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Old 12-28-2010, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,537,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treed9 View Post
My wife and I have a strong desire to relocate our family of four to California.
My folks have three grand children; two of them are our 12 and 13 year old daughters.
We decided to really dig in here, and got really involved in our church
We will start looking into the job markets and areas to live. I am a Custom Products Engineer for a bar and beverage equipment manufacturer
I am not a formally trained engineer.
I am 40 years old
My wife has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree. She currently works in a research, sales and marketing capacity for a company that does employee engagement for companies
She has also worked for a company that did research for the branches of the military.

My daughters are in 7th and 8th grade.

all we need to do is decide on what area we would like to live and then start looking for employment.


Areas we are looking into are Corona, Irvine (because family is in both places), also Ventura County..Simi Valley, Thousand Oaks.
Everything depends on where you find jobs.

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Old 12-28-2010, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Riverside
4,088 posts, read 4,374,945 times
Reputation: 3092
Quote:
Originally Posted by treed9 View Post
I really don’t know what I am asking of anyone to contribute here, but any insight would be great.

My wife and I have a strong desire to relocate our family of four to California. All I have to do is say “YES” and we will start to put things in motion to make it happen. However, I am having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with leaving my side of the family. My folks have three grand children; two of them are our 12 and 13 year old daughters. The other is my sisters adopted son.

My wife and I expressed a strong desire to my folks about 2 years ago, and the guilt (me), turmoil and anger it caused was brutal. Everyone has gotten over the hurt feelings (maybe except for my wife). We decided to put the idea on hold and just see if the desire subsides. We decided to really dig in here, and got really involved in our church and have some very close friends. I have made it a point to make sure my wife sees more and experiences more of what Wisconsin has to offer. It really is a beautiful state. Even with the great experiences we have had and the personal connections we have made, the desire has not gone away and now I believe that there is something to this pull to California that is hard to ignore.

My side of the family has said that this is completely irresponsible of us to want to move our kids there. They have kind of lumped all of California as a wasteland and there is nothing there for us. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s a place they love to visit but would never live there. My wife’s mother, brother, and sister have never left California and reside in Corona and Irvine. For much of my wife’s life, she was raised apart from her brother and sister (not by her own choosing). As we are getting older, I can see the pain and sorrow she feels by not being close to them. We have been fortunate enough to come out to their areas in California every year, for the most part. We try to spend 10 to 14 days at a time when we are there. We have travelled there several times over our 14 years together. We have experienced the winters and summers there. I have loved every minute of our visits with them. I have always wondered what it would be like to live there but, vacationing there is completely different from living there. When we are there, traffic doesn’t bother me, but we are on vacation time, I am not sure how I would feel if I had to get to and from work or had to get somewhere in a timely manner.

We are a mixed couple (I white, she black). I don’t feel, see, or experience the lack of tolerance as she does. In our small town of 5000 the kids have had some derogatory remarks made to them which is weird because as far as skin color goes, they are much closer to my complexion than my wife’s. But, these kids know who my girl’s mother is. While I have thought raising our kids in my hometown was giving them a stable environment, I have now come to see the bubble we are living in and the lack of cultural diversity (which is very important to my wife.) When trying to squelch the desire for California, we have contemplated moving closer to Milwaukee so that we could be in a more culturally diverse area. There is a problem though; Milwaukee has been described as one of the most segregated cities in America. For the sake of diversity, it means quite possibly risking your safety. My vacationing experiences in California seem more of a melting pot of diversity. This is what I perceive as desirable.

So, now we are at crossroads I guess. We will start looking into the job markets and areas to live. I am a Custom Products Engineer for a bar and beverage equipment manufacturer in Milwaukee. I am not a formally trained engineer. I have learned on the job and through past job experiences that made it possible for me to have such a position here. The good stuff, I like my boss, it has been a stable job, and it pays well. The bad stuff, it is not very personally rewarding, I drive 40 miles each way (80 miles round trip), and there is no more opportunity to grow. I am 40 years old and I believe this is what I will be doing until I retire or they make more cuts. My concern of starting somewhere new, is while I have years of experience, I don’t have the paper to back it up. My wife has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree. She currently works in a research, sales and marketing capacity for a company that does employee engagement for companies in and around Wisconsin. She has also worked for a company that did research for the branches of the military. She traveled a lot for that job and had to go to Washington D.C. quite a bit to meet personal at the Pentagon and also the Canadian embassy. She really enjoyed that job. However, the salary/compensation was very low when compared to how much travel & the responsibilities she had.

My daughters are in 7th and 8th grade. My oldest loves art, very good at gymnastics (although we stopped going because of the high cost), she is very good at swimming (but didn’t enjoy the competition), and is great at cross country and distance/relay running in track. She loves to run and has no problem with competing in running sports (not sure why she did for swimming though, hhhhmmmm). My youngest is the next Disney Star wanna-be. She has star so big in her eyes that she is blinded by it. However, she loves anything with clothes, is teaching herself guitar, piano, and sings all the time (really loudly). She plays clarinet in the school band and has progressed to participate in honors band extra circular activities. Both of our girls are doing very well in school.

I am trying to be realistic about what needs to be considered/taken into account when pursuing something like this. She believes she knows all she needs to know about moving to California. For her, all we need to do is decide on what area we would like to live and then start looking for employment. While owning a home would be great, it is not a priority for us. Renting is just fine. We own a 1300 sq. ft. 2 bed, 2 bath condo ourselves and it will be difficult to sell in this market. If/when we do sell; it will be break even or possibly a slight loss.

Areas we are looking into are Corona, Irvine (because family is in both places), also Ventura County..Simi Valley, Thousand Oaks.

Again, not sure what to expect for feedback, but any insight would be great and would help us in vetting out our thoughts while we consider taking more steps.
What, you don't want to move to Texas???

I say go for it. Yes, conditions aren't perfect in California, but the fact is, they never were and never will be. If you move here, you may regret it. But if you don't, you will definitely always regret not trying.

About the weather-don't underestimate how important that is. There is nothing like 300 or so 75-80 degree days with gentile breezes per year- alleviates a lot of stress.

Good luck.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:28 PM
 
Location: the illegal immigrant state
767 posts, read 1,738,577 times
Reputation: 1057
Even with the great experiences we have had and the personal connections we have made, the desire has not gone away and now I believe that there is something to this pull to California that is hard to ignore.

The above sentence is pretty powerful, I think.

My side of the family has said that this is completely irresponsible of us to want to move our kids there. They have kind of lumped all of California as a wasteland and there is nothing there for us.

Well at least you understand how objective they aren't.

As we are getting older, I can see the pain and sorrow she feels by not being close to them. We have been fortunate enough to come out to their areas in California every year, for the most part. We try to spend 10 to 14 days at a time when we are there. We have travelled there several times over our 14 years together. We have experienced the winters and summers there.

If you've only visited, you haven't really experience the seasons, which could be good. Summer is long, hot and dry whereas winter is short, occasionally wet and cool. Winter in SoCal means no snow- no winterizing your car, warming it before leaving, driving in poor conditions. It makes life less eventful as with the four seasons you get in WI, but very easy. I say this not having lived in SoCal but having lived in San Jose which, with 300 sunny days a year, is similar.

When we are there, traffic doesn’t bother me, but we are on vacation time, I am not sure how I would feel if I had to get to and from work or had to get somewhere in a timely manner.

You would adjust. You say later in your post that you have an 80-mile round trip commute already. How many hours do you already spend commuting? Temporally, you're already doing a CA metro commute.

However, the defining feature of commuting in traffic is that it's stop and go. That heavily taxes your mind and patience, which tires and stresses you. You'll want to find a way to carpool or, if your workplace is close to a public trans depot, take the commuter train. If you can't do that, you'll have to solo commute in traffic. That's the worst place scenario but many people live with it so it can be done.

Fortunately, your kids are older and more self-sufficient to the point where they will soon be trying to establish their independence. This should mitigate the time you spend apart from them while commuting.


We are a mixed couple (I white, she black). I don’t feel, see, or experience the lack of tolerance as she does.

That will shock no one.

However, if you're white and have lived in a mostly-white party the USA, be aware that there is racism against white people in CA. There is a history of oppression of blacks and Hispanics here and I have witnessed first hand how many working class Hispanics pass their racism onto their children. While most educated and middle class people of color will have minimized their racism, there will always be an undercurrent of it along with a racial tension, no matter how mild.

Be advised .


In our small town of 5000 the kids have had some derogatory remarks made to them which is weird because as far as skin color goes, they are much closer to my complexion than my wife’s.

It's not like it's about color. It's about ethnicity and culture.


My vacationing experiences in California seem more of a melting pot of diversity. This is what I perceive as desirable.

Yes, this multiculturalism is what has been preached and espoused in CA society for some time. As I said earlier, there will always be an undercurrent of tension but the diversity campaign of the state has been mostly successful. Racism is, on the surface, a taboo.

I said what I said earlier as a heads-up but I still think the CA coastal metro areas are one of the best places for a family of your description.


I am not a formally trained engineer. I have learned on the job and through past job experiences that made it possible for me to have such a position here.

This is a cause for concern. In CA, you could be competing with engineers who have bachelor's and master's degrees. That could be difficult. IMO, one of the biggest questions you should be researching is just what kind of employment you could get in CA. You may have to do something outside of your field. You could end up in something as entry level as retail management. But, read further..

The good stuff, I like my boss, it has been a stable job, and it pays well. ...and there is no more opportunity to grow. I am 40 years old and I believe this is what I will be doing until I retire or they make more cuts.

The good stuff is the bad stuff because that makes it easier to just keep doing the same thing for the rest of your working life.

I don't know how ambitious you are but I wouldn't want to feel stagnated so early in my working life. While there will be more and fiercer competition in CA, there will also be a greater diversity of opportunities and you might grow in a direction that you now do not expect or are able to conceive of.

That's CA for you: opportunity and potential fraught with high stakes and uncertainty.


My concern of starting somewhere new, is while I have years of experience, I don’t have the paper to back it up. My wife has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree. She currently works in a research, sales and marketing capacity for a company that does employee engagement...

You both need to assess your marketability in CA given the state of the economy. As well, assess how much you would expect to earn. The COL is high here and it will only get higher.

This is key.

My daughters are in 7th and 8th grade...

With the COL in CA, you'll want them doing the lowest-cost activities. Schooling is another big issue which I believe someone else touched on. If it's public school you want, you'll have to be very selective about where you live and you may incur a longer commute due to that. If it's private school, the COL in an expensive area will be yet higher and you and your wife will have to earn more to support that. And then there's college.

..She believes she knows all she needs to know about moving to California.

She's probably wrong.

...While owning a home would be great, it is not a priority for us. Renting is just fine.

This is enabling as the pursuit of the American Dream is why many people leave CA.

We own a 1300 sq. ft. 2 bed, 2 bath condo ourselves and it will be difficult to sell in this market. If/when we do sell; it will be break even or possibly a slight loss.

Can you keep it as a rental property? Why sell in a buyer's market? ..had to ask.

Again, not sure what to expect for feedback, but any insight would be great and would help us in vetting out our thoughts while we consider taking more steps.

HTH.

Last edited by sjnative; 12-28-2010 at 09:12 PM..
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Old 12-28-2010, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, WA
8,193 posts, read 16,610,645 times
Reputation: 9433
A lot of good advice has ben given based on the information you provided - which is much more than most give BTW. So that's good that we get a better idea of where your family is coming from.

However I have to agree with curmudgeon on this one. You cannot let parents guilt you into or out of what is best for your family. It sounds like you and your wife have given this a lot of consideration. And she has made quite a number of concessions already. Maybe this is her turn now to enjoy a part of the country which means a lot to her. How will you ever know if you don't give it a chance? Worst case scenario is you move out, stay a few years, decide you ultimately prefer WI and move back. Then at least you have given it a shot.

Obviously jobs are a consideration. But if you both make the decision to start looking and plan for it, it can work for you where it has failed for others. The key is to securing solid opportunities. For her that will most likely be easier with her background/education. For you it will be more of a challenge. But it also presents new opportunities to expand your skills if you find the right niche. So it will be more work for you I think which will most likely require going back for some kind of training/education. Even though you are 40 y/o it's never too late to further your education. You sound like an intelligent, resourceful person who has risen up through the ranks using a good work ethic. That same work ethic will serve you well in CA. But you will have to navigate the economy for better or worse and find your niche, possibly in a new field. Is your wife ok with that? There was a time when I went back to school full time to complete my Masters and my wife was fully supportive of it. Now she is able to stay at home and raise our kids while I work.

If you start now preparing for such a transition it would help everyone. Its time to break the the guilt, burying of personal desires/ambitions/goals, frustration cycle. I know another couple like you who I recommended the husband getting further training in his/my field of IT before making their move out West. So that is what he is doing now. Maybe that is something you can look at there - education/training. At least then you will be working toward something, making a good faith effort. I'm sure your wife will appreciate it as well.

My 2c,

Derek
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Old 12-28-2010, 10:48 PM
 
30,873 posts, read 36,815,390 times
Reputation: 34457
Quote:
Originally Posted by capoeira View Post
I suggest dropping the 40 mile commmute and move much closer to Milwaukee. There are safe and close school districts both north and south of Milwaukee like Shorewood or Whitnall. Then after work you can enjoy the diversity of Milwaukee instead of spending all your time driving.
I am not familiar with Wisconsin but ^^^^^this^^^^^ is what I was thinking, too

To the OP: The biggest problem in moving to California with kids, even if you're a renter, is that the rent on a house/apartment in a good school disctrict for the kids is going to be through the roof (pun sort of intended).

That, and your job. You'll likely need 2 full time professional incomes to live the same lifestyle in CA as you do in WI. In California they generally want the work ethic AND the piece of paper with B.S. or M.S. on it.

Rents here are already high. And in general, wages here are higher but rarely compensate for the higher cost of living.

If either you or your wife were in a position to write your own ticket for a really good paying job as far as the job market is concenred and/or kids were not in the picture, I'd say it's doable for you to move here. But that doesn't look like it's the case. I'd say making a success of it here without going bust or in debt over your eyeballs is likely to be a long, hard, uphill slog. Not impossible, but very tough, especially with kids involved.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; 12-28-2010 at 11:07 PM..
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Old 12-29-2010, 06:34 AM
 
5,381 posts, read 8,653,093 times
Reputation: 4550
What a thoughtful post. People have offered a lot of great advice, but I will chime in anyway. Finding good-paying jobs will be your biggest obstacle to moving here. Have that in place first. Since you are 40, I would suggest getting additional education and training (some aspect of the healthcare field like x-ray tech, PT, respiratory therapist, biomechanical engineer?) NOW, because things will only get tougher once you reach your fifties, and must then compete with younger people.

The job market here in CA is very competitive, and I agree with others that your strong work ethic will take you far, but it will not take the place of a degree. Many employers require a bachelors for even relatively low-paying administrative assistant jobs.

Regarding your relatives, it’s your life, so do what is best for you, your wife and kids. Sure, extended family members would love to keep you close-by, but you can always text message, telephone and visit them. (They can also visit YOU).

After all, do you really want to play it safe, ignore your wants, try to please everyone else, and then wake-up one day at 65, resentful, and say, “What if?”

Last edited by pacific2; 12-29-2010 at 06:49 AM..
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:05 AM
 
25,619 posts, read 36,568,173 times
Reputation: 23293
Not to be a sarcastic ass but..... Play powerball, I think you have it in Wis.,if you win great move out to California. It has the same odds as you and your wife, you will both need to work out here, finding jobs that allow you to experience life the way you have experienced it while vacationing here the last 14 years. Make no mistake this is not a time for a Grapes of Wrath type of migration to this state. If you want that go to Texas, for my haters.

Really if you have family here you already have a foot in the door. You will need to lean on them in your job search.

Make no mistake, your grass is greener on the other side of the hill paradigm will get you into trouble out here if you don't plan this move like you are going to war. That's exactly what you are up against in this job market.

Good luck, what ever you decide to do.
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Old 12-29-2010, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Northern Colorado
4,932 posts, read 12,724,002 times
Reputation: 1364
I am currently looking at the jobs available in SLO county. I would prefer doing city planning which is what my BS will be in, but jobs are just scarce everywhere in California. I have decided to open up my options to planning-related jobs such as jobs for PG&E, GIS Jobs, downtown revitilization agencies, and non-profits like Americorps.
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Old 12-29-2010, 01:19 PM
 
Location: San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara Counties
6,390 posts, read 9,643,913 times
Reputation: 2622
Spending a year in Americorp would be a great experience, ask to be sent to a region in the East, it will be great growth experience, my boy did that after high school. He did much good stuff.
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Old 12-29-2010, 04:36 PM
 
Location: USA
2,362 posts, read 2,988,018 times
Reputation: 1854
Quote:
Originally Posted by .highnlite View Post
Still here though, eh?
hahaha.
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