Family threatens to file me as missing person or use the cops on me (Los Angeles: lawyers, house)

[Jehjeh]

Originally Posted by bmw335xi

Unless they sexually molested you or beat you, surely it's not to late to reconcile. The bond between a child and parents should be unconditional. I'm not pretending to know the problems between you and them, I'm just saying unless it was molestation or physical abuse, I don't see any reason to block them since they are trying so hard to get in touch for two years!

Because the parents are emotionally abusive and controlling stalkers? Could be that. Just because the abuse isn't physical/sexual doesn't mean the behavior isn't abusive. The OP has every right to stay away from them. If you're so sure the parents are lovely people, YOU go live with them.

To the OP: If your parents are behaving as you say they are, then they are stalking you. You need to contact the police -- keep every email and communication you get and print them out (make multiple copies) -- and find out about restraining orders. Don't even attempt to reconcile -- stay the hell away. Some parents are screwed up to the point where contact with them is not good. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine -- her parents stalked her across states until she got a restraining order.

You are over 18, so if you want to cut off your parents, you can totally do so. As you've seen, that doesn't necessarily stop them from trying to manipulate you into "giving up." Call the police NOW. Tell them that this is harassing behavior that you think falls into stalking territory, and you want to know about how to protect yourself and stop them from pulling crap like this. Form a very good relationship with the police department so that they know you are okay and living on your own because you want to.

Also look at this Privacy Rights Clearinghouse link: https://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs14-stk.htm

You might want to find out if there is a way to change your name without having to advertise it in a paper (again, ask the police or contact a stalking help line) once you are sure there are no PIs on your trail.

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by 111240

I am a legal adult living by myself away from family for two years. I told them so many times not to talk to me, because even through e-mail, it was a total mindf*ck reading whatever they sent me. So, I told them that I am not using my email address anymore and that that this is my final goodbye. I still check my e-mail once in a while to see if they still send things, and they still do send me e-mail telling me things like "I know you're there". The e-mails are threats of filing me as a missing person, using cops on me to make sure I am okay (even though I already told them many times not to worry about me). Some of you may tell me, "just e-mail them once in a while", but I've done that for a while already and all it leads to is them pressuring me for more, such as send them photos of me (I changed how I look so I really don't want to give up all the effort), my new phone number (they were digging through my old phone's recent call list and calling everyone for my location), my address, and even tell me to come to their house or a different country so they can "totally make sure" that I am okay. Plus, I don't even want to read their e-mails anymore because it's like emotional and mental control through the net and I can feel myself degenerating back into the blabbering, hysterical mess that I used to be back when I was living with my family. I know that my parents aren't bluffing because while I was living in a dorm, adult male strangers were sent to my door. When I was a minor, my mother used to lie to the cops about me doing drugs or meeting strange men online. Money and the cost of investigating isn't a problem for my parents either. My mother used to hire a PI to stalk my dad (paid with money that HE made), so it's totally possible that she would do it on me too. They already sent me another e-mail saying that they're already trying to find me with the help of cops, and that my dad will arrive to California to see the cops (even though I told them that I went to a different state).

They've already been threatening to use private investigators on me since I stopped telling them my location a year ago, telling me that it's "very easy" to find me so that I should 'give up running away already', because "there are cameras all over Los Angeles".. I blocked the electronic access to my SSN so far just in case PI's use those things. I also read horror stories online about people being filed as missing persons and getting arrested for it, such as this. It would be great if I can live my own life and manage my own life like many others did without the chance of getting stalked and sabotaged, but I have financially capable and "deeply caring" (controlling) parents.

What are some ways to stop this? I don't think I can do much about my family hiring PI's, but what safety measures can I take to keep my location untrackeable and safe, and should I talk to the police to let them know what's going on and that I am NOT a missing person, or what?

By the way I am 19, about to turn 20.

Have you ever thought that your family put listening devices or cameras in places that you have lived?

[spotlesseden]

you file a restraining order against them in court.

[bmw335xi]

Originally Posted by Jehjeh

Because the parents are emotionally abusive and controlling stalkers? Could be that. Just because the abuse isn't physical/sexual doesn't mean the behavior isn't abusive. The OP has every right to stay away from them. If you're so sure the parents are lovely people, YOU go live with them.

Pull the MOD CUT and mind your own business. I stated, I'm not pretending to know the problems between them. MOD CUT

OP: Family will be there for you when no one else will. They will love you even if you become deformed or crippled. A lot of people can't say that about their partner's even. I don't know your problems and there are curcumstances where cutting ties is your best option. I'm just saying triple check you are making the best decision.

[1AngryTaxPayer]

Restraining order.

[jhny12]

[/quote] OP: Family will be there for you when no one else will. They will love you even if you become deformed or crippled. A lot of people can't say that about their partner's even. I don't know your problems and there are curcumstances where cutting ties is your best option. I'm just saying triple check you are making the best decision.[/quote]


Sometimes family can treat you worse than anyone else. I know from experience. OP please contact the police & I wish you well

[Snort]

OP: Family will be there for you when no one else will. They will love you even if you become deformed or crippled. A lot of people can't say that about their partner's even. I don't know your problems and there are curcumstances where cutting ties is your best option. I'm just saying triple check you are making the best decision.

bmw, I'm glad you come from a good family. Mine would slit my throat if there was a buck attached to the act.

To those raised in a decent family, you can never know what it's like to be raised in complete dysfunctionality. No family is perfect, but there is such a thing as "good enough parenting". I didn't get it and I don't suppose the OP got it either.

To the OP, just say you'll be happy to meet with any of them in a therapy session. That's like garlic to vampires. And if they do accept that, the therapist will give you important feedback about your family dynamics and ways to overcome a bad childhood.

[bmw335xi]

jhny12 & Snort:

I completely understand there are families that can treat you like dirt and like I said, sometimes cutting ties is the best decision available. However, without knowing the reason the OP wants to cut ties, makes me want to encourage the OP to really think long and hard about his/her decision. It's the same idea behind an 16-20 year old planning to get married. You are still young and possibly not 100% matured yet. There is nothing wrong with saying, triple check your decision. It's like war, cutting ties with your parents should be the last option.

[111240]

Originally Posted by Jehjeh

To the OP: If your parents are behaving as you say they are, then they are stalking you. You need to contact the police -- keep every email and communication you get and print them out (make multiple copies) -- and find out about restraining orders. Don't even attempt to reconcile -- stay the hell away. Some parents are screwed up to the point where contact with them is not good. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine -- her parents stalked her across states until she got a restraining order.

I went to court to file a restraining order on them this Spring, but I have been told that it doesn't matter if I was getting e-mails, phone calls, or people sent after me, as long as the person I am filing against hasn't arrived to the state themselves.
But I never contacted the police before, so perhaps it would be a different story if I told THEM what was going on?

My family members used to hit me and keep me confined in the bedroom back home, a few police reports were filed but nothing big enough to warrant anything because I didn't have any "serious" bruises, just a few cuts (of course, what do I do when I am being lunged at? Just stand there? Of course I will run around and defend myself so I won't get injured!). I don't know if the police back at my old state would still have the files on hand, or whether my explanation/story about my past incidence would do anything for the police here in LA.

[steelstress]

Ask a lawyer to draw up a cease and desist letter, stating not to contact you in any way. Ask the lawyer what it can do for you if they insist on harrassing you. Keep all e-mails and phone records in case you need them later on.