U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Massachusetts > Boston
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 07-02-2013, 07:12 PM
 
33 posts, read 92,634 times
Reputation: 25

Advertisements

I honestly can't handle it anymore. Everywhere I go people are mean to me here. I can't seem to find anyone to be friends with. No one is friendly. No one invites me to hang out during the week or do anything on the weekends. I try to ask the few people I know to do stuff but they all seem to busy and just work 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore. But after a year living here I'm frankly quite tired of being lonely and being bitched at by everyone in stores or anywhere I go in public. I moved to a city because I thought city living would be fun. I'm finding out live in the midwest was a whole lot better.

So does anyone know where I can go to meet some nice people who want friends and who are actually welcoming to newcomers?
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-02-2013, 08:48 PM
 
596 posts, read 784,246 times
Reputation: 1181
Your best option is to move to a place where there are a lot of transplants. In the Northeast (with only a few exceptions) most of the people are very tight with their families and they have known their friends since they were fetuses. In other words, they have neither the time nor the desire to hang out with you.

The other option is to have kids, and you will easily meet other parents.

Last edited by Pito_Chueco; 07-02-2013 at 09:42 PM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-02-2013, 09:30 PM
 
33 posts, read 92,634 times
Reputation: 25
Ha! Well good thing I'm thinking about having kids in the next year or two! That gives me some hope at least.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-02-2013, 11:13 PM
 
5,760 posts, read 13,323,224 times
Reputation: 4523
LOL about people being friends since they were fetuses. Some reps your way for that one, Pito.

Good advice from Pito about finding areas with transplants. If you live within reach of student areas like the Fenway or Mass. Ave. in Cambridge, or young professionals areas like Somerville or the South End, check out some of the eateries, coffee shops, or bars. Check out those kinds of places whatever neighborhood you live in. Becoming a regular at casual kinds of places where people go to relax puts you in touch with other regulars when they're in the mood to kick back and be social. Bostonians can be friendly, albeit often in a low-key way, in more intimate, relaxed settings like these.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 06:27 AM
 
3,581 posts, read 3,666,022 times
Reputation: 2590
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpetticoat View Post
I honestly can't handle it anymore. Everywhere I go people are mean to me here. I can't seem to find anyone to be friends with. No one is friendly. No one invites me to hang out during the week or do anything on the weekends. I try to ask the few people I know to do stuff but they all seem to busy and just work 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore. But after a year living here I'm frankly quite tired of being lonely and being bitched at by everyone in stores or anywhere I go in public. I moved to a city because I thought city living would be fun. I'm finding out live in the midwest was a whole lot better.

So does anyone know where I can go to meet some nice people who want friends and who are actually welcoming to newcomers?
Can you please detail how you get bitched at in public and everywhere you go?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,395 posts, read 15,995,267 times
Reputation: 18035
Where do you live? Boston is a little pricklier than other parts of the country, but that's part of the attraction to me and many others who move here. However, I've always found it easy to make friends if I put in the effort. No one is going to invite you out after work or on the weekends at random - you need to build a relationship with them first and YOU need to put in the effort. There are tons of activities for young professionals - networking, volunteering, political groups, common interest groups, etc. For awhile, I did a lot of Meetup activities in metro-west for people in their 20s and 30s. Now, most of my friends come from the organizations I volunteer with.

Don't expect to meet someone once and have a "friend" (in quotes - experienced a lot of those superficial friendships growing up in GA). Rather, keep going to activities, put yourself out there, and after 3 or 4 times of being active and showing your face, ask people to coffee or some other activity. Building friendships here amounts to a year of work versus a few weeks or months that might be true in other places. However, once you're friends, you're friends for life. I imagine it might be more difficult if you are married (since you mention having kids soon). I don't put much effort into befriending married people... it's a weird dynamic for a single person.

Some workplaces are less friendly than others. I am very close with a few of my coworkers and ex-coworkers, but we have had a few events that were real bonding experiences. We're also all in our 20s and all transplants. We only hang out with each other and rarely introduce each other to our other friends - keeps the office dynamic better and more private that way.

The pace of life is just a lot faster here than in the Midwest. The Boston area is very transient - but we're transient because we're career focused. Most of my friends (including myself) work at least 40 hours a week, take graduate or postbach classes, and still volunteer for 1 or 2 organizations. I just don't have time to go out of my way to meet newcomers - but am more than open to befriending them if they show interest. Friendships take time and you need to show that you are serious about an activity or person before people here will be willing to take a chance on you with their limited time.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 09:12 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,418,786 times
Reputation: 15198
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpetticoat View Post
Ha! Well good thing I'm thinking about having kids in the next year or two! That gives me some hope at least.
How old are you?

And how can you even consider having kids in the next year or two when you don't even have a boyfriend?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 09:39 AM
 
1,218 posts, read 2,022,479 times
Reputation: 1309
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpetticoat View Post
I honestly can't handle it anymore. Everywhere I go people are mean to me here. I can't seem to find anyone to be friends with. No one is friendly. No one invites me to hang out during the week or do anything on the weekends. I try to ask the few people I know to do stuff but they all seem to busy and just work 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore. But after a year living here I'm frankly quite tired of being lonely and being bitched at by everyone in stores or anywhere I go in public. I moved to a city because I thought city living would be fun. I'm finding out live in the midwest was a whole lot better.

So does anyone know where I can go to meet some nice people who want friends and who are actually welcoming to newcomers?
The other posters here are right, you need to be proactive about it. People in Boston do tend to have set social groups for the most part and don't necessarily need others. As a transplant myself, I will admit that most of the friends that I have made are people not from the city originally. The best place to start is work, be-friend people in the office on a personal level. Consider doing volunteer work for some non-profits or festival events or something. I find it is common for people to get involved in some sort of volunteer-type activity. Also, try joining an amateur sports league or club that does something active. Lots of laid back people who are open to meeting new people join such clubs. I've also met a couple of good people through a cooking class of all things.

It does takes time and I kind of know how you feel. To be honest, I did not make any friends outside of work in the first year I lived in Boston but I've subsequently built up a good social circle so it's possible. It's the summertime now so its a great time to get out there and do things to meet people.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 09:57 AM
 
5,016 posts, read 4,828,482 times
Reputation: 11667
Maybe you just need to wear some lower cut tops and tighter bottoms?

If you want to meet people find an activity, sport, hobby, club, etc. and do it with other people. Easy Peezy.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2013, 11:01 AM
 
387 posts, read 732,289 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
How old are you?

And how can you even consider having kids in the next year or two when you don't even have a boyfriend?
Her past posts say she's about 30 and married. Kids aren't that weird of an idea.

Redpetticoat, what types of things are you interested in? The more specific (and honest) you can be about what you like to do, the more likely you are to find friends that stick.

I was 30 and newly married in the city not too long ago, and it is hard (even, in my case, having a few friends in town already). The first few groups that I somewhat befriended just weren't right for me. We never wanted to do the same things. But in each group I met a kindred spirit or two, and those people eventually introduced me to the people who ultimately ended up being my good friends.

The value of Meetup.com cannot be overstated. Type in "30s," check out several groups, then commit to a couple that meet at least once a month. Even if they don't end up being your best friends, you'll be out, meeting new people, having social interactions, and getting to know how Boston works.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Options
X
Data:
Loading data...
Based on 2000-2016 data
Loading data...

123
Hide US histogram

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Massachusetts > Boston
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top