Commute from Calabasas

[Jen38]

We can wait it out, but his job here is unstable. It was a short term thing. We don't want to be in the position of losing the contract and then have no job.
I have thought about letting him go out there for however long and us staying here but I have two elementary age boys and that could be tough - although my family (mom,Dad and sis) is here. We are very family oriented with going to youth soccer, football etc. games. To not have him here for all of that would be hard. I know that I could do it, we've moved so many times where I had to stay back for a couple of months to "seal the deal", that I've become good at being a mom and dad but that's not my preference. I guess it's a toss up between financials or family. Family usually wins.

How long were you in SoCal? If it was more affordable, would you have stayed or did you really not like the people either? It seems like people have kids later just because it takes so long to afford a house. I have friends out there who are turning 40 next year and have just decided to start a family!

Everything is being negotiated, so if we don't get what we want (of course it's still not what I think we need) then we won't take it. My friend said that we should be looking at $1.5-$2.0 million houses because of what my husband would me making. To me that is crazy! I think that your salary would have to be in the $500-$600k range to buy that large. We are not making that. How do these people afford it? People say if you make over 6 figures you can do well. Honestly I don't know how people live in La on the lower 6 figure range. That is some really creative financing. I just don't get it. The numbers don't add up to me.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by Jen38

What kind of lives do families live? Here, all of the kids in the neighborhood run around in the cul-de-sac playing tag, football etc.. If you drive down our street you see bikes, basketball nets, riding toys, swingsets and kids all over the place during the day in the summer or on weekends during school. We constantly have our neighbors just stopping by to swim when we are in the pool. It's not like people need to be invited, we just kind of walk in to each other's houses. We'll get together in the cul-de-sac for some wine on Friday nights and watch the kids play...Does this exist in communities around LA or are people just so busy they don't have time for the winding down and just enjoy their family and friends? This is the best place we have lived, its going to be really tough to move. I don't just want a pretty house, the community is much more important.

My parents live in Calabasas and their neighborhood is exactly how you described. They have block parties all the time. Plus, my parents are elderly and the neighbors check up on them.

As far as the "too busy" thing. I think those lifestyles are all over the country and are more correlated to certain socioeconomic groups rather than certain geographical groups. We lived in a upper middle class part of SoCal and yes, parents were "too busy", "Love to talk, but we gotta go..". We live in an upper middle class neighborhood in Colorado, same thing. I visit Huntsville, AL often on business and I have checked out some nice neighborhoods there. The feel I got from the behavior in public places seemed identical....the "I gotta go", look, always on the cell phone, etc. (I saw the same things in some nice neighborhoods in upstate New York too.) Same for the DC area. Those were five distinct geographical areas. All had the "Gotta go" feel to them in upper middle class neighborhoods.

A lot of the women are working and raising kids. Very stressed. (Many, more than you, think are very medicated.) Got to be a Supermom. (What's interesting is dads have always been Superdads: We're dads AND we have a career.)

June Cleaver doesn't bake too many cakes there anymore.

[Jen38]

You are right. We are all busy and I can't deny that during the week I too am in the car, driving my kids here and there and on the cell a lot. I've noticed the older your kids get the busier you are. That's ok, as long as it's with the kids. We've been fortunate enough that I don't have to work anymore so I do have more time than moms who work but I am hoping to live in an area where there are other moms who don't work either. It worries me that I won't find that in LA because it usually takes two incomes to pay the bills.

I'm glad to hear about your parents neighborhood. Does it have a subdivision name or anything?
oh, and I gotta add my two cents about the SuperDads. You may be one of them and I admire those that are. However, I have a lot of friends whose husbands believe that it's the woman's job to do everything including go to their kid's sports games alone. On Saturdays it's Dad's time to rest or play golf. My husband is a big kid and couldn't wait until our boys played sports so I guess I'm lucky although sometimes I wonder if he's enjoying it more than they are!
I also have a lot of friends that are self medicated, either on anti depressants or have very early cocktail hours daily. Although I have to say, I look for the husbands in that family and they are rarely around. Some men believe that the more money they make, the more free time away from their family they should get. I feel bad for those wives but then again they don't stand up and say anything so it will continue.

It's hard to do both and the men and women that do and make it work are heroes in my mind. I could never do both, that's why we took a big cut a few years ago. Thankfully my husband was able to move up and compensate for my salary later on. It was a tough few years though. Got to sacrifice some things for whatever might be important to you.

And now back to finding me a good place to live...!

[PasadenaGuy]

South Pasadena is a very family oriented community with good schools and is close to downtown LA. Neighboring communities of San Marino and La Canada also have great schools - but they are pricier. There are also some areas in the Glendale hills (Chevy Chase canyon, Montrose, La Crescenta) that you might consider.

$1 million - $1.5 mill should get you a nice home in a nice area. Not the "best area" or the "biggest house" - but still very nice. The amount of equity you use as down payment has as much to do with what you can afford as your monthly income. Most CA homeowners have the benefit of substantial equity which makes it possible to afford the higher prices.

The outlying suburbs are the most "kid-friendly" - but the commutes are very stressful. You might also consider Valencia/Santa Clarita or Simi Valley/Moorpark if you want a distant suburb. There are commuter trains which run from both of those areas into downtown.

Good luck!

[Jen38]

Thanks. I'll take another look at South Pasadena. I'm not sure why it didn't make my top 4, I'll go back and check. I wish we had that kind of equity in our house but we don't. What % would you say people's mortgages are to their monthly take home? I imagine electric would be less out there. Our AC bill has been close to $600 per month for the summer. Crazy!
Besides housing, what else might be higher? What is your gasoline price? That's a big factor for a longer commute as well. Are their trains to downtown from Calabasas?
Also, if you work in LA do you have a city wage tax? or any other odd tax that they take out of your pay. What % can I count on deducting from his check?

[CBaillo]

i was born and raised in california. i've never liked in it CA people were kind of too much into themselves, biggest cars, biggest house, who makes more money, etc. Dads never home, and often times too both parents gone. It's not a state of mind, it DOES take a lot more to survive in CA, which means you work longer to maintain the job you have, because any change of income or loss of work, can just obliterate you financially, because the of the cost of things.

We make 40% less here than we did in Socal, and we are more comfortable financially than we ever were in CA. I've had more time to do the simple things like go out with the family and daughter that I was not able to do, because people here (as is more common in smaller communities across the US) tend to be more similar mentality that family trumps all things.

One can't tell me that I could have done these things before when I would work a dayjob from 7am-6pm in corporate america, and a second job from 6pm -11pm 3 times a week, just to survive, and we were simple people. No big house, no big cars, just what we needed and we were swamped. We were both working just to scrape by.

If I was single and only had myself to worry about I'd LOVE CA....but w/ a family and too many factors other than myself, CA just was not an option anymore.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by CBaillo

i was born and raised in california. i've never liked in it CA people were kind of too much into themselves, biggest cars, biggest house, who makes more money, etc. Dads never home, and often times too both parents gone. It's not a state of mind, it DOES take a lot more to survive in CA, which means you work longer to maintain the job you have, because any change of income or loss of work, can just obliterate you financially, because the of the cost of things.

We make 40% less here than we did in Socal, and we are more comfortable financially than we ever were in CA. I've had more time to do the simple things like go out with the family and daughter that I was not able to do, because people here (as is more common in smaller communities across the US) tend to be more similar mentality that family trumps all things.

One can't tell me that I could have done these things before when I would work a dayjob from 7am-6pm in corporate america, and a second job from 6pm -11pm 3 times a week, just to survive, and we were simple people. No big house, no big cars, just what we needed and we were swamped. We were both working just to scrape by.

If I was single and only had myself to worry about I'd LOVE CA....but w/ a family and too many factors other than myself, CA just was not an option anymore.

Your situation sounds a little extreme but it is understandable. And the competitiveness you wrote in your first paragraph is everywhere I think, not just LA or OC. I've seen it in other parts of the country - especially the more affluent areas.

But the spirit of your post sounds right. Once you have a family and need to worry about schools and need square footage, A+ weather becomes negotiable. "Needs" begin to override "wants".