Is California one of the worst states to raise kids? (Victorville: renting, public school)
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yes they may say it every generation city boy but it happens every generation. and it's not running from it. my family is very active in trying to stop what is happening in our town and it is working. but when you couple everything together. economy, air quality, etc it's not worth living here. i love cali. but i think i love the idea of cali more then the state itself right now. just my opinion in my town. =)
I am a 3rd generation California native with 2 daughters. We sent our oldest to boarding school in the east and we are currently in the process of relocating the rest of the family back east as well. Trust me when I say that this was not an easy choice to make. I love CA, but in my opinion it is time to go. I could ramble on for the variety of reasons that influenced our decision, but as this question is about raising children here, I will just speak to that.
We have found over time that CA is a harsh place to raise kids, although we are white and do have money. I can see where people think that makes everything ok, as that seems to be the key to success, at least according to previous posts, but frankly those two criteria are not the magic key for us. You know why? - because let's admit it, it sure doesn't hurt - because basic lack of civility, manners and core values transcend color and economic status.
I am tired of the focus on looks and money as the measure of success for my girls. I do not want them to think that how skinny they are, what kind of car they drive, how much money their dad makes and where we live are some kind of litmus test for who they are. I hate the lack of focus on education, real education mind you, not the teach to the test kind that leaves no child behind. I do not think reading People magazine and being able to name Brad and Angelina's should pass for being well-read. I do not think seeing Pineapple Express takes the place of real culture.
I am tired of the kids here thinking they are my equal, calling me by my first name without invitation, giving what I am wearing the once over and failing to use even the most basic manners. I am perplexed at the kid centered family that has sort of taken over, where every need is met without question. You want a new car? Here you go. More clothes and shoes and bags and.....no problem. You don't want to get a job scooping ice cream? It's ok, I don't expect you to. I think the lack of personal responsibility has made monsters out of the kids I know, and I just cannot have my children surrounded by that any more. Their friends are spoiled snots, and the parents are worse.
That could be anywhere USA, you say? I realize that, honestly I do. BUT, I will say that in the 8 years we have been going back and forth to the east coast, and particularly since my daughter started school there 2 years ago, it is like a return to the old fashioned values and civilities that I remember being raised with. And not just at her prep school either, where one could claim money and "whiteness" as reasons. I am talking about the teenager who holds the door open for me at the Dunkin Donuts, the kids in the movie theater who say excuse me when they need to get by, the girls who are "regular" size and not wearing gobs of make up and driving a BMW.
I don't know what happened to CA, and this is an issue we can't blame on immigration (although we can blame lot's of other issues on that). Maybe it is because it is an industry town, maybe it is media driven, who knows. In many ways I blame the parents, boomers who are still trying to look young themselves who want to be friends with their kids at all costs and somewhere along the way forgot to teach their kids how to be good people instead of self involved Starbuck's drinking idiots.
So can you raise your children here? Sure you can, and good luck to you..you will need it. I, however, am not buying it anymore, and will not be.
Very well said. This is the way I see it. Regardless of how I raise my child, no doubt they will be surrounded by bad manners and no morals. I can't have that, so we are in the process of researching to move within the next few years.
I was born and raised in Indiana, the heart of the midwest charm, then moved to Chicago suburbs and then on to California.
I can say, without a doubt, that California is nowhere NEAR the quality of education for children. In Indiana, each child gets a laptop to take home from school, they actually learn things. Since moving to California (Benicia), my daughter was put into the gifted program because she was so "advanced" compared to other children here.....she wasn't "advanced" in Indiana OR Illinois...she was average.
She says that many of the children here are "aggressive" (her words...an 11 year old) and "ruthless".
Mind you, we live in BENICIA...one of the BEST school programs in California.
I could never think of moving my children to a lower level school. We have to struggle to be able to stay in Benicia, but there is nowhere else in the area that offers the education system that is required.
To the person that says that most "high" tested schools are mainly asian...check out Benicia, it's the perfect place in northern california to raise your children....and it's not "mainly asian".
My daughter has been picked on, abused, a girl beat her up after school...and that's all in BENICIA, the "best of best" in schools..I would hate to see what it's like in a poorer area, with not such great schools.
Very well said. This is the way I see it. Regardless of how I raise my child, no doubt they will be surrounded by bad manners and no morals. I can't have that, so we are in the process of researching to move within the next few years.
I agree. The first time I took my husband (a california native) home to Indiana, he was shocked to see the people on Sunday morning in dress clothes, and he was floored by the amount of young men and women he seen opening doors for women, using basic manners, and knowing how to behave.
You do not see those things here...We have lived here for 4 years, and I still have culture shock. People here are pretty selfish, and most do not have manners at all. I still take it personally in the grocery store, etc. It's difficult not to.
Just curious, what is the "idea of cali"fornia? What is California supposed to represent?
alot of my out of state friends think it's awesome i live in cali. that it must be wonderful and full of adventure and sunshine and beautiful ppl everywhere. they basically think of the hollywood scene when they think california. as does many others. they think it's an idealic place to live and raise your family.
but when you get here you realize it's nothing like you thought it would be. it's a tough state to live in if you weren't born and raised here. i agree with tracydr. it's a very aggressive state. i live between two of the highest crime citys. and it's not LA.
california also has its awesome points. dont get me wrong. but i think it's a better place to visit then to live.
I agree. The first time I took my husband (a california native) home to Indiana, he was shocked to see the people on Sunday morning in dress clothes, and he was floored by the amount of young men and women he seen opening doors for women, using basic manners, and knowing how to behave.
You do not see those things here...We have lived here for 4 years, and I still have culture shock. People here are pretty selfish, and most do not have manners at all. I still take it personally in the grocery store, etc. It's difficult not to.
go back then
buncha whiners because people arent kissing each others you know whats
She says that many of the children here are "aggressive" (her words...an 11 year old) and "ruthless".
To the person that says that most "high" tested schools are mainly asian...check out Benicia, it's the perfect place in northern california to raise your children....and it's not "mainly asian".
My daughter has been picked on, abused, a girl beat her up after school...and that's all in BENICIA, the "best of best" in schools..I would hate to see what it's like in a poorer area, with not such great schools.
Kids in general are jerks, they become bigger jerks when they get to middle school. Go east, they will be jerks there as well in areas that have the best schools in the nation. The education on the eastern seaboard is better, but for entirely different reasons.
The attitudes regarding money are also in eastern cities, it's just how it is. I knew plenty of people in college whose parents were loaded that had attitudes that were far worse than what I've seen in San Diego. If I gave some anecdotes, I wouldn't blame anyone if they didn't believe me. It's just how people that have a lot of money operate, there may just be more of those people in your social circle.
If you're floored by people wearing dress clothes on Sundays, etc. then you are right to move to the south or the midwest. California isn't traditional, whether you view that as a negative or a positive is a personal thing. My sister-in-law's grandmother has never pumped her own gas, instead having her husband do it for her. I view that as incredibly weird, but she's from the south, so that's just her way.
Also, to those talking about cultural issues; in the exurbs which are all over CA, there is going to be zero culture. It's like that in Texas as well, but people don't seem to mind because housing is so cheap. Although our definitions of culture may be completely different, so who knows.
That said, I probably wouldn't raise kids out here, but that's due to monetary issues.
I don't understand why people want kids in California anyway. I don't see how anyone could put up with little brats these days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinkieMcGee
Kids in general are jerks, they become bigger jerks when they get to middle school. Go east, they will be jerks there as well in areas that have the best schools in the nation. The education on the eastern seaboard is better, but for entirely different reasons.
The attitudes regarding money are also in eastern cities, it's just how it is. I knew plenty of people in college whose parents were loaded that had attitudes that were far worse than what I've seen in San Diego. If I gave some anecdotes, I wouldn't blame anyone if they didn't believe me. It's just how people that have a lot of money operate, there may just be more of those people in your social circle.
If you're floored by people wearing dress clothes on Sundays, etc. then you are right to move to the south or the midwest. California isn't traditional, whether you view that as a negative or a positive is a personal thing. My sister-in-law's grandmother has never pumped her own gas, instead having her husband do it for her. I view that as incredibly weird, but she's from the south, so that's just her way.
Also, to those talking about cultural issues; in the exurbs which are all over CA, there is going to be zero culture. It's like that in Texas as well, but people don't seem to mind because housing is so cheap. Although our definitions of culture may be completely different, so who knows.
That said, I probably wouldn't raise kids out here, but that's due to monetary issues.
I don't understand why people want kids in California anyway. I don't see how anyone could put up with little brats these days.
I don't really have anything against children so I'm not going that far, but to expect kids (or people) to not be brutal with eachother in absolutely any society is like ignoring thousands of years of human history. They do become cool when they're older if the parents don't screw up too badly.
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