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Old 07-06-2013, 08:20 AM
 
1,859 posts, read 4,238,275 times
Reputation: 1698

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You get bitched at by everyone? No one wants to hang out with you and always seem busy? Your post is very negative so maybe you are giving off negativity and you don't even realize it?

Try taking a class or joining some kind of a group. There is lots to do in and around the city. Or better yet why don't you hire a life coach? Maybe an unbiased opinion on how you present yourselves to others is what you need.

Good luck.
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Old 07-06-2013, 08:29 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,418,786 times
Reputation: 15197
Just going by her posts, and perhaps in real life she is a different person, but the OP does come across as a narcissistic personality. She arrives in Boston as a newcomer and expects the red carpet to be rolled out for her. At work, she introduces herself as new to Boston and without any friends and expects everyone to drop what they are doing to make room for her in their lives. She is upset that no one's priority is to be her new best friend and shopping buddy. She is disappointed that no one is spending their precious free time to show her the city and sights.

We're a college town and used to people moving in and out of our great city. So we just don't get that excited by anyone new. Newcomers are just not that interesting or special as people. No one invited her or her husband, they just happened to find jobs here, so why would she expect any special attention to her needs? The OP needs to accept that and gracefully.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Bike to Surf!
3,080 posts, read 9,687,600 times
Reputation: 2977
LOL @ Boston people flaming a poster for asking how to make friends. No surprises there.

Seriously, move to California. We did, and people are much nicer, more fun, and more interesting here.
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Old 07-06-2013, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,395 posts, read 15,995,267 times
Reputation: 18034
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Just going by her posts, and perhaps in real life she is a different person, but the OP does come across as a narcissistic personality.
Read your own posts lately? This is your 3rd post harping on the OP.
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Old 07-06-2013, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Boston, MA
7,854 posts, read 6,808,966 times
Reputation: 6573
This thread is so catty.
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Old 07-06-2013, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
86 posts, read 217,533 times
Reputation: 116
I agree with the sentiments of the last three posters - to an extent I think people are being a little hard on the OP. Even though I was born and raised in the area, I can definitely understand where she is coming from.

Boston (or perhaps even New Englad) is different from the rest of the country in some ways. When I moved to the midwest (Chicago) I was blown away by how friendly people seemed, and how many people invited me to do things in the first couple of months. It seemed like I had made so many friends, so quickly. And then I came to realize that people were just being what they considered to be polite to a newcomer. Midwesterners (as a gross generalization) are big on polite. It feel like I had the same sort of culture shock that the OP had, but in reverse - because I was used to expecting most people to be reserved, uninterested, and somewhat crusty.

When I moved back here, only took 3-4 weeks to adjust back to my old ways. But for someone who has lived their whole life elsewhere, it can definitely take awhile to adjust to a different social climate.
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Old 07-06-2013, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
214 posts, read 233,323 times
Reputation: 211
I just want to say that Boston and New England are amazing, and no amount of attacks on us from outsiders (such as the OP) will ever change that about us.
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:09 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,418,786 times
Reputation: 15197
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjimmy24 View Post
This thread is so catty.
Fine. You be the OP's new BFF in real life then. And just because it's a female poster criticizing the female OP, that doesn't make it "catty".

And I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest and straightforward about the situation with her. She's been here long enough (a year) and if she doesn't change her approach to the Bostonians she currently is surrounded with, she's never going to make any true friends here.

As mentioned in other threads about New Englanders, we aren't into fake displays of friendliness and we don't have time for helpless acting adults who are only handicapped by their own negative or lazy attitudes. Just waving around a flag saying that they are new to Boston and have no friends is not going to make Bostonians run to her in droves carrying welcome baskets and asking her out to dinner. Plus, she's now been here for a year, so that tactic is getting old and tiresome to her co-workers.

I was also speaking from the point of view as someone who at the age of 54 has been to many parts of the country on road trips by myself and worked many different jobs and met lots of people. And I know what types of personalities people are generally attracted and unattracted to.

And how much extra time does the OP have on her hands anyway? Does she have time for a part time job on Newbury St. one or two days a week? Or for volunteering at the Boston Public Library? She just needs to get out among new groups of people. Eventually, she'll click with someone that may become new friend material.

Also, if she is somewhat shy, one of my friends from IA had great success joining a local Toastmasters International group. Plus it taught her to be comfortable at public speaking.

Anyway, it is frustrating (to me) when an OP (who claims to have this sort of problem with Bostonians and presumably has the time on her hands for the potential friendships she seeks) doesn't return to her thread to have an active discussion on her situation. I guess that she was only looking for sympathy and for us to bash those in her life being "unfriendly" to her.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:27 AM
 
4,240 posts, read 3,312,505 times
Reputation: 7111
I love free drama....
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Boston, MA
7,854 posts, read 6,808,966 times
Reputation: 6573
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Fine. You be the OP's new BFF in real life then. And just because it's a female poster criticizing the female OP, that doesn't make it "catty".

And I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest and straightforward about the situation with her. She's been here long enough (a year) and if she doesn't change her approach to the Bostonians she currently is surrounded with, she's never going to make any true friends here.

As mentioned in other threads about New Englanders, we aren't into fake displays of friendliness and we don't have time for helpless acting adults who are only handicapped by their own negative or lazy attitudes. Just waving around a flag saying that they are new to Boston and have no friends is not going to make Bostonians run to her in droves carrying welcome baskets and asking her out to dinner. Plus, she's now been here for a year, so that tactic is getting old and tiresome to her co-workers.

I was also speaking from the point of view as someone who at the age of 54 has been to many parts of the country on road trips by myself and worked many different jobs and met lots of people. And I know what types of personalities people are generally attracted and unattracted to.

And how much extra time does the OP have on her hands anyway? Does she have time for a part time job on Newbury St. one or two days a week? Or for volunteering at the Boston Public Library? She just needs to get out among new groups of people. Eventually, she'll click with someone that may become new friend material.

Also, if she is somewhat shy, one of my friends from IA had great success joining a local Toastmasters International group. Plus it taught her to be comfortable at public speaking.

Anyway, it is frustrating (to me) when an OP (who claims to have this sort of problem with Bostonians and presumably has the time on her hands for the potential friendships she seeks) doesn't return to her thread to have an active discussion on her situation. I guess that she was only looking for sympathy and for us to bash those in her life being "unfriendly" to her.
I don't know, I'm not a native Bostonian and I have not really had a terrible time making friends here (not any better or worse than other places I've lived, at least). I've had a lot of random people talk to me and have pleasant conversations in many different places- the T, 7-11s, bars, outside my apartment building (not always playing on your phone and listening to music does wonders for this). I mean, I am not actually friends with these people, but the atmosphere of being able to talk to someone on a real level is nice. So in a way, I agree with you. I just think the language in which your message is conveyed to the OP kinda fits in exactly with what she said she doesn't like about Boston- kinda funny. Proving her point.

But stripping down your advice about part time jobs, volunteering, etc is actually good advice. Let me also recommend joining a gym and taking classes there. Meetup is hit or miss and I've actually not made any friends from it, but sometimes it's at least been an enjoyable couple hours. Depends on the groups you join I guess. Adult education classes are good too. Take a foreign language class (or whatever you're interested in) via Cambridge Adult Education or something. There are many choices and you'll meet some interesting people
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