Why do you want to stay in California? (Pittsburg: fit in, apartment)

[speedoflight]

A person asked as to why there has not been a thread titled, "Why do you want to stay in California?", so here I am starting one.

I can think of many, many reasons as to why people would like to stay in CA. I love CA for the reasons that I will outline using my friends as an example. In my circle of personal and professional friends and they consist of a broad age and socio-economic range, they truly enjoy the "let and let live" attitude for most parts; the anything goes as long as you don't harm me attitude; the general acceptance of a myriad of lifestyles; a more secular lifestyle as opposed to a very in your face religious attitude with churches looming at every corner and people trying to recruit you for church. In the city of SF for example, many, many people who lead an alternative lifestyle and who have been turned away by their own families and communities have found solace, friendship, acceptance and care from others who live in the city. The refuge is also extended to people who have seeked shelter from political oppression and persecution from their home countries. You have no idea how many times I have met men and women who have told me that they were hated, shunned, threatened, mistreated in their home towns and when they came to SF, they found an acceptance they had never knew before. Many learned of their own self-worth as human beings that were never taught to them in a place that has always embraced and redefined what civil rights means. Every year during the holiday season, I often saw people celebrating Thanksgiving or Christmas with friends who became their families and they were all united by their being in a place that has given them a home, warmth and love that they had never knew before in their own home states/cities/towns. CA is far from being a paradise but it has always been a place where many of society's "outcasts" have found a home and then great successes in their lives. SF and LA attract many "misfits", "outcasts" who are some of the most talented people in the world and of whom without, we would be devoid of having the rich visual and performing arts as well as sciences that we enjoy as a country. I have many times struck up conversations with people riding on the MUNI bus in SF and it would turn out that the person is renowned for xxx discovery or has had art shows hung at the Met in NY or was someone who is a political refugee would have been dead for they are wanted for voicing their opinions in their home country. Other than the scenery and the fame, these are very big reasons as to why people from all over the world and country want to come to SF to live. These are also reasons why when some people have moved away, they find themselves wanting to return to CA. The acceptance I have written about here is something not to be taken lightly for as in my discussions with friends who are tinkering with the idea of moving away, some of their main concerns are, "how will my family and I be accepted elsewhere"; "will I be shunned if I did not feel or think the same as the people to where I am thinking of moving to?"; "will I suffer discrimination because I am different in my political or spiritual beliefs", etc. These are extremely valid concerns for I have more than heard enough times when for example a family moves to some place in Utah and they are completely not accepted or their kids don't have the friendship of other children in the neighborhood because they are not Mormons. Or they could go to some place where people are way more concerned if they have a stud in their nose or if their kids have purple hair than who they are inside as human beings.

We have all discussed about CA housing prices, etc and our need to establish a home in a brick/mortar structure. But a home is far more than that. Which is why I believe that if you should want to move away, it needs to be for a bigger reason such as lifestyle; a need to move on to a different phase in your life; concern about retirement. Don't get me wrong, I am not invalidating financial concerns as this is huge. For all the wonderful things that CA has, the biggest pitfall is the cost of housing which is so prohibitive. There's a huge price to pay for much of what I'd outlined in my second paragraph. We pay it in the extremely high rents and home prices. However despite that, there are many, many people who will never leave CA no matter how expensive it gets and even if they had to live in a rented apartment for the rest of their lives for it truly is home in their hearts. And CA will continue to attract droves of people no matter what economic conditions the country is undergoing. This is also one of the factors as to why home prices will always remain very high here (but let's not get into that in this thread).

[Saphyre]

Speedoflight - I couldn't have said it better myself. And you can forget about the "let's not get into that" part. We saw how well that worked out in the other thread j/k

[Need_affordable_home]

you have good reasons why some like CA, especially SF. I will try to fit in when I move to a town or small city in WV or OH. What should I *not* do so I dont get shunned?

[speedoflight]

I don't think there's anything you can do per se to not get shunned because the acceptance of you has to come from the people around you where you do choose to go to. Every city/town/neighborhood has its own cultural attitudes and flavor. Some places are very accepting and some will threaten to burn your house down just because you are different. I know of an Asian couple who lived in a neighborhood in Virginia where they had rocks thrown at their home just because there were "foreigners". You have to work hard at making sure there is good cultural fit between you and the place you want to live at. "Cultural" does not mean music, art, etc. in this context. "Cultural" as in your lifestyle, political/religious beliefs, sexual preference, etc. etc. etc. Housing prices isn't always the thing to look at. A house may be dirt cheap to own in xxx town but if the overarching cultural attitude there doesn't fit you, what difference does it make if it's dirt cheap? You'd be completely miserable and worse, shunned.

Originally Posted by Need_affordable_home

you have good reasons why some like CA, especially SF. I will try to fit in when I move to a town or small city in WV or OH. What should I *not* do so I dont get shunned?

[Donna7]

Speedoflight,the posts that you have written thus far are the best posts I've ever read from you (in my opinion). You touched on many things about making life worthwhile (as it pertains to geographical location); things that money/cost does not define. There's nothing else for me to say; you truly said it all, I agree 100% on what you've said. I hope that we get a lot more good posts on this thread. Take care.

[Thunderbird]

Speedoflight, excellent post and excellent thread I might add!

I actually can't think of what more to say on the subject, and believe me you , that's unusual.

[speedoflight]

Donna7:
All the things I have outlined concerning life in CA that are so very, very dear to me are the reasons why it truly hurts and breaks my heart at times when I realize that although I can buy a house here, it'd cause me so much stress and financial strain that I won't be able to really enjoy my life. There is a great sadness to be had when you have to move away from the place you love, has the values you enjoy and you know you do fit in but because it is very tough to secure a basic thing called a home (in the form of brick/mortar), you have to pack up and go to another place. The discussion about moving away is so common with many professionals here. But at the same time, the dilemmas are so many as well. We all know we can afford to buy a cheaper home elsewhere. The worries come from if we can find a new state/city that can accept us and that we can accept them for all the pros and cons that they have. I think that moving away is sometimes the ultimate test of being "open minded" and "accepting" because it is less about a new community accepting you than of you accepting them and their differences in politics, religion and other social issues.

Originally Posted by Donna7

Speedoflight,the posts that you have written thus far are the best posts I've ever read from you (in my opinion). You touched on many things about making life worthwhile (as it pertains to geographical location); things that money/cost does not define. There's nothing else for me to say; you truly said it all, I agree 100% on what you've said. I hope that we get a lot more good posts on this thread. Take care.

[catpiperx]

Excellent post! Our dilemma whenever we get ready to move is the fact that CA is so accepting. We are an interracial couple w/2 daughters..that is always a concern for us: "Will where we go be a place that accepts us a nice, caring family or will they shun us?"


I am a CA born/bred girl--when I was a teenager my Dad took a law enforcement job in KY(THAT was so hard)I had never lived outside of CA at that point and the experience was complete culture shock!

I've now moved around, but it is usually to areas that we know we will be "ok" and avoid the areas that we "think" might cause our children problems--I don't care what people think of me-but I do care how they think and treat my children.

We are also at a point in our lives that we desperately want a "home". Our little one deserves a yard to play in.............so we shall see what the future holds.

Again, thanks--SF is our FAVORITE city!

[outaPA]

I strongly agree with speedoflight's post. The culture of (Northern) California is the reason why I have chosen that state (and its people) as where I would choose to relocate. Although I do not have an alternative lifestyle, I do want to live within a secular environment and also believe in the credo of "live and let live." I'm a creative person and that fits as well.

The problem in many areas of the country, especially in warmer climates and smaller towns is the strong religious beliefs and those people I have found to be VERY intolerant of any other beliefs but their own. One does get shunned. More rural areas (where housing is cheaper) tend to have a less educated population and less open-minded to differences. They also generally are more bound to tradition and keeping things the way they have always been.

I am concerned about my future housing costs (will be renting), but the trade-off's for quality of life for the type of culture I wish to live in is the price I will have to pay. Although I have not traveled to all the states, from research, I choose California hands down.

[outaPA]

Originally Posted by Need_affordable_home

you have good reasons why some like CA, especially SF. I will try to fit in when I move to a town or small city in WV or OH. What should I *not* do so I dont get shunned?

Need affordable home,
Although I have not lived in Ohio or West Virginia, Pittsburgh is very close cultually to both and I have travelled in both a good bit (also used to live in Florida). Ohio is not the same all over the state, so that varies. Generally speaking, it is conservative, religious, traditional, family-oriented (read= socializing only with family), non-progressive, environmental pollution problems, and depressed economically. WV is all of that but even more so, it is Appalachian culture. You will ALWAYS be considered an outsider.

Sorry, but I wouldn't recommended either of these states. Also, there is very little sun in the general Ohio Valley area. (Like cloudy 80% of the time - really depressing.) Like someone said in another post somewhere, there is a REASON it is cheaper to live in those places. Hopefully you are reading the posts in the Ohio and WV forums and can read overtly and in between the lines the mentality of the posters and their world view. And these are the people who are actually savvy enough to be on the internet.