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It sounds like you have chosen Los Angeles over your boyfriend. If living in So California is what is important to you and you realize how much money it will take to live there, plus there will be only one income, good luck, you will need it. I just hope it is like you remember..
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we both know we want to be with each other and get married someday, start a family, etc.
We split up in 2006 when I moved to San Diego for a job transfer, and a change of scenery. I moved back 6 months later because it was too difficult to be away from him, and we got back together.
I think about moving back ALL THE TIME. It's one of those gut feelings, it's where my heart wants to be. We live in New England, and he has the very typical New England mentality of never wanting to leave the area. He would be perfectly happily living in our hometown that he's lived in his entire life, but that to me is just so boring! I crave new adventures and love the lifestyle that living in California (can) afford.
Any ideas on how to break my man out of his stubbornness?
I would only strongly consider a move if i was able to get a decent job, or, keep the one i have and work virtual (which is possible), so I wouldn't do this on a whim, I would want to feel certain I could be financially stable, but ugh... I miss it.
Thoughts/similar stories?/etc? Would love to hear them.
You can't change him...decide what you want in life...there are plenty of other guys out there...
It's not about whether you are choosing California or your boy friend.
It's about choosing what YOU want.
I know I couldn't live in one place my whole life, I wouldn't be happy, I would regret it when I'm old and about to die.
If my girl friend refused to move or travel, I would break up because my life and the experiences I want from it are more important to me.
Don't try to change him and don't think he is being stubborn or you are being stubborn.
You can ask for a compromise, "let's move there for a couple of years and we can always move back afterwards".
You're going to make many choices in your life that will change your future completely.
I've lived in 2 countries, 8 cities, and 4 states...if I never moved, my life would be completely different...my friends, my views on life and issues, memories, even my personality and I'm only 22 years old.
I plan to continue this journey because I have met so many great and interesting people.
The world is much smaller than it seems and staying in contact is much easier today.
I have been in a long distance relationship for over two years and after I graduate I don't plan on living in the same area as my girl friend.
I want to continue traveling and living in different cities, if he or she truly loves you, they will deal with it and honestly it isn't that bad.
A ticket from California to the East Coast is $200-$300 most of the year.
Last edited by Jonotastic; 11-03-2009 at 03:51 PM..
I really truly appreciate all of your advice and stories!
I can see that we are BOTH being stubborn in different ways. But on the other hand, I feel like I am at least willing to open up my life to new adventures and new chapters, and he'd rather be content with the same life he has now, for his whole life.
I have felt a 'pull' to the area since I was a pre-teen. And yes, since I've lived there before, I know it's a lot different than just visiting, but I really did love it. Living in downtown, I walked EVERYWHERE, and only took a car if I needed one. I'd go to the beach in February on one of those rare warm days. And yet there's still so much I haven't even explored or experienced, and I still want to.
By you moving to California that doesn't make you a selfish or bad person. There are people who are fine with living in the same town their entire life, socializing with the same friends their entire life, going to the same restaurants their entire life, going to the same place for vacation their entire life etc....while others want to experience new things and live life completely different. I'm one of those people. This isn't a small part of a person's personality, which is why you really need to decide what you want, don't let your friends, your boy friend, your family, me or any other person decide for you. You aren't being selfish or stubborn with whatever decision you make. Sometimes you can love a person, but unless you are completely happy with your life and the direction it's headed, what's the point...like I said you can always communicate in today's world with loved ones and friends, I've been doing it my entire life.
News Flash most people do not like moving to new places. Most of my extended family can't even imagine moving to another city in the same state. Its like if you move you have to start from scratch. all the friendships you have developed and relationships will be gone once you move. You can always create new ones but in the end you will end up in the same situation and you'll just probably want to move again to somewhere else. You might be better off just having a vacation spot, go to the same place many times so that way you get to feel like you are away from your hometown. Or get a job that will make you travel. Sounds like you want to be nomadic.
I know it will take a compromise, and maybe if I traveled there every year it would be enough for me... not sure though.
You will not be traveling there every year if you plan to have children. It would no longer be about you but about the family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by boardwalkdream9
Has anyone else maybe been in a position where they got offered a job somewhere else, and their other half wasn't completely invested at first in the idea, and then over time grew to love the new area?
I moved to California because of my dh job and I hate being so far away from family. The place is OK but it doesn't make up for the lack of family for me. I can't wait to move back east.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xcalgal
When you have kids, you will realize how important family is to have nearby. I love California but raising them away from family gets very tedious when you need to fly back for holidays (instead of going someplace new for fun and adventure). Also, family babysitters are a godsend.
I agree. We do not trust strangers with our children so we only go on date night when we have a relative visiting. About twice a year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by boardwalkdream9
I can see that we are BOTH being stubborn in different ways. But on the other hand, I feel like I am at least willing to open up my life to new adventures and new chapters, and he'd rather be content with the same life he has now, for his whole life.
Sounds to me like you think your way is better than his. But you know he will probably be happier in his life because he is not a dreamer. Because reality is never as good as dreams.
Quote:
Originally Posted by boardwalkdream9
I have felt a 'pull' to the area since I was a pre-teen. And yes, since I've lived there before, I know it's a lot different than just visiting, but I really did love it. Living in downtown, I walked EVERYWHERE, and only took a car if I needed one. I'd go to the beach in February on one of those rare warm days. And yet there's still so much I haven't even explored or experienced, and I still want to.
Ah but if you had children you wouldn't want to live downtown. You would want to live where the better schools are at. I've never experienced LA traffic but I heard it is bad.
BTW you can walk everywhere if you live in NYC too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pv1-ready
Its like if you move you have to start from scratch. all the friendships you have developed and relationships will be gone once you move. You can always create new ones but in the end you will end up in the same situation and you'll just probably want to move again to somewhere else.
All true and after several moves you just give up and don't try to make any friends at all.
OP, you are young and you should move away and have your adventure for a couple of years. If after that time you want to come back then you will value what you have more. If you stay you are going to make you both miserable. What ever you decide please do not have children until you are certain that you are with someone that wants the same out of life than you do. You do not want your children to live through a divorce. It is not fun.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we both know we want to be with each other and get married someday, start a family, etc.
We split up in 2006 when I moved to San Diego for a job transfer, and a change of scenery. I moved back 6 months later because it was too difficult to be away from him, and we got back together.
I think about moving back ALL THE TIME. It's one of those gut feelings, it's where my heart wants to be. We live in New England, and he has the very typical New England mentality of never wanting to leave the area. He would be perfectly happily living in our hometown that he's lived in his entire life, but that to me is just so boring! I crave new adventures and love the lifestyle that living in California (can) afford.
Any ideas on how to break my man out of his stubbornness?
I would only strongly consider a move if i was able to get a decent job, or, keep the one i have and work virtual (which is possible), so I wouldn't do this on a whim, I would want to feel certain I could be financially stable, but ugh... I miss it.
Thoughts/similar stories?/etc? Would love to hear them.
No, you can't "break him out of his stubbornness". YOU have a decision to make - either you're with this stubborn man, or you cut him loose and move back to California, where your heart is. If it were me, I know which decision I would make. (Here's a hint - millions of men out there, only one California. )
No, you can't "break him out of his stubbornness". YOU have a decision to make - either you're with this stubborn man, or you cut him loose and move back to California, where your heart is. If it were me, I know which decision I would make. (Here's a hint - millions of men out there, only one California. )
HAHA. Twinkle Toes, I like the way you think.
He ended up breaking up with me a few days ago... I think part of the reason is because we wanted different things. He said he would take this time to think about what he wants, and where he wants his future to take him. For now, this is probably for the best.
To me, the perfect compromise would be if he agreed to give CA an honest try and move out there with me for 1-2 years, and if it didn't work, I'd agree to move back east, permanently. But it looks like it might be a little too late for that.
my best friend went through this. The were together many years. She wanted to move to DC. He wanted to stay in our home town in CA. She moved and they stayed together long distance. She moved back to be with him. She was unhappy and wanted to go back to DC. He wouldn't go with her. She always felt like she moved back to CA for him, but he wouldn't move to DC for her. She went back to DC and they broke up. He's still single (at age 37) and she has been married for about a year. I always kind of blamed her because she is the one who left. I only adjusted my attitude about it after I finally got out of our home town and saw the difference the right place can make in your life. If you really feel that CA is the place for you, and he isn't willing to try it, maybe you have your answer.
BTW, people who've mentioned the cost of living have a point. My sister lives in San Diego in a 900 sf condo. They are expecting their first child. I live in CO and have a nice 2000 sf house with a nice yard. It isn't everything, but it is something. So Cal seems completely opposite on New England. The weather is the same all year. I think I'd miss the seasons. But that's just me.
He ended up breaking up with me a few days ago... I think part of the reason is because we wanted different things. He said he would take this time to think about what he wants, and where he wants his future to take him. For now, this is probably for the best.
To me, the perfect compromise would be if he agreed to give CA an honest try and move out there with me for 1-2 years, and if it didn't work, I'd agree to move back east, permanently. But it looks like it might be a little too late for that.
I'm sorry for your break up (sort of ) Having the same hopes and dreams, and vision for your life is important. If you don't have that, it is just as well you broke up now and not 10 years from now. Best of luck. Come back and tell us if you end up in Ca and if it is all you hoped!
You will not be traveling there every year if you plan to have children. It would no longer be about you but about the family.
I moved to California because of my dh job and I hate being so far away from family. The place is OK but it doesn't make up for the lack of family for me. I can't wait to move back east.
I agree. We do not trust strangers with our children so we only go on date night when we have a relative visiting. About twice a year.
Sounds to me like you think your way is better than his. But you know he will probably be happier in his life because he is not a dreamer. Because reality is never as good as dreams.
Ah but if you had children you wouldn't want to live downtown. You would want to live where the better schools are at. I've never experienced LA traffic but I heard it is bad.
BTW you can walk everywhere if you live in NYC too.
All true and after several moves you just give up and don't try to make any friends at all.
OP, you are young and you should move away and have your adventure for a couple of years. If after that time you want to come back then you will value what you have more. If you stay you are going to make you both miserable. What ever you decide please do not have children until you are certain that you are with someone that wants the same out of life than you do. You do not want your children to live through a divorce. It is not fun.
Good post full of good advice. Where are you from back east?
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