Best City for 25-40y/o singles in Col? (Denver: lease, credit)

[Danmac]

Looking to find a good single group to mix it up in and make friends and nice educated women. What cities are the best in Colorado?

[mark747]

There are a lot of single people in Boulder, but from what I've heard-they tend to stay single. It's a peter pan land.

[POhdNcrzy]

Originally Posted by mark747

There are a lot of single people in Boulder, but from what I've heard-they tend to stay single. It's a peter pan land.

I agree, and Boulder is actually famous for this. I'm not sure what you mean by "peter pan land" unless you are referring to the many people in Boulder with varying degrees of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as conceived by Sam Vaknin, PhD) who are unable to form meaningful, intimate relationships of any duration.

I was secretly hoping this thread would head into this line of discussion...I didn't want to be the first because if you say anything negative on CD-F, you open yourself up to troll-accusations, etc.

I think a young man coming to Boulder to find single women is pretty lunatic. Yeah, there are college girls here and you definitely could try to meet/date some of them. However, they are very much young college lemmings and probably want a significant other who is also a young college student.

Other than that, forget it. Most of the young women here treat men as if they were Creatures From The Black Lagoon or Charles Manson with a bad case of leprosy and syphilis. Very odd indeed. After many years I started wondering if all these women are gay or what? Most importantly, why do they hate men so much?? Boulder women are by and large EXTREMELY hostile to men.

Your only hope is a fresh woman who just moved to town. Odds are actually pretty good with this scenario....

[Hipchik]

Originally Posted by POhdNcrzy

I agree, and Boulder is actually famous for this. I'm not sure what you mean by "peter pan land" unless you are referring to the many people in Boulder with varying degrees of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as conceived by Sam Vaknin, PhD) who are unable to form meaningful, intimate relationships of any duration.

I was secretly hoping this thread would head into this line of discussion...I didn't want to be the first because if you say anything negative on CD-F, you open yourself up to troll-accusations, etc.
I think a young man coming to Boulder to find single women is pretty lunatic. Yeah, there are college girls here and you definitely could try to meet/date some of them. However, they are very much young college lemmings and probably want a significant other who is also a young college student.
Other than that, forget it. Most of the young women here treat men as if they were Creatures From The Black Lagoon or Charles Manson with a bad case of leprosy and syphilis. Very odd indeed. After many years I started wondering if all these women are gay or what? Most importantly, why do they hate men so much?? Boulder women are by and large EXTREMELY hostile to men.

That is quite a chip you have on your shoulder! Did you ever consider the possiblility that the women just didn't want to have a relationship with YOU? But of course not... all Boulder women are gay or have something wrong with them. What a crock. Give me a break!
I cannot even count how many people I know who met and married someone while living and working in Boulder. When I lived there I had no trouble meeting men, some very wonderful men. Yes, when we were younger some of them had commitment phobias. "Boulder is famous for this " LOL. You will find them anywhere you go. Boulder does not have a lock on commitment-phobics!

I found Boulder to be a very good place to meet intelligent educated people. I am engaged to one of them. Denver is also a great place. (But I bet if you ask this question in the Denver forum you will get the same silly answers you just got here.) Men!

[suzco]

Originally Posted by Hipchik

That is quite a chip you have on your shoulder! Did you ever consider the possiblility that the women just didn't want to have a relationship with YOU? But of course not... all Boulder women are gay or have something wrong with them. What a crock. Give me a break!
I cannot even count how many people I know who met and married someone while living and working in Boulder. When I lived there I had no trouble meeting men, some very wonderful men. Yes, when we were younger some of them had commitment phobias. "Boulder is famous for this " LOL. You will find them anywhere you go. Boulder does not have a lock on commitment-phobics!

I found Boulder to be a very good place to meet intelligent educated people. I am engaged to one of them. Denver is also a great place. (But I bet if you ask this question in the Denver forum you will get the same silly answers you just got here.) Men!

His name *is* PohdNcrzy. He named himself truthfully.

[POhdNcrzy]

Originally Posted by POhdNcrzy

Most of the young women here treat men as if they were Creatures From The Black Lagoon or Charles Manson with a bad case of leprosy and syphilis. Very odd indeed.

No chips here...just curious about (above).

I get this treatment in Boulder in stores, in yoga class, in coffee shops, etc. It's always a woman between 20 and 40 years old. There is very poor eye contact and a very aloof and distant demeanor. The vibe put out sorta reads like: "Eww, gross a man! Guess I'll get through this somehow. Hopefully this will be over quick. Yuk, men have nothing to do with my personal life whatsoever. I'm angry but can't show it. I feel so verklemmpt."

Of course, these "cold fish" women are still a minority (barely). There are women in Boulder who are "normal" and "friendly".

Take it with a grain of salt if ya want. But this is a very noticeable phenomenon in Boulder.

Don't attack me for pointing this stuff out. I absolutely worship women and all things feminine.

[whoisjongalt]

I'd say avoid Boulder. It's mostly college kids, soccer moms, and middle-aged ex-hippies with a lot of money. Unless you're into college girls or MILF's, you're social circle will be limited. You'll meet way more women in Denver.

[brettborders]

Originally Posted by POhdNcrzy

I get this treatment in Boulder in stores, in yoga class, in coffee shops, etc. It's always a woman between 20 and 40 years old. There is very poor eye contact and a very aloof and distant demeanor. The vibe put out sorta reads like: "Eww, gross a man! Guess I'll get through this somehow. Hopefully this will be over quick. Yuk, men have nothing to do with my personal life whatsoever. I'm angry but can't show it. I feel so verklemmpt."

As a single guy who has lived in Boulder for almost 3 years, I could not agree more with what POhdNcrzy says nor could I have said it better myself.

Boulder has a distinct collective consciousness that attracts these kind of people and drives the friendlier and more sincere ones away. There are some normal, unaffected, friendly women from other areas of the country and lots of college students - but they are not the archtypical Boulderites.

Everywhere else I have lived, the women have always been at least cordial me. They may not be overtly friendly or interested in you, but they'll probably say "Hi" or nod to acknowledge your presence (as long as the guy doesn't seem crazy, intoxicated or threatening)... rather than putting up blinders in an awkward and uncomfortable charade to pretend like you don't exist.

Boulder is an oasis where women who have "that issue" flock together, birds of a feather. And it's a nirvana for yuppies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - "special" people who are insecure and project it with a defensive and slightly hostile "I'm rich / brilliant / accomplished / beautiful - and you, MOST DEFINITELY, are not quite in the same league" vibe.

What's odd about it is that the people here think of themselves as "laid backer skiers, mountain bikers and conscious yoga gods and goddesses" - and it's true , many of them DO buy organic at Whole Foods, deeply appreciate the mountain scenery while on ski lifts, and are thinking about a new hybrid SUV next year to help save the planet.. but they're still social climbers and snobs with an LA attitude... except they wear khaki shorts and Chaco sandals.

This is not a blind rant against the upscale / upper class nature of Boulder. I've dated and worked for some very cool, humble, and generous rich people. I've lived in wealthy places on the West Coast and overseas ... populated by distinctly more kind and sincere upper crust people... but Boulder seems to attract the worst elements of that demographic. Self-absorbed snobs who care nothing about the community or vibe in Boulder, who are oblivious to anything and anyone that doesn't serve their own agenda or personal interests directly.

There's a reason why the psychotherapy and counseling scene is so huge here.

[CCCVDUR]

Originally Posted by POhdNcrzy

No chips here...just curious about (above).

I get this treatment in Boulder in stores, in yoga class, in coffee shops, etc. It's always a woman between 20 and 40 years old. There is very poor eye contact and a very aloof and distant demeanor. The vibe put out sorta reads like: "Eww, gross a man! Guess I'll get through this somehow. Hopefully this will be over quick. Yuk, men have nothing to do with my personal life whatsoever. I'm angry but can't show it. I feel so verklemmpt."

Of course, these "cold fish" women are still a minority (barely). There are women in Boulder who are "normal" and "friendly".

Take it with a grain of salt if ya want. But this is a very noticeable phenomenon in Boulder.

Don't attack me for pointing this stuff out. I absolutely worship women and all things feminine.

Hmmm........I'm not sure where these posts keep coming from..........
Compared to Southwest "rivals" such as Flagstaff, Albuquerque, and Santa Fe, NM, Boulder is MUCH more friendlier, and I did NOT observe ANY degree of unfriendliness when I visited the place, despite many threads similar to this one . . . including where I challenged this board, because people started threads like this one !

The only thing I found in Boulder was that landlords are very rich, fiscally conservative, and VERY hesitant to rent to outsiders. So the best advice is to move there with a significant other, or, have a parent, guardian, or relative co-sign a lease. Otherwise, it's not possible to move there w/o a job lined up in advance.

I also didn't observe ANY unusual degree of Narcissistic traits. In contrast you find that all over people in smaller towns in Arizona and New Mexico where it's impossible to make friends. What you DO find in Boulder is people obsessed with status and trends; it's no longer a hippie community and more of a yuppie community with 4 story Smart Growth townhomes and the overly trendy 29th street mall, similar to the District in Vegas. And, it's WAAAAY too fast paced, similar to Berkeley. The town drives me nuts but I would not be opposed to living there. Could this cause personality changes that others are writing about? I prefer areas of low density w/o Smart Growth such as Sedona, South Lake Tahoe, Durango, Flagstaff, the Arkansas and San Luis Valleys (in Colorado), Placitas, NM, etc.

However, credit where credit is due, w/ Boulder unemployment steady at 6% for 12 consecutive months, the smart growth model of infilling and recruiting white collar engineering high tech jobs has been proven to work. Smart growth doesn't work in anti-business, high-tax places such as California, where unemployment has doubled in that same yearly period to 12%.

It's important to bring up business friendliness in this context, since college students can actually start businesses in the place they graduate. And, that means plenty of young singles ages 25-40 as the orignal poster wrote. And, that means it's easier to make friends. Compare that to Flagstaff where college grads can't stay in town since the City is anti-business growth. Boulder is #1 as a Liberal college town coupled with a major University and related activities - right there with Cary, North Carolina; Ft. Collins, CO; Berkeley, CA; Santa Cruz, CA; San Francisco, CA; Eugene, OR; Portland, OR; Seattle, WA. etc. etc.

Overall, Durango is my favorite place in Colorado - questions -

Nevertheless, how would you compare Boulder friendliness to Ft. Collins and Durango ?

For those who see evidence of Narcissism, does it exist in Ft. Collins and Durango ?

Originally Posted by POhdNcrzy

Boulder women are by and large EXTREMELY hostile to men.

In my experience . . . Substitute "Santa Fe," "Sedona," "Cottonwood-Page Springs, AZ," "Albuquerque" and "Flagstaff" and "Reno" for "Boulder" in women above!

[brettborders]

Originally Posted by Tom Lane

Hmmm........I'm not sure where these posts keep coming from..........
Compared to Southwest "rivals" such as Flagstaff, Albuquerque, and Santa Fe, NM, Boulder is MUCH more friendlier, and I did NOT observe ANY degree of unfriendliness when I visited the place, despite many threads similar to this one . . .

I also didn't observe ANY unusual degree of Narcissistic traits

I didn't observe ANY of this either when I visited Boulder, nor did I pick up on the "real Boulder vibe" until I had been here for about 2 years. It all dawned on me slowly... unraveling one piece of the puzzle after the next. POhdNcrzy's take on it is 100% spot on - so right it hurts. It all seems very nice and idyllic on the surface - but when you try to make friends with the people at the core of Boulder culture & society and join the inner circles - then you start to understand who really lives here and what they are like behind the "laid back, progressive hiker" mask. A significant percentage of the people here have some degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - a significant percentage of the women seem extra-ordinarily cold and aloof. Not a majority, but enough that it is a defining characteristic of the "Boulder experience" and culture.

Some folks, like the throngs of people from Silicon Valley, Chicago and Manhattan who now live here - or people like you who are comparing it to Santa Fe or Sedona - don't notice it either. To them, it seems "friendly" and "laid back" compared to Lake Shore Drive or 5th avenue.

If you make over $150k per year and your hobbies are triathalons and remodeling houses for profit, it's nirvana.

But if you come from a place where people are REALLY NICE, welcoming and cooperative (more than cliquish and competitive), and they say "How's it going?" when they meet strangers on the street or in coffee shops... or where most of the people you know work full-time for a living and aren't "semi-retired" or subsidized by their parents... Boulder might not be your kind of vibe.