Help Me Like Boston (Cambridge, Somerville: fit in, transplants, condo)

[dave1970]

I have to say, after two years of living here, I'm having a hard time finding things I like about it. On paper, Boston definitely seems to have it all, but it seems to be rankings and statistics that mean little to my experience. But, sometimes, you move to a place, and things don't work out at first, but later they do, and maybe I'm in that situation. Maybe I just haven't discovered the right places. Here are some of my interests / likes / dislikes. Any advice appreciated:

- Fashion, trends
- International travel
- Shopping
- Classical music, jazz
- Dance music / clubbing
- Health / consciousness exploration
- Current events
- Outdoor recreation
- Dislike team sports (spectator and pleaying team sports)
- Not a fan of rock music
- Not religious, don't follow any traditions closely

I've lived in many different countries and cities. In North America, I've lived in Los Angeles, Kansas City, Montreal, Toronto, and Washington DC. I like LA, Toronto, and Montreal the most, Boston the least. Some random thoughts on Boston: People generally find it strange that a man would like fashion. The available clothes shopping is generic. The city culture isn't very international, and people don't travel/live internationally much. The quality of the Boston orchestra is excellent, but their repertoire is relatively boring, and the audience is not very dynamic. I figured there would be loads of bar hopping around Berklee and cutting-edge live jazz, but there is only one club nearby. It's a good jazz club, but it's the only one. The dance clubs in Boston are laughable. Yoga seems to be seen as yuppy-ish or hippy-ish--in a negative way. I think maybe because Boston is very medical-focused, the culture generally resists such ideas.

Beacon Hill is lovely, and so is Charlestown. but, the rest of Boston seems to have been built with zero regard to design and beauty. People here say it's because Boston is old, but that makes no sense, because there are plenty of much older cities elsewhere that have solved design problems. I don't see Boston as very old, in the grand scheme of things; it's just poorly managed.

Finally, I find that Boston culture is very focused on age and life-stage. In order words, you're expected to act a certain way if you're in a certain age group. People here sometimes think I'm 10-15 years younger than I am (which is fine), but they treat me like a "younger person" and give me less respect. It's a cultural issue at work, but also when I go out to restaurants, buy services for my home, etc. I'm a cool guy, I'm 40, I have a girlfriend, I own a condo, make a good living. I just don't get Boston. It seems like one of the most deeply conservative cities I've ever lived in.

Or---am I just not going to the right places?

Thanks!
Dave

[rranger]

"Help me like Boston" ... Sorry, no can do. As I read this dreck, I thought it was being written by a 20 year old. Imagine my shock when you revealed that you're 40!

Peace comes from the kind of inner work that makes one realize it really doesn't matter how others expect you to act (not that I'm agreeing with you in the least about the way Boston is, BTW).

Maybe the right place is Toronto, Montreal, or KC. But, I doubt it, 'cause as the old adage goes "wherever you go, there you are". You can run, but you can't hide from yourself, and 50 is just around the corner.

Best.

[Cantabridgienne]

You are 40 and restaurants treat you differently because they think you are 25? What exactly do you mean by that?It's funny how the majority of people claim everyone else thinks they look younger than they are? Hm, why is that?

[Cantabridgienne]

Maybe this city just isn't a good match for you/your interests. I don't think there are many people who consider Boston the mecca for clubbing or considerably fashion-forward. Conversley, it does have a strong emphasis on team sports and a good indie rock scene. If your interests don't match up, it makes sense that you would start to find fault with a lot of other aspects of living here as well (like your comment about people not travelling internationally and the yoga and the medical industry correlation.....uh, what?)

You could attribute some of your dissatisfaction to where you live/play and the people you surround yourself with, but it could also just be a question of a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.

[dave1970]

I was reading the 'Bostonian in San Diego' thread. I feel the same way, but in reverse. I actually like San Diego.

Rranger, I appreciate your response. I don't agree with you, and (I don't mean this in a mean way) I think your response if very 'Boston'. "This is the way things are done, and that's how we do them" is the mentality. It's also a 'local' mentality, which isn't bad, but people here don't move around much, and they sometimes see people who do move a lot in a negative way.

The restaurant thing--- I don't have a Boston-type businessman haircut, nor do I wear clothes that look 'local'. Either I get GREAT service from people who see that I'm not from around here and like chatting. Or (in some parts of the city), because of my look, people think I'm not well heeled or don't have the money to pay or something like that. It's funny, because I will be seen as well-heeled in London or Zurich or... Boston has a very particular look (for men, especially), and either you wear it or you don't.

Cantabridgienne, I think I agree with you most. It is silly to think I will love every city I live in. Cities and cultures vary very widely, and some people are going to like some more than others. The thing about Boston is just that it surprised me. I want to make sure I'm enjoying everything I can. It is interesting though that my comments about jazz, classical and dance clubs and fashion seem to be in-line with general opinion (on this board and elsewhere).

Any specific advice on places? For example, here's one: I have trouble finding places to sit outside (in a pretty place), people watch, and drink (alcohol, that is) on a summer afternoon. Even at 4pm on a summer's day, most places seem to want me to eat a full meal, like places on Newbury street. I mean, I have to be wrong. There have got to be sidewalk cafes and gardens where someone can just drink. The markup on alcohol is usually way more than food, so it would make sense for restaurants to allow just drinking.

[shiver]

It's true that a city may not be right for you no matter how good it looks on paper. It happens.

In regards to your likes/dislikes; Boston has never been on the cutting edge of fashion or clubbing. You have the designer stores on Newbury and Copley, but you won't get that NYC or LA experience. Boston is also more of a pub/lounge nightlife spot. The clubs tend to cater to the international student crowd.

For jazz clubs, have you been to Ryles in Cambridge or Scullers (yes, it's in the Doubletree Hotel, but it's pretty well regarded). It sounds like you've been to Wally's. Check out the Berklee events calendar -they have some good shows in their performance hall.

For orchestras - have you gone to the Pops? It may be a little more interesting than the BSO. I saw John Williams conducting the Pops for film week 2 years ago where they played a number of Williams' film scores. Not something you can see everywhere.

I went to the Boston Wine Expo at the World Trade Center a few weeks ago and thought that was pretty fun with an eclectic mix of people.

I find that people here are pretty well-traveled since you have some many transplants and international types. Dunno. Pick up an Improper Bostonian or Stuff at Night and check out some new events.

[Cantabridgienne]

There are plenty of places to just drink: bars and cafes. If you are going to sit in a table at a restaurant, yes, they will generally want you to order food. It may be 4 o'clock when you get there, but what happens when it's 6 and you're still there nursing a drink? I'm not saying this is what happens, but how is a restaurant supposed to know this?

What kind of places do you usually go to? Do you tend to stick to one neighborhood? Have you ventured off the beaten path at all? The idea that you think Boston is just about "businessmen" makes me think you haven't. Either that, or I've just lived in Cambridge too long. Sorry, but that's just not my reality at all. You seem to be painting people of this area with an awful broad stroke. Maybe if you venture out a bit, you'd see that not everyone is alike.

[Cantabridgienne]

I'm pretty sure there's a city ordinance that says you need to order food if you're going to drink outside. I'm with you on this one; the lack of places to drink outside are few and far between. For whatever reason, Boston is loathe to approve restaurants to have sidewalk seating.

Also, remember that Boston is not an especially late-night town. I also think 6 is pretty early for dinner, but it's certainly not early-bird special territory for a city in which the majority of restaurants close by 11.

It's easy to say "well, I can do _______ in _______, why can't I do that here!". But that's rarely helpful. I can go to Barcelona and complain how it sucks that I can't get a great lobster roll all I want but a.) I still won't get that lobster roll and b.) I'll miss out on what IS great about Barcelona. Stop working against yourself.

I don't know if my suggestions are good for you since we appear to have different tastes, but here are things to consider:


-Take the Blue Line to Maverick Square for some great Salvadoran food, or to the Airport station for pizza at the classic Santiarpios. If you do that and still think Boston is all buttoned-up businessmen...

-If you are left-leaning, go to a meetup of a group like Drinking Liberally

-Go kayaking on the Charles River

-When it gets warmer, take the ferry to the Harbor Islands for a picnic. Amazing retreat just a short boatride from downtown!

-Go to a place like Drink or Eastern Standard or Green Street or Craigie on Main and let the bartenders there give you an education on the art of craft cocktails

-Check out some of the ethnic neighborhoods in town, beyond Chinatown and the north End: Little Portugal in East Cambridge, Brazilian in East Somerville, Eastern European in South Boston, Vietnemese in Dorchester.

-Get in with the fashion scene. Just because it's small doesn't mean it's not there. Find out about boutique launches and sample sales, go to product launch parties.

[lrmsd]

Originally Posted by dave1970

I have to say, after two years of living here, I'm having a hard time finding things I like about it. On paper, Boston definitely seems to have it all, but it seems to be rankings and statistics that mean little to my experience. But, sometimes, you move to a place, and things don't work out at first, but later they do, and maybe I'm in that situation. Maybe I just haven't discovered the right places. Here are some of my interests / likes / dislikes. Any advice appreciated:

- Fashion, trends
- International travel
- Shopping
- Classical music, jazz
- Dance music / clubbing
- Health / consciousness exploration
- Current events
- Outdoor recreation
- Dislike team sports (spectator and pleaying team sports)
- Not a fan of rock music
- Not religious, don't follow any traditions closely

I've lived in many different countries and cities. In North America, I've lived in Los Angeles, Kansas City, Montreal, Toronto, and Washington DC. I like LA, Toronto, and Montreal the most, Boston the least. Some random thoughts on Boston: People generally find it strange that a man would like fashion. The available clothes shopping is generic. The city culture isn't very international, and people don't travel/live internationally much. The quality of the Boston orchestra is excellent, but their repertoire is relatively boring, and the audience is not very dynamic. I figured there would be loads of bar hopping around Berklee and cutting-edge live jazz, but there is only one club nearby. It's a good jazz club, but it's the only one. The dance clubs in Boston are laughable. Yoga seems to be seen as yuppy-ish or hippy-ish--in a negative way. I think maybe because Boston is very medical-focused, the culture generally resists such ideas.

Beacon Hill is lovely, and so is Charlestown. but, the rest of Boston seems to have been built with zero regard to design and beauty. People here say it's because Boston is old, but that makes no sense, because there are plenty of much older cities elsewhere that have solved design problems. I don't see Boston as very old, in the grand scheme of things; it's just poorly managed.

Finally, I find that Boston culture is very focused on age and life-stage. In order words, you're expected to act a certain way if you're in a certain age group. People here sometimes think I'm 10-15 years younger than I am (which is fine), but they treat me like a "younger person" and give me less respect. It's a cultural issue at work, but also when I go out to restaurants, buy services for my home, etc. I'm a cool guy, I'm 40, I have a girlfriend, I own a condo, make a good living. I just don't get Boston. It seems like one of the most deeply conservative cities I've ever lived in.

Or---am I just not going to the right places?

Thanks!
Dave

yes,new england as a whole [where i grew up and family is from] is very 'life stage focused'. it's the NE tradition for you! love it or leave it. I have lived in the west coast for ten years now [after 10 yrs in rocky mtns/abroad],and I love the lack of tradition,actually.

Secondly,Boston is a college town-thousands of students for hundreds of colleges-so there is an element of expectation that comes from the city's experience that if you look a certain age,you are here for a certain experience.

Thirdly,there are a fair number of folks who are born and raised,if not in boston,in the surroudning areas of MA,and this is fantastic for them,but it does make the city I think more traditional and set in it's ways,to some extent. [insular and family focused,in a way]

That said,Boston had the first school of acupuncture in the country,way back in the early 70's,(was in watertown,now in newton)and of course it has it's innovations. But it is more traditional overall in my experience.

Oh,and please,noone yell at me-I adore boston! I actually think it's underrated as a city.

Great food,really good pizza,too that gets overshadowed by NY.
I love it's neighborhoods and find far more than just beacon hill and charlestown beautiful. Love brookline,cambridge,and many others. If you appreciate history,you will love even medford,allston,brighton,dorchester,etc.

It is not an old city by european standards,but by US standards,it most certainly is. I'm not sure what yo umean when you see other old cities have dealt with their problem in taht way. boston has alot of old houses,particular mult family,b/c that is the history of the city's economy. ????

Anyway,I think it's an awesome place,and can also see why the OP feels the way he does-those aspects of Boston are what make some people love the city,in fact. Tradition,a bit old-school in some ways.works for some.

You will find holistic health and exploration more in cambridge area,overall.
New England is very reserved. Friendly but reserved is how I characterize it,being from the area myself. So things do not usually feel so pervasive,and trends do not take hold for the majority,for the most part,IMO.

[nesluopge]

thanks...you not liking Boston actually makes me more excited about potentially moving there. No offense, but I can see why you might like that Toilet called Los Angeles