How Unfriendly?? (Boston, Arlington, Sharon: middle-class, 2009, apartments)

[holden125]

Originally Posted by HeadedWest

Quite possibly they think you're a jerk because you are sarcastic.

The demand for sarcasm is pretty small.

Not around here.

[lrfox]

Originally Posted by HeadedWest

Quite possibly they think you're a jerk because you are sarcastic.

The demand for sarcasm is pretty small.

Possible, but unlikely. It's usually just completely misinterpreted. Many times it's at my own expense and they just think I'm nuts. It's sarcasm in a light way, not sarcasm in an obnoxious way, and rarely ever are any of the people I'm talking to (unless it's a close friend) the subject of my sarcasm.

I know what you're thinking and I'm not one of the types who has a sarcastic, snippy response for everything. I hate those people. Usually, they're being serious and mildly cloaking it as "sarcasm."
Here's an example of sarcasm I wouldn't ever use because it's obnoxious and not funny:
wife: "Steve, can you take the garbage out?"
husband: "yeah, like THAT will ever happen."

I have a dry sense of humor which involves sarcasm, making light of tough situations, and sometimes making a joke at my expense (usually to lighten a tense or awkward moment). Many people up here have the same thing going for them. It seems that while some outside New England appreciate this, many more prefer a light, in your face obvious humor. I prefer the darker humor that many share in these parts.

Prime example. My brother had Leukemia at a young age... he was high risk and thankfully survived. One of his favorite Tee Shirts says, "We Be 'illin'" on the front and, "Sacred Heart Children's Hospital" along the back. There are many places where that shirt would earn him some seriously angry stares. Around here, people tend to laugh. He doesn't care and he spend 90% of his childhood in a hospital. He jokes about it constantly.

[1979]

To be honest, I'll take a native Bostonian any day over a transplant. Natives are very "matter of fact", and tell it like it is without the sugar-coat; the benefit to this is less phoney people. I think (native) Bostonians are the most sophisticated people in the country. It's the transplants that in some cases are trying to bring it backward I'm more worried about.

[HeadedWest]

Originally Posted by 1979

To be honest, I'll take a native Bostonian any day over a transplant.

That's an interesting way of saying "Welcome to Boston"!

[clevedark]

It's a defensive play.

[holden125]

Originally Posted by 1979

To be honest, I'll take a native Bostonian any day over a transplant. Natives are very "matter of fact", and tell it like it is without the sugar-coat; the benefit to this is less phoney people. I think (native) Bostonians are the most sophisticated people in the country. It's the transplants that in some cases are trying to bring it backward I'm more worried about.

I, Causticus - Boston Magazine

This article addresses that issue; although I don't go out of my way to be impolite to anyone I find myself generally agreeing with it.

[EnjoyTheSilence]

I'm another former Brit (dual nationality) planning to move to Boston / Mass. We're actually visiting in a few weeks to check the city out thoroughly. Honestly, I don't care if people aren't that friendly, or a little standoffish. As long as they don't intentionally try to with me for no reason (as they do here in Miami), I'll be good. Aside from that, I have never been fond of the "have a nice day" fakeness anyway and would rather live in a place where people are more reserved and not so friggin' opinionated and loud.

[jayrandom]

I think it says a lot when anyone who is outwardly pleasant towards others is considered fake. As hard as it may be to believe, not everyone if filled with rage towards their fellow humans, even in a relatively dense city like Boston.

There are three things that tend to get lumped in to one. The first is reserve or outward friendliness. Boston is definitely reserved, meaning that people will leave you alone and won't make friends with everyone they meet. Other parts of the country are much more outgoing and will be much involved in everyone's business. When someone says "Bostonians are unfriendly" or even sometimes when they say "Bostonians are rude" it’s because the person saying it is from somewhere where everyone is much more outgoing and not doing so is considered rude. For others being overly nosy is rude.

The next thing is genuine rudeness, which is also present in Boston but separate from being reserved. This includes things like honking at slow old ladies in a crosswalk or shoving to get on a crowded Red Line train before everyone has had a chance to get out. When someone says "Bostonians are rude" this is sometimes what they are referring to. The explanation, "no, they are just resesrved" doesn't explain or forgive this behavior. I think it might have something to do with transportation, because I usually only witness this stuff while driving or taking the subway. Most natives I've met fit the reserved description but aren’t rude. I hope you don't have to be actively rude to fit in.

The third thing is outward demeanor towards strangers. Some people smile and say "have a nice day" because that’s what they were taught growing up or they would like others to do the same for them. Even my reserved neighbors say hi to me when I see them in the street. It is a form of social pleasantness that grates on some people around here. I wouldn’t call it phony. Even if some people secretly want you to go away when they smile at you, there are at least as many who are genuinely friendly. Truly phony behavior—like telling people you like them when you really hate them--requires the intent to deceive. I don’t think most people invest the effort to deceive strangers they will probably never see again and most smiling, friendly people are nothing more than smiling, friendly people.

[nomore07]

Originally Posted by jayrandom

I think it says a lot when anyone who is outwardly pleasant towards others is considered fake. As hard as it may be to believe, not everyone if filled with rage towards their fellow humans, even in a relatively dense city like Boston.

There are three things that tend to get lumped in to one. The first is reserve or outward friendliness. Boston is definitely reserved, meaning that people will leave you alone and won't make friends with everyone they meet. Other parts of the country are much more outgoing and will be much involved in everyone's business. When someone says "Bostonians are unfriendly" or even sometimes when they say "Bostonians are rude" it’s because the person saying it is from somewhere where everyone is much more outgoing and not doing so is considered rude. For others being overly nosy is rude.

The next thing is genuine rudeness, which is also present in Boston but separate from being reserved. This includes things like honking at slow old ladies in a crosswalk or shoving to get on a crowded Red Line train before everyone has had a chance to get out. When someone says "Bostonians are rude" this is sometimes what they are referring to. The explanation, "no, they are just resesrved" doesn't explain or forgive this behavior. I think it might have something to do with transportation, because I usually only witness this stuff while driving or taking the subway. Most natives I've met fit the reserved description but aren’t rude. I hope you don't have to be actively rude to fit in.

The third thing is outward demeanor towards strangers. Some people smile and say "have a nice day" because that’s what they were taught growing up or they would like others to do the same for them. Even my reserved neighbors say hi to me when I see them in the street. It is a form of social pleasantness that grates on some people around here. I wouldn’t call it phony. Even if some people secretly want you to go away when they smile at you, there are at least as many who are genuinely friendly. Truly phony behavior—like telling people you like them when you really hate them--requires the intent to deceive. I don’t think most people invest the effort to deceive strangers they will probably never see again and most smiling, friendly people are nothing more than smiling, friendly people.

Very well stated

[theSUBlime]

Originally Posted by jayrandom

I think it says a lot when anyone who is outwardly pleasant towards others is considered fake. As hard as it may be to believe, not everyone if filled with rage towards their fellow humans, even in a relatively dense city like Boston.

There are three things that tend to get lumped in to one. The first is reserve or outward friendliness. Boston is definitely reserved, meaning that people will leave you alone and won't make friends with everyone they meet. Other parts of the country are much more outgoing and will be much involved in everyone's business. When someone says "Bostonians are unfriendly" or even sometimes when they say "Bostonians are rude" it’s because the person saying it is from somewhere where everyone is much more outgoing and not doing so is considered rude. For others being overly nosy is rude.

The next thing is genuine rudeness, which is also present in Boston but separate from being reserved. This includes things like honking at slow old ladies in a crosswalk or shoving to get on a crowded Red Line train before everyone has had a chance to get out. When someone says "Bostonians are rude" this is sometimes what they are referring to. The explanation, "no, they are just resesrved" doesn't explain or forgive this behavior. I think it might have something to do with transportation, because I usually only witness this stuff while driving or taking the subway. Most natives I've met fit the reserved description but aren’t rude. I hope you don't have to be actively rude to fit in.

The third thing is outward demeanor towards strangers. Some people smile and say "have a nice day" because that’s what they were taught growing up or they would like others to do the same for them. Even my reserved neighbors say hi to me when I see them in the street. It is a form of social pleasantness that grates on some people around here. I wouldn’t call it phony. Even if some people secretly want you to go away when they smile at you, there are at least as many who are genuinely friendly. Truly phony behavior—like telling people you like them when you really hate them--requires the intent to deceive. I don’t think most people invest the effort to deceive strangers they will probably never see again and most smiling, friendly people are nothing more than smiling, friendly people.

Excellent post. I like Boston, but it's true--kindness is mistaken for weakness here in my personal experience outside of the university.