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Although I ended up being born in Memphis, Tennessee my family moved back to Chalmette, Louisiana and took me with them so whether I liked it or not (hint: I didn't at all) I ended up growing up in the south. As you may have expected, throughout the entire time I was growing up in the south I dealt with bullying, parental and family abuse, along with being alienated just because I'm different and nothing like a southerner at all. For most of my life, I had thought that everyone and everywhere in the world was like this until I started college and enrolled in the NSE (National Student Exchange Program) studying in Northridge, California for Fall 2012 and Binghamton, New York for Spring 2013 before going back to my best friend's house whom I had met in California for Summer 2013.
While I was in California, I had finally found what I wanted in life which is a place to call home. I had a group of friends I would always hangout with going bar hopping with them, drinking and taking trips to Vegas, cruising around or just hanging around at home playing video games, just always having fun and going through the day doing whatever we needed to do. I had loved California so much that I switched over my driver's license so officially I'm a Californian now. Yet after a combined total of 7 months, unfortunately I had no choice but to go back to Louisiana to finish my college degree since I had trouble finding a decent job without good enough experience or credentials. This time though, I have finally realized and understood the south for what it really is and to be honest I wish I never knew.
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The first part......how would we expect you to have been abused? That is something completely unrelated to wanting to move back to CA or to living in the South, that is another issue entirely and probably one you should talk to someone about and deal with.
As for feeling like you can be anything you want in CA, that is definitely true. I feel that way about CA as well.
I currently live in the South (NC) but am from CA. We are looking to move back. However, I have found many here who are just as different or quirky as I am.
Hang in there and work towards finishing so you can get back to where you want to be.
The first part......how would we expect you to have been abused? That is something completely unrelated to wanting to move back to CA or to living in the South, that is another issue entirely and probably one you should talk to someone about and deal with.
I had felt that some may have already realized that is how people who are different in the south are treated after how an overwhelming majority in this part of the country voted for the current president and seeing how they treat those who oppose him or are against him would have figured it out although I guess not. Unfortunately, I have already seen a therapist several times in relation to this issue and after describing to her how and why I'm treated like this in this area we actually both came to the same conclusion that I need to escape and move back home to California because living here is just too much stress and unnecessary social/family issues that causes too much damage to my overall health. The sessions I have had with her are normally just about coping techniques in order to help me get through this experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckystrike1
I'm homesick for California, too, and could move back. But I really, really don't want to live under it's political atmosphere.
I feel it really is a personal preference to choose to live under a historically liberal state so since it seems that you are against that type of political mindset it probably would be best if you didn't move back. I know throughout the time I was living there I had never even met a single conservative living in the area although I have heard they tend to populate more of the rural northern parts of California instead of the southern parts based on a few political affiliation maps I saw which detailed which parts or counties voted for whom in the last presidential election. To be honest, almost everyone I know in this area has told me several times they couldn't ever handle visiting or living in California because of how different and opposite it is to Louisiana and to be honest I'm actually happy they refuse to go out there because it means less of them I'll have to deal with when I move back home.
I had felt that some may have already realized that is how people who are different in the south are treated after how an overwhelming majority in this part of the country voted for the current president and seeing how they treat those who oppose him or are against him would have figured it out although I guess not. Unfortunately, I have already seen a therapist several times in relation to this issue and after describing to her how and why I'm treated like this in this area we actually both came to the same conclusion that I need to escape and move back home to California because living here is just too much stress and unnecessary social/family issues that causes too much damage to my overall health. The sessions I have had with her are normally just about coping techniques in order to help me get through this experience.
I feel it really is a personal preference to choose to live under a historically liberal state so since it seems that you are against that type of political mindset it probably would be best if you didn't move back. I know throughout the time I was living there I had never even met a single conservative living in the area although I have heard they tend to populate more of the rural northern parts of California instead of the southern parts based on a few political affiliation maps I saw which detailed which parts or counties voted for whom in the last presidential election. To be honest, almost everyone I know in this area has told me several times they couldn't ever handle visiting or living in California because of how different and opposite it is to Louisiana and to be honest I'm actually happy they refuse to go out there because it means less of them I'll have to deal with when I move back home.
First things first. Finish your degree, start looking for jobs in California, make sure you have a solid way to support yourself here.
Then, go back to California.
I'd also suggest that before you come back that you try to visit California again, perhaps a few more times.
Our minds have a funny way of playing tricks on us, especially when we aren't happy with life. Places and people from our past can start to take on a sort of halo effect, and seem -- in our minds -- like they were "perfect."
In reality, no place is perfect.
You are not the same person you were when you temporarily went to school here for 7 months, and neither will California be the same place when you are working rather than a free-spirited college student.
So, go back to California, but go back with realistic expectations. The move likely will make a difference for you, but probably not solve everything that makes you unhappy.
I actually used to live in New York although in the state not the city. I used to live in a town called Binghamton for awhile as part of the NSE program in college although I didn't exactly like it much there either but for completely different reasons compared to here. My experience there was in large part due to the weather, in particular the temperature being below zero and several feet of snow outside for months on end. Then again, I believe part of it was my fault as I ended up going there in the middle of winter which is the worst time of year to go to New York. Also had the misfortune of the majority of students that go to Binghamton University are from Long Island which probably didn't really help much either.
Since it seems like some users who replied to this forum have this idea that I have some drinking problem it is quite the opposite actually. I normally don't drink much, if at all the only reason why I still enjoyed it with the friends I had though is because it was a way to hangout and spend time with them even if it did involve drinking which is something I rarely do often if at all. I'm pretty much unable to go anywhere drinking anyway since around here whenever I tell people I used to drink or go drinking it's just more ammunition for them to bully me and make fun of me because they think I don't look like someone goes drinking. The group of friends I do have in California are still there and I have been keeping in touch with them letting them know what's going on with my life here and my plans for moving back. I actually called my best friend who's still living there a week ago and he actually offered me a job where he works along with a place to live with him to get started.
In some ways, I do agree that New York is similar to California in that both states tend to be known for having a high cost of living. From my experience though, it is possible to find cheap and decent places to live in both states although you either have to have connections or know where to look. For example, in Northern or Southern California you have to look for the small towns in the mountains or in the desert while for the major cities if you don't have connections or a good degree on your side you might as well forget it. It really depends on knowing where to look, it is possible to find cheap and decent places to live although you wouldn't know it if you haven't been there before. I believe it is the same with New York state although I believe it is actually more expensive there since from what I heard from my former classmates there even in Binghamton rent for housing was ludicrous expensive and required several room mates to afford it and thats not even close to New York city its a few hours away by car.
Although I do admit that I did have some unpleasant experiences with not so great human beings when I was in California, they were nowhere near as bad as the nightmarish experiences I have with locals in Louisiana on a daily basis. I think I remember hearing about or reading somewhere that Los Angeles called the locals in New Orleans a bunch of ***holes and after being stuck living around New Orleans for 25 years of my life that statement is surprisingly accurate. The reason why you may not experience or see the side of this place that I have pretty much depends on how well you fit in here as you have to be a certain type of person to fit in here. If you end up having the same opinions and beliefs on religion and politics along with the same interests and similar appearance then you'll probably never have the entire list of problems I have with Louisiana. However, if you're the complete opposite or too different from them then your life will be a complete nightmare until you can find a way to escape to another state that suits you.
This isn't just coming from me either, even my former classmates at CSUN (California State University, Northridge) told me when hanging out with them that you can really be whomever you want to be in California while in southern states like Louisiana you have to be a certain type of person to enjoy living there. In particular if you're a guy in Louisiana you have to:
1.) be a christian (I'm agonstic so I believe in science)
2.)have short hair (I have long ash blond hair to my waist)
3.)be obsessed with saints/lsu football as if your life depends on it
(I could care less about football)
4.) in high school and college you have to be on a sports team or fraternity (again, I could care less)
5.)love guns and go hunting or fishing (although I do love guns, I was never invited to going fishing or hunting because I'm too different)
6.) live off of shrimp/crab/seafood in general (Tried seafood like this a few times before and thought it tasted disgusting)
7.) tailgating everyone on the highway for not going double the speed limit like you are (I'm used to following the speed limit because speeding in California is a $300+ fine)
8.) be in love with muscle cars and pickup trucks because the bigger your car/truck is the bigger your **** is (I love japanese cars)
9.) pretending to be nice to people you dont like then complain about them behind their back because you were taught it's good manners (if I have a problem with someone, I tell them directly in order to help work towards a solution)
10.) lie to someone you consider your friend because you're afraid of hurting their feelings (again, i dont waste my time lying to people because it just makes my life easier when I'm honest)
And another one just as a bonus, never follow the golden rule of treating others how they treat you here if they're making you miserable because how DARE you make someone miserable that loves to take advantage of you and make you miserable.
The list goes on and on but that's the main kind of guy you have to be in order to enjoy living here. To put this into perspective, I am the pretty much the opposite of everything I just listed and because I am so different from these people my life feels like I'm trapped in a maximum security prison being isolated from the outside world while carving out my escape when the guards aren't looking. A single answer of no to any one of the 10 commandments of living in the south means if you're looking for a new place to live then you should probably look somewhere else.
New york is definitely more expensive. And I don't know about Ca, but the smaller land area overall makes things more condensed and expensive. Space and even driving to an extent becomes a luxury. I'm actually looking to move into neighboring states for various reasons, but for a few years I figure I'll stay put in this region until I'm really stable enough to move elsewhere.
Those things you listed about the south are definitely true. Well, at least in Louisiana there's gumbo and Cajun chicken lol.
I had felt that some may have already realized that is how people who are different in the south are treated after how an overwhelming majority in this part of the country voted for the current president and seeing how they treat those who oppose him or are against him would have figured it out although I guess not. Unfortunately, I have already seen a therapist several times in relation to this issue and after describing to her how and why I'm treated like this in this area we actually both came to the same conclusion that I need to escape and move back home to California because living here is just too much stress and unnecessary social/family issues that causes too much damage to my overall health. The sessions I have had with her are normally just about coping techniques in order to help me get through this experience.
I feel it really is a personal preference to choose to live under a historically liberal state so since it seems that you are against that type of political mindset it probably would be best if you didn't move back. I know throughout the time I was living there I had never even met a single conservative living in the area although I have heard they tend to populate more of the rural northern parts of California instead of the southern parts based on a few political affiliation maps I saw which detailed which parts or counties voted for whom in the last presidential election. To be honest, almost everyone I know in this area has told me several times they couldn't ever handle visiting or living in California because of how different and opposite it is to Louisiana and to be honest I'm actually happy they refuse to go out there because it means less of them I'll have to deal with when I move back home.
Ok, but 38% of your state voted for Hillary and 4% voted "other" so surely you can find some of that 42% who did NOT vote for Trump and hang out with them?
First things first. Finish your degree, start looking for jobs in California, make sure you have a solid way to support yourself here.
Then, go back to California.
I'd also suggest that before you come back that you try to visit California again, perhaps a few more times.
Our minds have a funny way of playing tricks on us, especially when we aren't happy with life. Places and people from our past can start to take on a sort of halo effect, and seem -- in our minds -- like they were "perfect."
In reality, no place is perfect.
You are not the same person you were when you temporarily went to school here for 7 months, and neither will California be the same place when you are working rather than a free-spirited college student.
So, go back to California, but go back with realistic expectations. The move likely will make a difference for you, but probably not solve everything that makes you unhappy.
Where ever you go, there you still will be.
Good luck!
Rosie, too soon to rep you again so
OP, there is very sage advice in every word of this post.
A bit late to the party, but I am from CA and have been living in upstate NY for the past 26 years. Right now about an hour west of Binghamton. Wasn't my choice to be here, just how the course of my parents' divorce went when I was a teenager. Went to college here, met my New Yorker wife here, have a house and careers here. I'm not always keen on the area (WTF is snow anyway, it's from another planet) and get really homesick sometimes, for the diversity, fusion cultures, forward-thinking, and the sheer beauty of the state. Here it's featurelessly white, then featurelessly brown, then a wall of green, then brown and white again. (I suppose I shouldn't knock the fall colors, but they're not what they used to be due to rising temperatures.) Then again, there are things about California that I don't miss, including the real loopy liberal stuff that even I, a liberal, can't get behind. (BTW, anyone who doesn't like the liberal coastal mindset is welcome to move inland which is as red as anywhere. Devin Nunes represents a CA district.) But I try to get back for a week every year in the winter, and am counting the years, months, days, and hours before we can retire and move back. Yes, it's more expensive than the Southern Tier of New York, but I think on the balance it's worth the extra money.
First things first. Finish your degree, start looking for jobs in California, make sure you have a solid way to support yourself here.
Then, go back to California.
I'd also suggest that before you come back that you try to visit California again, perhaps a few more times.
Our minds have a funny way of playing tricks on us, especially when we aren't happy with life. Places and people from our past can start to take on a sort of halo effect, and seem -- in our minds -- like they were "perfect."
In reality, no place is perfect.
You are not the same person you were when you temporarily went to school here for 7 months, and neither will California be the same place when you are working rather than a free-spirited college student.
So, go back to California, but go back with realistic expectations. The move likely will make a difference for you, but probably not solve everything that makes you unhappy.
Where ever you go, there you still will be.
Good luck!
Yes, that is part of what MattH122790 needs to consider and do.
Not me.
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