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Old 04-14-2015, 11:50 AM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
922 posts, read 1,100,903 times
Reputation: 3800

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MItoBH View Post
Alimony is akin to a welfare check. It enables and encourages the recipient to not work or marry. I'm female and if I were to get married (which I would like to do one day), I have too much pride to be financial dead weight to my ex-husband. I would have no problem with signing a pre-nup that would protect him financially, but also would not leave me destitute. Some people are just greedy and lazy and want money and wealth at any cost.

Totally agree with this. If my husband and I were to someday divorce (knock on wood, love him to pieces) I wouldn't want to make him destitute because of ME. I'd need him working and making a living in order to help support our children- what kind of mother would I be to financially ruin the father of my children just because our relationship didn't work out? THAT is selfish and all it would show my children is that my self-respect is pretty low and that I'm not willing to support not only myself but THEM, too.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:00 PM
 
3,554 posts, read 4,364,424 times
Reputation: 6230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
I am in favor of alimony reform. Women AND men receiving a constant flow of money for the rest of their spouse's lives does nothing but promote a sense of entitlement and lack of self-sufficiency. My in-laws are going through a divorce right now and my FIL pays my MIL a lot in spousal support each month already. It's funny, after reading this thread I realized something about my MIL- she hasn't gotten a job since she stopped being a nanny to her daughter's children 18 MONTHS AGO. When we all ask her what kind of job she's wanting to get and even helping her with applications, etc, she skirts around it. Now I realize that she doesn't want to get a job in order to keep a larger amount of alimony/spousal support and keep her income at nothing. That is just wrong.

While my FIL was in no way near a good husband- he was a serial cheater- I don't believe that my MIL is entitled to LIFETIME support. She worked off and on throughout their marriage and CHOSE to stay with him in spite of his affairs. My FIL was a louse for not honoring their marriage vows but at the same time, my MIL had plenty of opportunities to leave and have a more peaceful life. She has admitted that she was always scared to really leave him because she was used to his salary and could go buy an outfit whenever she wanted to and shop, etc, not to mention the consistent hope that he would somehow change his ways. Now, apparently, she is being super frugal and "watching her pennies". She was also on the receiving end of a monthly check from her wealthy parents for years but because that money is considered inheritance, it isn't part of their assets. So she has a nice, healthy nest egg to fall back on.

My FIL has told my husband and I that he feels he's being "taken to the cleaners" and all we've told him is to do his research and protect his retirement because we don't want to be responsible for him. He also told us that their divorce will be final by the end of 2015...perhaps he should delay things a bit longer so he has a chance of not having to fork over a huge amount of his salary each month for the rest of his life. My God, so much makes sense now.

In similar fashion, my ex-wife TURNED DOWN full time employment in 2011. I was puzzled by this. I later realized she did this to purposely keep her income low prior to our divorce court appearance. Neither your FIL or anyone else should be kept in perpetual financial slavery for the leisure and comfort of another.

As for your FIL's infidelities, maybe it would be OK for the courts to force him to pay some form of reparations. But, my understanding is that infidelity is not something civilian courts get involved in. If not mistaken, infidelity is still unlawful in Military courts. At least it was during my time in Service decades ago.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:33 PM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
922 posts, read 1,100,903 times
Reputation: 3800
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
In similar fashion, my ex-wife TURNED DOWN full time employment in 2011. I was puzzled by this. I later realized she did this to purposely keep her income low prior to our divorce court appearance. Neither your FIL or anyone else should be kept in perpetual financial slavery for the leisure and comfort of another.

As for your FIL's infidelities, maybe it would be OK for the courts to force him to pay some form of reparations. But, my understanding is that infidelity is not something civilian courts get involved in. If not mistaken, infidelity is still unlawful in Military courts. At least it was during my time in Service decades ago.

Chaco_keva, I really hope that your situation turns out for the better- and by better I mean you not being forced to pay for your ex-wife's lifestyle. You tried to do what was honorable and she twisted it around to suit just herself. Five bucks says she has a few female friends in her social circle who encouraged her to do it.

I honestly don't have much sympathy for my MIL regarding her choice to stay with my FIL through all of his affairs and I don't believe that she is entitled to so much of the money that he earns doing a job that is honestly hard on him. I know that she believes that she DESERVES the money because he cheated on her so much and to be honest, I myself used to believe that when a husband cheated on a wife that she was entitled to "take him to the cleaners". It wasn't until I got married myself and had children that I realized how archaic and selfish it was to expect my husband to support me if we ever got divorced.
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Old 04-14-2015, 05:14 PM
 
Location: So Ca
26,580 posts, read 26,445,339 times
Reputation: 24520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bulldogdad View Post
Half n half split the sheets down the middle and everyone go their separate ways. End of story. That might mean hiring attorneys and forensic accountants to make sure all assets are known.
CA is a no fault, 50/50 state, meaning that all assets are supposed to be split down the middle. And you're right; when the parties aren't honest with their assets, that's what forensic accountants may need to be used.

OTOH, income is not considered an "asset" per se.
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Old 04-14-2015, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Sputnik Planitia
7,823 posts, read 11,711,108 times
Reputation: 9044
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iaskwhy View Post
I would absolute vote to reform alimony. Spouses owe nothing to each other after a divorce.
I agree with you to a certain point. If there are no children involved then absolutely, I don't care what the circumstances, just divide marital assets and move on. Alimony is criminal in a case like this.

However, IF there are children the situation is much more complex since that is a shared obligation. I believe each parent is responsible for upto 100% of not only the direct expenses but the related expenses as well such as support of the custodial parent if that parent is unable to find employment and creating of a safe home for the children regardless if they can live in it or not. If the person did not want this obligation they should not have had children in the first place.

However, I also think custody laws should be reformed to give preference to the parent who can independently provide the best environment for the child not automatically to the woman.

Even with such onerous divorce laws that we have people are very happy in tieing the knot for all the wrong reasons... I have seen ridiculously incompatible couples who are on the way to get married because they are "in love", whatever the F that means!!!
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Old 04-14-2015, 05:19 PM
 
Location: So Ca
26,580 posts, read 26,445,339 times
Reputation: 24520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
I know that she believes that she DESERVES the money because he cheated on her so much and to be honest, I myself used to believe that when a husband cheated on a wife that she was entitled to "take him to the cleaners".
In a no-fault state--there are 17 in the U.S.--infidelity would have no bearing on assets or spousal support.
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:10 PM
 
3,554 posts, read 4,364,424 times
Reputation: 6230
For those in favor of alimony reform, please sign and forward the following petition:

MoveOn Petitions - Alimony Reform
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Fort Liquordale, Florida
242 posts, read 343,803 times
Reputation: 295
The great Actor Burt Reynolds is still suffering financially today from the divorce casualty hell of his x wife Loni Anderson. If Reynolds had married her in Florida, he would had been much better off. California laws go 100% to the woman's favor. California is the worst state for marriage -- know this guys. Anderson is one big reason Reynolds is having money problems today, 20 years after his divorce from Anderson.

Last edited by ebn78; 04-14-2015 at 06:45 PM..
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Fort Liquordale, Florida
242 posts, read 343,803 times
Reputation: 295
Many consider Robin Williams suicide was because of his monthly alimony payments supporting 2 x wives and his current wife. Mr. Williams has stated in numerous interviews how stressed he was the last 5-10 years of his life because of his payout to his x wives. You may google this for more information.

PLEASE Guys, whatever you do, unless your special lady is extremely rich -- DON'T GET MARRIED.
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Old 04-14-2015, 07:19 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,308,419 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
Totally agree with this. If my husband and I were to someday divorce (knock on wood, love him to pieces) I wouldn't want to make him destitute because of ME. I'd need him working and making a living in order to help support our children- what kind of mother would I be to financially ruin the father of my children just because our relationship didn't work out? THAT is selfish and all it would show my children is that my self-respect is pretty low and that I'm not willing to support not only myself but THEM, too.
You'd be a lousy mother, just as my former wife and the mother of my children was. But thankfully you're not and I hope your husband fully appreciates you.

The ex set out to bankrupt me and reduce me to penury when we separated and divorced. She started by emptying the bank accounts. The court awarded her half of my 401(k), half of my pension fund and spousal support on top of four-figure child support for our two minor children. When that wasn't enough for her she spent the next 12 years severely alienating all three of my daughters from me. Those were my "rewards" in California marking the end of a 25-year marriage.

In the end I landed on my feet comfortably while she's the one who ended up destitute after ignoring all advice from everyone and spending like a drunken sailor; with apologies to drunken sailors everywhere. She also ended up alienating herself from four of our five children. I have relationships with all of them.
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