
Two options you might consider a last-resort:

1. Get a new job, with younger employees or a different culture.
I switched from an engineering gig (where everyone was a family man) to a downtown software company with 200 people. These guys did nothing but go out to lunch, and then go out partying after work. Even the older guys had the company culture of wanting to socialize.

2. Go back and get your MBA.
But NOT at Harvard! If you go to Harvard all your friends will leave after graduation. Go to one of the local schools where people are likely to stay in Boston after graduation. BU/Tufts, whatever. My wife has a core group of friends that remain in contact 10 years later, most still in the same city (WE are the ones that moved).

Now that I think about it, #2 might help with #1.

I know this seems extreme, but as they say, desperate times...
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