How long does it take to break into the scene?? (Boston: transplants, sale) - City-Data Forum

im2005 · 01-06-2007, 09:32 PM

So I've been in Boston for going on two years and I have been miserable the entire time. When I was talking about moving here, everyone warned me that it was a tough town to break into (everyone kept using the same words to describe Boston: insular and provincial) but I thought I could tackle it. After all, I've lived in three other major cities well as in the several regions of the US. Boy has it been tough though...

I feel like everyone I meet here grew up here and has their entire family and all of their lifelong friends in the area...most don't understand what it's like to be the new person in town and it doesn't occur to them to bring you into their tight-knit circles. I'm sure they are your friend for life once you're finally accepted, but can any other transplants offer me advice on HOW LONG it took for them to break in? At this point I think I'd probably fall over if someone from work or one of my neighbors did so much as invite me over for a BBQ.

I've heard some people say it took them ten years, and some say that they've never managed it. Should I just cut my losses and leave?

Mike from back east · 01-06-2007, 09:56 PM

sounds like one of those spoof letters the Yalie's used to send Ann Landers describing some outrageous situation...

Ironic.... there are posts, in VA and other southern states, where northerners complain the good 'ol boys shun them as newcomers and won't teach them the secret handshake or share their 'shine....

s/Mike

PS: Cut your losses and come to Denver.

im2005 · 01-06-2007, 10:22 PM

I wish it was a spoof...unfortunately it's my life in the Hub.

smarty · 01-07-2007, 06:18 AM

If you are a quiet and reserve person, it will take you forever to break into the scene (not sure what scene you are talking about)

If you live in the suburb, you better have family or kids. That is where most of the action is. Else, live in the city.

When was the last time you invited someone to your house? Do you have a swimming pool? Truck? Free food and drinks? If you do, I'm your friend.

Hatless Wonder · 01-07-2007, 07:20 PM

I've lived here for 6 years, and I'm in the same predicament. I grew up an hour away, but that makes me an outsider to the life-long Bostonians. Everyone I know (including my husband), I've met through my job.

im2005 · 01-08-2007, 08:02 PM

It's a nice city, but I think it's a tough place for transplants no matter what your scene is. I happen to be a single professional in my 20s and I live in the city but I know a married couple in their 40s and a single woman in her 40s who have had similar experiences here in the suburbs.

From what I hear once you're accepted in Boston you're golden. These are very tight-knit communities and who wouldn't want to be a part of that? But until you become Boston-ified you really don't stand a chance of being accepted.

smarty · 01-08-2007, 11:16 PM

Most of what you say is probably true. Just remember there are thousands of you in the city. You can choose to be stuck in your apartment or go do something about it. Why not invite people from work for poker night or go do something as a start? Be on the aggressive side and invite someone instead of waiting for someone to invite you.

It sounds like one of the problem is you do not drink!!

People who drink and smoke are usually much friendlier. How often would you walk up to a stranger and ask if they have a piece of gum? Smokers on the other hand will walk up to a total stranger and ask for a cigarette.

Do you have any interest outside of work? Museum? There are plenty of programs at night. If not, take a cooking class at night. Join a bike or running club. Go do some volunteer work. There are so much to do. Why even think about being invited or not?

Please understand people with kids eat at 6pm (when you're probably still at work) not 8pm. They still have to feed and bath their kids before going to bed. They will not likely invite you into their family.

I lost all my single friends when married and have kids. But gain married ones with kids.

im2005 · 01-09-2007, 05:45 AM

Of course I drink. I'm a pretty sociable person. And I have joined several clubs since moving here, taken a couple of cooking classes, and done just about everything I can do. I have made a couple of friends and lost a couple of friends who've moved - this is part of life. My point is I miss my friendly peeps elsewhere!

smarty · 01-09-2007, 06:27 AM

Here's something to do with your friends. Cheers

The Winter Jubilee this year is Jan. 27th, 2007, and showcase some of the best brewers of big beers in the world. Brewers like Dogfish Head, Berkshire Brewing Co., Boston Beer Co., Left Hand, Geary's, Vanberg & DeWulf, Boulder Beer ,Brooklyn, Affligem, Paulaner, Moretti, Chimay, Smuttynose, Cisco, Mendocino, Spaten, The Tap, Opa Opa, Mercury, Stone, & Paper City Brewers are the corenerstone if events like these!

The Boston Winter Jubilee is the only show if it’s kind in Boston. Beers served at this event are big beers (7% ABV or higher). See you there!

Tickets are on sale now for $30.
[url]http://beersummit.com/customer/home.php?cat=250[url]

lorilou · 01-09-2007, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by im2005

So I've been in Boston for going on two years and I have been miserable the entire time. When I was talking about moving here, everyone warned me that it was a tough town to break into (everyone kept using the same words to describe Boston: insular and provincial) but I thought I could tackle it. After all, I've lived in three other major cities well as in the several regions of the US. Boy has it been tough though...

I feel like everyone I meet here grew up here and has their entire family and all of their lifelong friends in the area...most don't understand what it's like to be the new person in town and it doesn't occur to them to bring you into their tight-knit circles. I'm sure they are your friend for life once you're finally accepted, but can any other transplants offer me advice on HOW LONG it took for them to break in? At this point I think I'd probably fall over if someone from work or one of my neighbors did so much as invite me over for a BBQ.

I've heard some people say it took them ten years, and some say that they've never managed it. Should I just cut my losses and leave?

IM2005, have you tried any newcomers groups? We are relocating to MA in late Feb, and I have many of the same concerns...your post depresses me! I've been told by locals that newcomers groups are a good way to make new acquaintances, because these people are in the same situation, looking to make connections and friendships and stave off the winter. I wish you luck, I wish myself luck! If, when we get there, you still haven't found a circle, you can come out to the suburbs for poker and margaritas! Fun is a must. Good luck! Lorilou