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Old 12-12-2007, 12:42 PM
 
130 posts, read 171,403 times
Reputation: 59

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1.) You’d like to pare down your wardrobe.
If you’re like me, you tend toward the slim size. In California, I could buy clothes that actually fit me. (Size 4) Out here, I have trouble with that. It doesn't seem to sell to well, so the stores don't stock that size. I suspect that all the size 4 people out here live in a nudist colony, and I'm researching it!

2.) You hate the sight of your legs.

Due to temperatures, you will not see your legs *outside* the shower during the winter. It's weird here. My legs haven't seen the light of day since October (we had a warm early Oct). In the winter most folks bundle up, and wear long-johns 24-7. Heat here is too expensive to waste, so everyone keeps the temps down. You will never again have to wonder “Are my knee caps sexy?”

3.) You prefer walking backwards.

That's right, walking backwards. When the wind is whipping at 20 mph, the snow is flying and it's -10 Celsius, you can zip up your coat, pull down your hat, and TRY to get to your destination by walking backwards (you won't get anywhere going forward--the snow hurts at 20 mph).

4.) You have a Bella Lagosi attitude toward Sunlight.

If sunlight causes you to turn to ash, grab your cloak and move the family, because this is the place for you! You won’t see sunlight for at least 6 months out of the year... I “double-dog dare” people to prove that Sunlight exists here, and no one can!

5.) You absolutely hate a sense of Humor.

You don’t have one, and you’d like to be around others just like yourself. You don’t like humorous news casters, belly-laugh greeting cards, people smiling for no particular reason, and you absolutely cannot stand comedy clubs. Take heart! None of that exists here!

6.) You hate your car.

In your quest to destroy that most hated possession—your car—you should consider that the great North East has an over-abundant deer population with a penchant to get “up close and personal” with you, while you’re doing about 55 mph. If, despite Bambi’s attempts to communicate with you, your car is still in one piece, might I suggest “Black Ice.” “Black Ice” is invisible and will allow you to careen into another motorist (thereby assisting that person in their personal car-destruction quest), or perhaps a mail box. The unfortunate side effect of this last option, whereby you have destroyed federal property, is that you are now subject to fines, a felony conviction and imprisonment. I do not recommend the “Black Ice and mailbox” option. If all else fails, have no fear: You can still destroy your car with the help of local agencies which heavily “salt” the main roads on a regular basis. Watch, in amazement, as your car disintegrates into patches of rust and holes, right before your eyes in under a few years!


In closing, I should mention that I used to be a resident of California. My friends and I would watch planes flying AWAY from the airport and yell to the people on the planes: “Leave your credit card numbers!” My male friend would yell “And your daughters too!” As you consider my the above reasons to move, and decide to join us here in the snowy Northeast, look out of the plane window and know that someone down there is waving at your plane…then check to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything… or anyone.



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Old 12-12-2007, 01:17 PM
 
11,715 posts, read 40,320,496 times
Reputation: 7585
I guess you were so proud of your little rant, you had to post it in at least 3 forums.
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Old 12-12-2007, 01:55 PM
 
130 posts, read 171,403 times
Reputation: 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by EscapeCalifornia View Post
I guess you were so proud of your little rant, you had to post it in at least 3 forums.
No, I thought people would appreciate the fact that there are some really nice aspects and things in California... Maybe more than they realised...Definitely more than I realised when I left...and quite a few people find it funny.
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Old 12-12-2007, 01:57 PM
 
60 posts, read 434,907 times
Reputation: 40
I greatly enjoyed the rant. Currently living in the northeast, and getting ready to return to California in two weeks!
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA
32,606 posts, read 77,262,075 times
Reputation: 19071
Quote:
Originally Posted by EscapeCalifornia View Post
I guess you were so proud of your little rant, you had to post it in at least 3 forums.
I never understood why folks who hate the Northeast have to bash it in multiple different forums all the time. Don't we have a horrible enough reputation the way it is? I don't even want to know what folks in CA think of Scranton!
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:11 PM
 
Location: FULCI LIVES!!!(but not in Indiana)
413 posts, read 1,840,795 times
Reputation: 200
Been in Northern Indiana for 31 years and it also sucks pretty bad. The sun came out today for the first time since November...but cant go out and enjoy it because it's only 25 degrees. Kinda like dangling a ham sandwich (no pun intended) in front of a starving man, then tying him to a chair. We've had 7 suicides since autumn started. That's alot in a town of only 50,000. The suicides drop drastically in Spring and Summer, then shoot back up in Fall.

Only 2 1/2 months left of this hell. 3 years in the making and our California "dream" is finally coming true! Nobody can shoot me down, I've already been there, for 31 years!
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,435,175 times
Reputation: 17827
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScrantonWilkesBarre View Post
I never understood why folks who hate the Northeast have to bash it in multiple different forums all the time.
East Coast isn't the only place that gets bashed. This thread is 160 posts long:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/calif...h-already.html

It doesn't help the east coasters' reputation when people are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the 405 behind some guy with an I LOVE NY sticker. Also, due to the east coast centric media, people constantly have to convert television broadcasts to eastern time. I won't even go into the experience at Anaheim or Dodger stadium when an east coast team shows up. Anyone every notice what time the entertainment nominations or awards are held in Los Angeles or Hollywood? Yes, like 530 AM. I wonder why that is.

Last edited by Charles; 12-12-2007 at 02:35 PM..
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:33 PM
 
60 posts, read 434,907 times
Reputation: 40
Though I think it is funny, I don't hate the Northeast in any way. It is a fantastic place - culture, history, architecture, intellectualism, education. But for me personally, I feel pretty miserable with the weather. I know many who are here who do fine with it, and love it here. The rant did hit my funnybone, after two of my friends with young children slipped down their front steps this week when there was black ice!

Last edited by gmkarr; 12-12-2007 at 02:34 PM.. Reason: mistake
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Old 12-12-2007, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Mission Viejo, CA
2,498 posts, read 11,401,617 times
Reputation: 1619
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScrantonWilkesBarre View Post
I don't even want to know what folks in CA think of Scranton!
I think most Californians wouldn't even know where Scranton is or anything about it. I just know it is the city where the Office takes place. I love that show!
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Old 12-12-2007, 08:01 PM
 
130 posts, read 171,403 times
Reputation: 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by gmkarr View Post
I greatly enjoyed the rant. Currently living in the northeast, and getting ready to return to California in two weeks!

Good luck... when you visit the beach, know that the rest of us miss it... Good luck an bon voyage!
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