How Unfriendly?? (Boston: fit in, transplants, university)

[AandD]

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

Not everyone here thinks it means chatting with everyone you come in contact with.

Which would be my point in that it's the NATIVES saying "we're not unfriendly". What I tried to convey, obviously poorly, in my post is that friendliness is all about personal perspective.

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

Not to stereotype back, but a woman in my office (who is a fairly recent transplant from Georgia) has asked me personal questions that I considered intrusive and borderline offensive. All under the guise of "being chatty".

Of course you're stereotyping, but that's what this thread was about, correct? Just as others say the NE is unfriendly, you say southerners are too intrusive. I know it's not true of me, if for no other reason than I'm much too self-absorbed to care about others personal lives. But, what good are stereotypes if you can't have fun with them?

(By the way, my post is written somewhat toungue-in-cheek. I know you stuffy New Englander's won't get that, so I'm tellin' ya right up-front like.)

[lrfox]

I think a lot on here gets lost in translation. It's hard to pick up on tongue-in-cheek when it's used in text form. You don't have facial expressions and general body language to pick up on and catch a hint.

AandD is right, it's perspective. I've met a good number of "stuffy" New Englanders, but they're still in the minority. I've met more that have a very dry/ sarcastic sense of humor as opposed to the more bubbly, open humor you tend to run into elsewhere. I've been told I'm a "jerk" (in much less PG terminology) for things I've said completely in jest outside of New England. It's mostly because they didn't understand I was being entirely sarcastic. It's easy to misinterpret sarcasm and dry humor as rudeness or hostility.

I do, however, agree with the notion that lower level service people can be quite guarded and even rude. One of my best friends is an electrician. He works with a guy who won't say a single word to him unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, nor does he say anything to customers beyond the absolute mandatory. They don't dislike each other, they haven't had a problem with each other, they just don't talk. My friend says that many customers get frustrated with this guy (and rightfully so). I don't get it either, but there are many people like this in Massachusetts. I wish I could say it's because they're so focused on the quality of their work, but that's often not the case.

I do think the the OP of this thread will find Boston very similar to a smaller version of London in both appearance and the way people operate. And AandD, I think you'll find that once the weather warms up, and people are outdoors, it'll be a bit less "stuffy." Summer brings out the best in people here.

[BubbyBu]

It's really not a big deal either way...

There are plenty of friendly people in Boston and there are also some unfriendly. If you are from the UK you can try and make friends with Americans or find a circle of British compatriots but there isn't any sort of natural impediment to finding great people and getting to know them. The city has an abundance of them.

The active winters and urban living can make people more reserved though. If you approach residents in a sort of disingenuous overly friendly manner they may be thrown off by that. No different from New York or any other highly dense city.

Also most people in Boston you'll learn are not actually from Boston. Though I am...

If you ever meet someone who says they are from Boston they are probably lying and are from a Massachusetts suburb.

[Cantabridgienne]

Can't hear you AanD, I am being a good New England neighbor and have my good fence up!

[AandD]

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

Can't hear you AanD, I am being a good New England neighbor and have my good fence up!

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Love it.

lrfox - I'm perfectly content here. There really hasn't been anything to make me second guess my decision to move, although my first trip to the grocery store was pretty darn close! If someone is unfriendly or habitually grouchy, I just view it as their personality defect - and move on to the next unwitting victim that accidentally invites 10 minutes of conversation from me by smiling in my general direction.

The bottom line is, you just can't let other people's attitude's affect you. I'm a naturally happy, outgoing person and most people generally respond to me (even if that response is throwing up their hands and avoiding me at all costs). Although if I met, Canta I'd pester him or her about their personal life just to needle 'em. I kid, I kid!

[lrfox]

Originally Posted by AandD

The bottom line is, you just can't let other people's attitude's affect you.

And this is key to successfully surviving anywhere. When you move anywhere, you're going to find people that you enjoy being around and those you don't enjoy being around. Boston (and Massachusetts) is no different.

Control what you can, but know when to give up. If you can let rudeness roll of your shoulders and you have the ability to differentiate between the friendly and the rude and not let a few bad experiences (or a few good experiences) to set a generalization of a region, then you can live anywhere.

[clevedark]

Here's a trick that I use up here--when someone tells me they grew up here I back off. If someone tells me they moved here as an adult, I proceed as normal. In the end it's all the same thing, people are people, but I've found this approach has produced less stress and frustration for me.

This has nothing to do with the individual, but just the way people get to know each other up here--very very sloooowly. However, once a friend always a friend. Friendships don't require much effort past the initial hump.

[ogre]

Agreed on AandD's point about situation-dependent degrees of friendliness. I think this is probably what Lrfox was getting at too, with the example of the difference between those going about their business and people relaxing during their free time. Agreed that you'll encounter all kinds of individuals here. As for Bostonians' general tone, "reserved" might be a more accurate description than "unfriendly."

[Brit2009]

Wow thanks everyone for your advice, I'm loving the time difference in this forum! I think I'd cope just fine in Boston, afterall, reserved is what us Brits do best! I can cope happily with reservation, just not rudeness!

Hope fully I will mix in many different circles as I will also be studying whilst there and will no doubt take an interest in a few clubs and societies. Anyway, if I find everyone down right rude I'll just come looking for you guys.

Joking. ;-)

[HeadedWest]

Originally Posted by lrfox

I've been told I'm a "jerk" (in much less PG terminology) for things I've said completely in jest outside of New England. It's mostly because they didn't understand I was being entirely sarcastic.

Quite possibly they think you're a jerk because you are sarcastic.

The demand for sarcasm is pretty small.