Do you find Bostonians to be friendly-or cold people? (living in, bars)

[jonny_quest]

I visited Boston a few months ago, and I think too many people get the idea in their heads that Bostonians are cold and unfriendly, thus when they finally get there, that's what they start to perceive. I failed to meet anyone fitting this stereotype, although I'm sure some do - there's allot of people in Boston. Generally, everyone I met was friendly and helpful, some even more than happy to shoot the ****, whether at a bar or whatever. While I generally had to initiate conversation, things went smoothly and no one appeared to put on that B.S. fake-nice attitude, which was very refreshing.

[SabriItaly]

Originally Posted by Martha Anne

Re:
He said that Italians are actually the coldest people in Europe. They do not, as a rule, extend the amount of personal sacrifice, money and help to people in need in other countries than do the so-called "cold" Germans and the Irish. They are not as willing to make you feel at home when you go to their homes as a guest. They expect you to conform to their family ways, to act real nice and careful about yourself. He told me this. This is not what I said, it is what he said, many a time. He told me that when my Irish American relatives invited him to dinner, they fell over themselves to make sure he was getting treated well, got a meal HE liked, that HE was comfortable, etc. He said that the Italians do just the opposite. They are less acomodating, he said. You are supposed to get all excited about the great meal they have served you, whereas, he said, the Irish Americans are so worried that maybe the meal is not good enough, etc. He said that the Irish Americans are more humble when you visit, and the Italians expect you to be grateful. He said the Irish act so lucky to have you as a guest and the Italians expect the guest to be the one to feel lucky!

The Irish live in the North, the Italians, who are supposed to be all warm because of their family closeness, are supposed to be warm, live in the warm climate. I have found that Italians, whether they are in Italy (which I visited when I went to see him), or in America, still have this tendency to be closed. They build a "fort" around themselves. I think it has to do with the multi-state history, up to only 100 years ago, in Italy, where outsiders could not be trusted. I actually love so many things about Italian culture, but I do not consider them to be so warm.

So, it depends upon what one means by "cold" New Englanders.

I see this is a message posted in August, but I have to say something about it, because your friend is completely wrong. He could have had a bad experience with some Italians (or maybe his opion is based on the one people have in Holland about Italy) but you cannot defintely say that Italians are the coldest people in Europe, it's exactly the opposite. First of all, there is a wide difference between people from the North and people from the South of Italy, so different that it could be two different countries, but some things are common. Of course I'm Italian, and I have friends throughout Europe. I can assure you that most friendly people in Europe are the French (even though they don't like people who talk to them other languages than French), the Spanish and, of course, the Italians. I'm not saying that Italians are perfect, because lots of things don't work here, but you can't criticize how we relate to people. People who make you feel not at home, that expect you not to talk to them, not to look at them in the eyes are people from the very Netherlands and neighbourhoods, especially Germany. It is not completely related to climate, because in Northern countries, such as Lithuania or Sweden, people are more friendly than in the Netherlands and Germany. The question is that people in that area, especially in Germany, but also in the Netherlands, think that they are better than the Italians (and all the Mediterranean countries) becuase of culture and different lifestyle we have. They think we are rude because we are warm people (maybe too much), we talk friendly to people we don't know, we tend to build groups to hang out with people we don't know, because we like to stay together, the more the better, we provide accomodation to friends from abroad with huge enthusiasms, and we also have a huge flirting game, which is part of our culture. I can imagine that it sounds strange, or maybe rude, to people who are not used at this kind of relationship with people, but they have to stop saying bad things about Italy, because the respect of other cultures is the first step toward the utopian peace...

In conclusion, I think everyone has to travel a lot, live in different places and then we will talk again of the concept of "cold"

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by Tim Rankin

Any time you look at a group of Irish-Americans, or a Hungarian-Americans, or a Vietnamese-Americans...and compare them to populations where they came from...you must take into account why that group of immigrants came to the US.

Groups emigrate for different reasons. Sometimes they want to, sometimes they have to. It may be the creme-de-la-creme that "had" to leave because of a communist takeover. They may be economic or environmental refugees, because of the unavailability of work or a natrual disaster. There may be only one, or there may be several, migrations to the US.

Those factors influence the demographics and social standing of the group, and also how they compare to the "people back home."

I can kick you the history of how the Irish came about in New England, if you like, but that's not my point. There are more Irish living outside of Ireland then those Irish who live in Ireland. Around the world they are just Irish, nothing more, nothing less. In America, though, the Irish have been elevated to some kinda cool, and take their Irish ancestary- no matter how many generations deep they are in America as some sort of badge of honor. The funny thing is that it is the rest of America who made it so. If you started punching some one in the face in Ireland-people would think that you were out of hand. In America, it is almost expected. "Oh don't mind that guy punching you in the face. He's just drunk, and Irish." "Oh ok, just tell him not to break my nose."

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Bostonians might be slow to warm up but they can be lifetime friends. I lived in the area during gradeschool, I am still in contact with them via the internet and phone. I could show up on their doorstep tomorrow and they would give me a place to stay.

I attended high school in Texas and the same is not true of them.

[Martha Anne]

Originally Posted by SabriItaly

I see this is a message posted in August, but I have to say something about it, because your friend is completely wrong. He could have had a bad experience with some Italians (or maybe his opion is based on the one people have in Holland about Italy) but you cannot defintely say that Italians are the coldest people in Europe, it's exactly the opposite. First of all, there is a wide difference between people from the North and people from the South of Italy, so different that it could be two different countries, but some things are common. Of course I'm Italian, and I have friends throughout Europe. I can assure you that most friendly people in Europe are the French (even though they don't like people who talk to them other languages than French), the Spanish and, of course, the Italians. I'm not saying that Italians are perfect, because lots of things don't work here, but you can't criticize how we relate to people. People who make you feel not at home, that expect you not to talk to them, not to look at them in the eyes are people from the very Netherlands and neighbourhoods, especially Germany. It is not completely related to climate, because in Northern countries, such as Lithuania or Sweden, people are more friendly than in the Netherlands and Germany. The question is that people in that area, especially in Germany, but also in the Netherlands, think that they are better than the Italians (and all the Mediterranean countries) becuase of culture and different lifestyle we have. They think we are rude because we are warm people (maybe too much), we talk friendly to people we don't know, we tend to build groups to hang out with people we don't know, because we like to stay together, the more the better, we provide accomodation to friends from abroad with huge enthusiasms, and we also have a huge flirting game, which is part of our culture. I can imagine that it sounds strange, or maybe rude, to people who are not used at this kind of relationship with people, but they have to stop saying bad things about Italy, because the respect of other cultures is the first step toward the utopian peace...

In conclusion, I think everyone has to travel a lot, live in different places and then we will talk again of the concept of "cold"

First, let me say that I am sorry because I know I was kind of tactless (which is a word for "not sensitive" to your feelings) but I never forgot what he told me. He is from Sardinia, which of course, in Italy is Sardegna, and he is a professor in Milano (which I visited - I absolutley loved what little I saw in Italy, which was only for a month and was in the North due to money constraints - I stayed at his apartment.)

I want you to know that I feel that you come from a great, great culture, one with so much richness and you are very lucky to be an Italian. But, you know what? I am afraid of Italians in some ways: I feel that there is this ability to hurt and I don't want to be hurt.

I tried to teach myself Italian after we broke up out of memory for him, a wonderful, kind, honest human being if there ever was one. Io a impara l'Italiano con nelle cassette and nelle libri ma e dificile per me perque Io e una Americana Irlandese. I know this is wrong but it is my honest effort LOL!

OK, here is the deal: He did what I find so many Italians would do: Here we had gone out for 6 years (in America) and my father died. My Sardinian boyfriend, who was living with me and with me when I learned my father had died, would not go to the wake or funeral of my father, in another state, because he and I knew we would eventually break up and he feared it would give the impression that we were going to marry, or something like that. He never said it outright, but I know it is true. He was, however, someone who was as sweet as you could imagine, but he did not get it that it was cruel not to come to my father's wake and funeral. He just followed that old Italian rule to keep away from meeting my family if he was not going to marry me, and when I went to Italy after us being together 8 years he told me not to answer the phone if his father, who was in Sardinia, called the apartment. He didn't want his family to know I was there. Yet he otherwise was an angel. But it was the Italian way: It hurt, too!

I had another Italian American boyfriend, when I was in college, and he took me to have dinner with his immigrant parents (from Naples area) and the older brothers glared at me the whole time because I was not Italian and they didn't want him to have an Irish girlfriend. I was so hurt.

[Mark_CT]

Lots of people in CT dislike Bostonians for their obnoxiousness towards us; we're not "real" New Englanders, CT is too much "like NY." That apparently excuses their behavior.

[willdufauve]

How very true.

[DreamworksSKG]

Boston is a melting pot and you get a variety of people
I haven't had a problem with too many people I meet
except a few, and usually that's in my car (cah) or on the subway.
Most of the time people are friendly. I know bostonians are always friendly enough to help tourists out who need help with directions walking around the city. I help tourists all the time when they need help finding a tourist attraction or what not.

- Jeff
Winchester, MA

I'm tired of people labeling us as rude people
I'm only rude when i drive.

[Ciao9999]

New Englanders and Bostonians are cold.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I think the reason my perception is different is because I have a Boston accent, at least when I am around people from Boston, it comes back. They see me as a local and treat me that way.