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Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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I guess I'll give my two cents, too.
From the little information we have, my opinion would be to remain in San Diego where there is help with childcare, when needed. Also, her parents seem supportive, even if her husband isn't keen on them or the situation.
San Diego is a major city in this nation, so I don't understand the lack of not working there. Certainly there are more job opportunities in SD than in Plumas County! There are also federal jobs that could be had because of the Naval Base there (USAJOBS - The Federal Government's Official Jobs Site) and one can look for new postings each week (working as a civilian).
With two young children, it might be easier to, perhaps, get into a Physician's Assistant program (I think they have one at SDSU). That way, you will still get paid a very good salary, but the schooling is less, there are many job opportunities, and you would still be doing many of the same jobs as an M.D., and that might be very satisfying.
Maybe you just chose the wrong partner as a husband. No one knows your personal situation, nor how you interact, but based on what you said, if you are ambitious enough to plunge into a heavy school load to benefit your family down-the-road, then it sounds like you are the one thinking about your family more. Your husband may be the kind of guy who wants to go home to someplace familiar, and in Plumas County there isn't a lot to do, so maybe it was easier for him there.
The reality is, you are now married with a second child on the way, and if he does not have a higher education (I don't recall if you said if he did or not), then maybe he might consider going to college, or if not, then at least getting a job in San Diego. There certainly could be worse places to be than SD. If you didn't have children, then you could more easily pack up yourselves and go to Plumas with no job prospects. Since your situation involves four people in your family, it sounds more logical to re-set your medical career goals, go for something that is still high-paying, quicker, and then if you want to enter medical school later, it will be easier.
Being married, with kids, going to school, and depending on family can be hard. Good luck to you!
Alot of good posts on here. Like most people said on here, this is the time that you need the support system the most. And some poster mentioned that you are young and still the stamina to go to school while being a mom, and that's true.
I would like to add that after medical school, jobs can be had anywhere in the country, even in Plumas County. Physicians have the most stable jobs and will always be in demand. You can easily pay your medical school debt with the kind of money doctors make.
A piece of paper is not worth your life. Yes, some marriages are worth working out and some are NOT. Especially, when you are still fairly young, this is your life, you only live it ONCE. Witnessing a sad mother or parents who fight continuously is much WORSE than having divorced parents, trust me on that. From what the OP said, her husband doesn't help her out at all, doesn't have a job, is putting his fantasy dreams above his wife and his OWN DAUGHTER! The fact he hints he will do it with or without his family shows his lack of concern. Remember this is your life, you brought a child into this world, look out for what's best for your child and yourself.
yes i agree somewhat and he is being selfish-but we dont know her or her life so we cant say he doesnt care about her or their daughter. also that is why divorce is so rampant today people dont view marriage as anything more than just a piece of paper, and if it dont work we will get out. imo, i dont agree with that attitude. i do know that sometimes divorce is the only thing you can do to save your self and children. its her life and we are just here to give her our opinions.
yes i agree somewhat and he is being selfish-but we dont know her or her life so we cant say he doesnt care about her or their daughter. also that is why divorce is so rampant today people dont view marriage as anything more than just a piece of paper, and if it dont work we will get out. imo, i dont agree with that attitude. i do know that sometimes divorce is the only thing you can do to save your self and children. its her life and we are just here to give her our opinions.
That's why I said based off the information she provided, this is what I believe.
I will try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I live in San Diego right now. I have lived here my entire life, he has lived here for 4 years. We have been together for 2 years. We have a 1 yr old son and a baby due in March. He wants to move to Plumas County in Norther CA soon after the baby is born. I do not. I am currently in school working on my pre-med requirements I will be done in two years. I just recently decided to go to medical school. I was studying psychology and have my BA in Psych. My husband says that I can go to school up there at Reno or Chico and doesn't think I should go to medical school. He is miserable here. He has been unemployed for 6 months and makes little effort to find a job. He helps out only a little. We live in a studio in the back of my parents house and don't pay rent. He hates it. He is not fond of my family, even though they do so much for us. They buy our son everything he could possibly need and have offered to help pay for my husbands schooling.
I don't know what to do. He is saying he might just leave not matter what, even if I don't go. He says its unfair to make him stay here and that I should compromise. I told him if I could just finish my pre med requirements I would look into going to medical school close (not in) Plumas county (like Davis, CA). He says no he doesn't want to wait 2 years to not move there. It has to be Plumas county it can't be any where else either. I am not sure what to do. I want to finish my education so that I can provide a good life for my children and so that I can have a job that I enjoy doing, but I don't want to be a single mom either.
Any suggestions are welcome....even if you tell me I am being selfish and unreasonable.
Oh and my other concern would be going to medical school in a place with no support...my family helps out a lot right now including financially.
I think finding the solution to this problem is not going to be easy. And, once one is found following it will leave one or both partners unhappy to a certain degree. From your post, I figure that your husband (as others have stated) is feeling depressed and resentful due to his unemployment, dependency on your family, and inability to provide for you. It also doesn't help that he is in an environment that is different from where he was raised. So he's probably looking at the current situation as a win-win for you and a lose-lose for him.
The solution is find a way to turn some of his losses into wins. Unfortunately, at this juncture in your lives, I don't see how you could do that without turning some of your wins into losses. Moving as he wants is going to compromise your career goal of becoming a doctor. The two places he cited where you could go to school are far away. Curious, I looked it up and the largest town in Plumas County is Portola. I don't know if you would be living there but if you were to go to school in Reno that would be a nearly 50 mile drive one way while Chico would be a 117 mile drive one way. I suppose you could live on campus but then what would be the impact on your young children? Then you have to figure the quality of the schools there and whether that would impact your career.
Moving as he wants is also going to compromise your budget. You're working now and your parents have been graciously assisting the both of you. When you move, part of that support (free housing and child care) will disappear and would count as 'losses' for both if his parents don't pick up where your's left off. Although, if you found a place, that could constitute a 'win' for both of you because now you'd have a place to call your own.
Heading north, you're going to have to hope both he and you will find jobs - and hope that they pay well enough. If not, 'losses' for both you and him. In this economy leaving a job without having another lined-up is unwise and finding one might be a little too optomistic. Another 'loss' in your column will be the interaction that you have with your family - it will be severely diminished. The 'wins' in his column will be his increased interaction with his family and the return to his old surroundings.
The fact that you are planning to go to medical school and whether doing so with a young family is (un)wise is not central to the core problem. Your ambition to be a doctor is a weak diversion because if that were the real problem, he would not have suggested going to school in Chico or Reno. Actually, your career choice, in my opinion, is irrelevant. Quitting now would not solve his issues because he doesn't want to be here and that would not help him find a job. Nor would it decrease your collective dependency on your parents. I would not call quitting school now a 'loss' for the current situation but it is definitely a 'loss' for the future due to lower potential financial earnings, the regret of abandoning a goal, etc.
The fact that he gave you an ultimatum suggests to me that he's desperate. He's lost here (literally and figuratively) and he's looking for ground he knows and that's in Plumas County. My first reaction was that he's a punk but then I realized that everyone is down from time to time and he's probably feeling really low. It would make me feel low. It's probably making you feel low, too. Another initial reaction I had was to suggest getting a divorce. But after really thinking about that, I've concluded that the last thing you, him, and your young family needs is for someone to resort to the what I consider the "nuclear bomb" option. Stand by him.
Quincy's bigger than Portola. It's the county seat, too. Portola's closer to Reno, but I think his hometown is Quincy. Portola might be a compromise IF they agreed to move.
Admission into med schools is very competitive. I applaud you for your goal but be pragmatic and have back up plans in case med school doesn't work out.
California schools are very selective and only the most qualified applicants (not saying that you aren't) can write a ticket to their school of choice (e.g. UC Davis). Again, not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but getting into med school is not trivial and may require the willingness to go anywhere you can gain admission. Best of luck to your future.
I am a true believer in marriage and children come first before anything else. First, I would try to move out of your parents place and ask him to give you two more years to finish pre-med, then, if he is still unhappy, you will agree to move. Talk to him, try to bargain and strike an agreement. I absolutely hate southern CA, but I live here to make my husband happy and to be with our children. I make sacrifices for them. I rather move out of state, but when you have your own company, that is easier said than done. GL
Tell him to go and get a job and when he's settled he can send for you. It will work or it won't but it's often easier to do this without a wife and kids in tow. The job market is challenging everywhere.
I will try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I live in San Diego right now. I have lived here my entire life, he has lived here for 4 years. We have been together for 2 years. We have a 1 yr old son and a baby due in March. He wants to move to Plumas County in Norther CA soon after the baby is born. I do not. I am currently in school working on my pre-med requirements I will be done in two years. I just recently decided to go to medical school. I was studying psychology and have my BA in Psych. My husband says that I can go to school up there at Reno or Chico and doesn't think I should go to medical school. He is miserable here. He has been unemployed for 6 months and makes little effort to find a job. He helps out only a little. We live in a studio in the back of my parents house and don't pay rent. He hates it. He is not fond of my family, even though they do so much for us. They buy our son everything he could possibly need and have offered to help pay for my husbands schooling.
I don't know what to do. He is saying he might just leave not matter what, even if I don't go. He says its unfair to make him stay here and that I should compromise. I told him if I could just finish my pre med requirements I would look into going to medical school close (not in) Plumas county (like Davis, CA). He says no he doesn't want to wait 2 years to not move there. It has to be Plumas county it can't be any where else either. I am not sure what to do. I want to finish my education so that I can provide a good life for my children and so that I can have a job that I enjoy doing, but I don't want to be a single mom either.
Any suggestions are welcome....even if you tell me I am being selfish and unreasonable.
Oh and my other concern would be going to medical school in a place with no support...my family helps out a lot right now including financially.
Please don't allow your husband to squash you dreams of becoming a doctor. My ex husband wouldn't "allow" me to go to law school - after I had graduated college and was ready to start school. I had to wait until after I divorced that clown to go to law school. I missed out on several years I could have been productive - all because he had a hang up about someone being more brainy than him and making more money than him.
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