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Old 09-12-2013, 05:25 AM
 
Location: Boston,MA
117 posts, read 74,742 times
Reputation: 76

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pipo11 View Post
Hello! I'm a Latino gay male in my upper thirties. I moved to Boston from Miami one and a half year ago.

I really like the fact that 43% Boston's residents (I mean the City of Boston) have a Bachelor's Degree or higher compared to Miami-Dade County with just 26% of its population (US Census Bureau, 2012).

I don't have problems meeting other Latinos. The problem is when I try to make friendship with people from other races because they usually don't go beyond the small talk.

I'm talking about people who have been living in Boston for many years. This leaves me feeling like an alien from Mars.

What is the secret to make friends in Boston?? How can I really connect with others? Thank you!
I had a similar experience moving here five years ago but getting involved with groups at school helped. The culture and pace of life is definitely much different here than in South Florida. The better question is what type of people are you trying to meet? Friends to hang out at the bar with or friends do community service with? I'm not accusing anyone of being racist but I agree being Latino Boston people do judge you/view you differently than in South Florida (I'm both Latino & Jewish). Have you tried meetup.com?
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Old 09-12-2013, 08:44 AM
 
5,026 posts, read 4,839,646 times
Reputation: 11691
All I know is that I'm way too smart for this thread.
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Old 09-12-2013, 11:19 PM
 
66 posts, read 84,332 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by jewban View Post
I had a similar experience moving here five years ago...
Reading that you had a similar experience validates my own experience. Now I realize that I will need to lower my social expectations about the city.

I also realize that eventually I will leave the city no matter how well economically I can be doing here since it doesn't make sense to live alone in such aloof and taciturn place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jewban View Post
Have you tried meetup.com?
I will try it. Thank you for the suggestion.
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Old 09-17-2013, 07:45 AM
 
40 posts, read 79,592 times
Reputation: 76
This sort of question comes up a lot. I even asked it myself before. It took me a while for it to "click" when I moved here.

I don't think it's a matter of age, race, cred or anything, I hear lots of people say the same thing.
Here's what I eventually found though: A lot of people in the city are from out of town. Be it for collge or work or whatever...
It's not that Boston is "unfriendly", it's not at all... but when someone was new to my hometown they'd stand out, you knew they were the new guy because you hadn't seen them before and people would start talking to them.

In Boston, someone "new in town" isn't really a novelty. Locals don't always go out of their way to befreind them as they assume they will move on shortly. Other non-locals get into this whole attitude of either they are only here temporarily and won't make friends or else they just hear about this "unfriendly" attitude and don't make an effort, either with locals or non-locals.

I spent ages trying to figure out why it was the way it was but you know what... Boston is REALLY friendly. But people don't always make the first move. If you're new in town and wanting to make friends, then MAKE THE FIRST MOVE... go talk to people and they've always been friendly to me, I've made lots of new friends since being more pro-active. People here just don't always make the first move and when people move here they seem to expect a welcoming party.
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Old 09-17-2013, 07:57 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,476 posts, read 33,447,811 times
Reputation: 15211
Quote:
Originally Posted by pipo11 View Post
Reading that you had a similar experience validates my own experience. Now I realize that I will need to lower my social expectations about the city.

I also realize that eventually I will leave the city no matter how well economically I can be doing here since it doesn't make sense to live alone in such aloof and taciturn place.
I think that perhaps you are being too focused on what types of people you want as friends. And maybe you should not act so Latino or gay. Just relax and just be an average human being... don't advertise your sexual preference or that you are Latino.

And also be more open-minded about who you would consider making a friend with. Don't just focus on attractive (single) (gay) men.

One of my best friends is gay. Everyone loves his company. He has friends of all ages and both sexes. Most of them were met through work. I'd say that the majority of his friends are straight. He has a great sense of humour, tells a good story and is also a good listener. He's just all around good company and with no personal agenda (he doesn't have some constant goal of trying to hookup with men).
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,404 posts, read 7,260,273 times
Reputation: 3037
Quote:
Originally Posted by jewban View Post
I had a similar experience moving here five years ago but getting involved with groups at school helped. The culture and pace of life is definitely much different here than in South Florida. The better question is what type of people are you trying to meet? Friends to hang out at the bar with or friends do community service with? I'm not accusing anyone of being racist but I agree being Latino Boston people do judge you/view you differently than in South Florida (I'm both Latino & Jewish). Have you tried meetup.com?

I'm also Hispanic and Jewish. I'm originally from the Boston area and I also lived in South Florida for 5 years. My time spent in South Florida was the first and last time I have not felt like a "minority". Moving to Miami actually made me realize that I was treated differently in Boston. People, including teachers always said things like "You're exotic" or "So where are you parents from?". In Miami, people just spoke to me in Spanish and maybe gave me the cold shoulder if I responded in English.

In the winter, I can pass for Italian/Jewish which helps. I'm not accusing anyone of being racist but I think some of the people down here who are originally from the outer suburbs of MA, NH, VT, ME, & CT aren't as friendly with me as people who are actually from Boston, NJ, or NY. Stick with people who come from those areas or Cambridge.

Besides the whole cultural differences thing, it just is harder to forge new relationships here compared to in Miami. I have not made one new friend since I have moved back here. Luckily, I still have a lot of old childhood friends in the area.
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Old 10-20-2013, 07:44 PM
 
11 posts, read 14,535 times
Reputation: 25
Boston is a college town, and I think most people there have a group of friends they made at school. I can see where someone moving on their own could have trouble making friends. I would suggest making an effort at work, or getting involved in some sort of activity, like a sports team.

I have lived in a couple other cities, and I have to say Boston's gay community is very pretentious and stuffy. So it's probably not you...

Hopefully things will get better for you.
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