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With the exception of the self-entitled loon using your hose without permission, I don't see anything wrong with what you described on here. I've never found Californians particularly unfriendly
I agree with this.
As for the sarcasm bit, Californians don't get it or view it negatively. I grew up on the East Coast so I understand you don't mean any harm, but sarcasm actually comes from anger, so it's really not a good vibe to put out. It's just that it's so common on the East Coast it seems like the natural order of things--but not here.
You either come from a very different social culture than what's common in the pseudo-urban suburbs or you yourself may be pretty self-absorbed, maybe even with a chip on your shoulder because:
In the first example, the owner may well have been trying to be helpful by asking if you wanted to know what the views outside were of. As for introductions, you don't need his name because you either already know from doing research on his house as a prospective buyer or you don't need to know because if you have no interest in proceeding with the purchase, you'll never see him again anyway. He probably sees a lot of people visiting his open house.
In the second example, it sounded like you got a matter-of-fact reply that doesn't waste anybody's time. Do you expect everyone to be a spokesperson for ESPN? What exactly did you want from someone who doesn't subscribe to ESPN because they never wanted it?
For the third example, that encounter was just plain oddball from my point of view so at first I would agree that's unfriendly and unwelcome. But then there's your inconsistency: You wanted cozy neighbors who are friendly with each other and now you're protesting that they borrowed your hose for what had to be less than a minute. You didn't mention if you ended up defusing that attitude with a smile and the same verbal engagement that you're seeking.
This is a bogus post. How do you move to a state, but you don't actually live in a certain area? That makes no sense, they're all over the state, so you technically haven't moved any one place? Well where are your belongings?
You don't reside in a state if you're traveling from place to place, you're visiting the state.
OP never visited CA first and picked up on this so called attitude? Odd. Just decides to move here but is traveling around, doesn't make sense. You do that before you move, not after.
No posting history, I suspect it's done by someone on CD who lives in another state who likes to CA bash, logged in under a new name just to stir the pot.
I don't know what you'll discover in the rest of the state where "attitude" is concerned, but you'll certainly learn that the rest of it is NOT like L.A. or San Francisco like so many people assume. Way of life differs radically from one point of the state to another, in every way imaginable.
So True. Most of CA is rural and people are very low key and friendly. City people not so much.
There is a story about a person asking a local if the people in this town were friendly. The local asked the person if he found the people where he lived friendly. The person said no. The local replied then you will not find the people in this town friendly either.
We recently moved to California and are astounded by the attitudes we’ve encountered. We’d like to find a place in the state that is different. But if it is like this in all of the state, we’ll be moving on. Hope you can help us find an un-California attitude in California. Here’s our experience:
In San Diego county we went to an open house and as we were looking out the living room window at the interstate, the haze and the neighbor’s house, the owner came to us and said “Do you know what you’re looking at?” No hello, or my name is....
He obviously thought he had something much more wonderful than he did. Conceited.
We rented a house in San Diego county and asked the owner if we should be getting standard cable channels like ESPN. She said “I don’t know. I don’t watch ESPN.” Clearly if it didn’t matter to her, why would it matter to anyone else. A very self-absorbed person.
While renting a place in Palm Desert, a neighbor decided to help herself to the outdoor hose of our rental. When we checked what was going on she said, “Do you have something to say to me?” No hello or explanation. We consider this very rude.
We found that most people don’t smile or laugh and engaging them in a conversation is difficult. We find these people not only rude, self-absorbed, and arrogant, but shallow and devoid of personality. We sometimes feel that we can reach out and tip them over because they must be made of cardboard with no substance behind them.
We find that people don’t joke around and understand sarcasm. We give it and take it, and we find this fun. Californians look at us with blank stares when we do this. We encountered a transplant from Brooklyn (no, we don’t want to go there) who told us he has the same experiences. He warned us that Californians “don’t get the joke.” It’s true. So far we would find it hard to make friends in any of the places we’ve been.
We are open to trying different places in California, but if the whole state is like this, we’re gone. Suggestions on other places to try would be appreciated.
I'm pretty sure it will be like that everywhere in the state. And in every other state, for that matter. Because everywhere you go, there you'll be.....
Southern Californian's are friendlier than anywhere else in the states.
Most of the west is a bit more "formal". The Northwest is probably the most unfriendly part of the United States.
As somebody noted earlier, sarcasm is pretty much an eastern thing. When we first immigrated to this county we had to live in New Jersey for five years. It was enough to get sarcasm into my speaking style.
That is probably the most common comment I get...."what is it with the sarcasm". AND I try to avoid it, but those young habits are hard to break.
I lived in California for a little over 15 years.
I do like the people there.....now what they did to the state is a different story.
We recently moved to California and are astounded by the attitudes we’ve encountered. We’d like to find a place in the state that is different. But if it is like this in all of the state, we’ll be moving on. Hope you can help us find an un-California attitude in California. Here’s our experience:
Native Californian here,
I don't think that it is beyond reproach for someone to come up and talk to you without formal introduction. We don't generally need to do that, especially if it is just a passing pleasantry or whatnot. In urban Southern CA, freeways are pathways to freedom, if you live near one, it is something to be proud of.
In California, it is okay to not be familiar with everything mainstream. Remember in Bowling for Columbine how Charlton Heston kind of just walked away at the end?
The Palm Desert thing had to be about the drought. Remember siphoning gas from other cars?
By California standards, I am quite sarcastic, and for most people (not just in CA, but worldwide) I am an acquired taste that unintentionally offends people who do not know my humor (hence why I have no friends). That being said, when an East Coast person lays on that thick sarcasm that they are known for, they may as well be speaking French, because I simply just. don't. get. it. Same goes for that Chicago or New York style "blurt out whatever the heck is on your mind whether it offends somebody or not" thing (it would be beyond a Californian to do that).
That's not how we make friends. We make sure (via outward appearances) that you are going to want to know us. If we have the time of day for you, great. If not, too bad for you (we keep exclusive circles). Everybody is a "somebody", whether they really are or not. We really doll ourselves up because deep down we crave your attention, and will go to these great lengths to get it.
I really don't want to resort to you not letting the door....but you are not going to find east coast attitudes/mentalities/types of pleasantries anywhere in California. Not even in San Francisco. I don't know that San Diego/Palm Springs are representative of the state as a whole, but I do think by and large you are more likely to experience more of what you already have instead of the former. Might as well forget about the other western states too (tbh).
In San Diego county we went to an open house and as we were looking out the living room window at the interstate, the haze and the neighbor’s house, the owner came to us and said “Do you know what you’re looking at?” No hello, or my name is.... He obviously thought he had something much more wonderful than he did. Conceited.
We rented a house in San Diego county and asked the owner if we should be getting standard cable channels like ESPN. She said “I don’t know. I don’t watch ESPN.” Clearly if it didn’t matter to her, why would it matter to anyone else. A very self-absorbed person.
We found that most people don’t smile or laugh and engaging them in a conversation is difficult. We find these people not only rude, self-absorbed, and arrogant, but shallow and devoid of personality. We sometimes feel that we can reach out and tip them over because they must be made of cardboard with no substance behind them.
We find that people don’t joke around and understand sarcasm. We give it and take it, and we find this fun. Californians look at us with blank stares when we do this. We encountered a transplant from Brooklyn (no, we don’t want to go there) who told us he has the same experiences. He warned us that Californians “don’t get the joke.” It’s true. So far we would find it hard to make friends in any of the places we’ve been.
We are open to trying different places in California, but if the whole state is like this, we’re gone. Suggestions on other places to try would be appreciated.
OP, how do you know the owner thought he had something more wonderful than he did? Did you respond to his question, and find out what was on his mind? If so, what did he say? You're leaving out the main part of the story. Either that, or there is no more to the story, and you simply made a snap judgment about the guy.
Next example: She's not familiar with ESPN, so how could she possibly advise you?
People not smiling or laughing or being engaging while talking to others doesn't describe the California I know. That's all I can say. As for the sarcasm issue, this is what East Coast transplants comment about. It's not that people on the West Coast don't get it; it's that some consider it rude. Instead of confronting someone on it, they ignore it, as the more polite option.
It's a different culture in that regard, that's all. (Though teenagers everywhere are very into sarcasm. You might be happier socializing with that age group.) You're moving all the way across the country; it's unreasonable to expect the region to be the same as what you're used to at home. If you can't handle that, reconsider your move. There's a sub-forum for questions not state-specific, but general for all states. You could try posting there, for suggestions on what areas might suit you best.
Californians are busy and hurried so there isn't time for formalities. If you can't get to the gist in 30 seconds, it's too long. A person who lingers to talk after checking out at the grocery is most certainly not from California. If you are those type of people, you probably need to consider somewhere in the South. That being said, it's not personal, it's just what happens when you crowd 30+ million people into a very expensive, competitive state where driving is the main past-time.
Also, I've never had problems with sarcasm in California among native English speakers, except older people don't seem as quick on their feet with it.
I moved from Orange County, CA to NW Montana and the people in Montana are far less friendly, happy or energetic, which surprised me but clearly illustrates that sunshine matters a lot.
As for the sarcasm issue, this is what East Coast transplants comment about. It's not that people on the West Coast don't get it; it's that some consider it rude. Instead of confronting someone on it, they ignore it, as the more polite option.
This was my first thought on reading the OP. Not that the people "didn't get it," but that they thought the sarcasm was unfunny. The same way people will deliberately ignore or stare blankly if someone attempts a racial joke, etc.
We recently moved to California and are astounded by the attitudes we’ve encountered. We’d like to find a place in the state that is different. But if it is like this in all of the state, we’ll be moving on. Hope you can help us find an un-California attitude in California. Here’s our experience:
In San Diego county we went to an open house and as we were looking out the living room window at the interstate, the haze and the neighbor’s house, the owner came to us and said “Do you know what you’re looking at?” No hello, or my name is....
He obviously thought he had something much more wonderful than he did. Conceited.
We rented a house in San Diego county and asked the owner if we should be getting standard cable channels like ESPN. She said “I don’t know. I don’t watch ESPN.” Clearly if it didn’t matter to her, why would it matter to anyone else. A very self-absorbed person.
While renting a place in Palm Desert, a neighbor decided to help herself to the outdoor hose of our rental. When we checked what was going on she said, “Do you have something to say to me?” No hello or explanation. We consider this very rude.
We found that most people don’t smile or laugh and engaging them in a conversation is difficult. We find these people not only rude, self-absorbed, and arrogant, but shallow and devoid of personality. We sometimes feel that we can reach out and tip them over because they must be made of cardboard with no substance behind them.
We find that people don’t joke around and understand sarcasm. We give it and take it, and we find this fun. Californians look at us with blank stares when we do this. We encountered a transplant from Brooklyn (no, we don’t want to go there) who told us he has the same experiences. He warned us that Californians “don’t get the joke.” It’s true. So far we would find it hard to make friends in any of the places we’ve been.
We are open to trying different places in California, but if the whole state is like this, we’re gone. Suggestions on other places to try would be appreciated.
Perhaps you give off an unfriendly vibe.
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