Where should I move? I'm bringing my mentally ill mother along.

[Wisteria]

sugarstars :
Thanks for the replies.

I know, Cali is pretty diverse everywhere, I think I'd like to move somewhere to the East?
I live currently in the Bay Area, there are white people but there are no ... I don't know what to call them: "ultra white" people.

My online guy friend lives in Germany and I kind of want to be with him... forever. Perhaps someday I'll be able to live with him? But if that doesn't work then I know I need an education (either way)... I just don't really have much interests in anything and don't know how to go about choosing a college and getting myself to genuinely want to learn.

I have set up a meeting with my Mom's social worker and she's going to help us as much as she can.

I'm a social worker, too, and I feel for you. I have been around many mentally-ill people, and it is a very difficult road.

My hunch is that because of all the stress and responsibilities you are under, plus the unknown factors, that you may be fantasizing a bit about your online friend -- which is natural -- it is a way to pretend a better life -- although you have no idea what that life would be like in reality.

Be sure to stay on that social worker to get what you need. Try to sit down and think of all the problems your mom has faced, what you need for yourself, and be sure the social worker knows all aspects of both of your lives -- that will help the social worker to assess better.

Also, you cannot be expected to be the one to be your mother's sole caretaker, even though you seem to care for her. Therefore, you must start letting your mind go into the direction of how you can better yourself.

Your mom may be put into a group home of sorts, or some other living facility. If so, you then have the opportunity to relocate to another town and at least start school at a community college -- you did not say if you are a high school graduate or not, and if not, then find out how to get a GED to let you start college.

At this point in time, you are most likely depressed and distressed from all the problems surrounding you, and you may feel responsible in some way, like young people often do -- even when you're not responsible for what has happened.

Keep on the social worker like the squeaky wheel -- they are overworked and overloaded and underpaid. The person who maintains regular contact will get first-serve. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself, as hard as it may seem right now.

Also, find out from the social worker if there are programs for you to start college, and you may also be eligible for financial aid -- and considering your situation, you may want to be emancipated, so that you can get that financial aid. Going to community college and just being around others who are also trying to succeed will give you motivation.

Good luck to you -- it sounds tough, and I know it's hard. I congratulate you on your sense of responsibility and caring for your mom, as difficult as it can be.

Please also know that you are not your mother, and you have a long life ahead of you. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Your mother may be at a point where she may not get better -- and if not, at least know by you striving to get ahead, to better yourself, that you are doing a service to her as her child, that no matter what her own problems, that at least you are okay -- and that is a great gift to any mother!!

Good luck and please keep us posted.
Wisteria

[coyoteskye]

You could move to Germany.
They'll take good care of your mom.
And, they're "ultra-white"! Yay!
Although it's my impression that many Germans actually did learn something from the atrocity's of the past and did indeed evolve and have surpassed the masses due to their particularly poignant understanding of the shadow side of human nature and their understanding of the folly of racism and other expressions / manifestations of humanity's insanity.
But i imagine there are enough there who are sufficiently entrenched to make you feel quite comfortable.
And learning a new language may be just the thing to inspire you toward higher learning.
alles beste.
Gott sei mit euch!

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by coyoteskye

Man you're condescending!

nope, just truthful: if she is for real, my heart goes out to her, if she isn't, yes, she has a vivid imagination..What is condescending about that?

Nita

[coyoteskye]

Originally Posted by nmnita

nope, just truthful: if she is for real, my heart goes out to her, if she isn't, yes, she has a vivid imagination..What is condescending about that?

Nita

... "this poor young lady is heading for a very sad life ..."
Why is that condescending?
Can you honestly say that if i attempted to "enlighten" you (pardon my condescension), you'd accept what i was saying?
I don't think so.
You'd argue and justify and defend yourself.

How 'bout presumptuous? Maybe that is more easy to grok.
Who are you (who is anyone) to presume that someone is "heading for a sad life" ... or to presume anything about anyone?

I know (well, i don't know but it's my impression) that your heart is in the right place but you seem to be the kind of lady who would see a gentle homeless man and feel sorry for him without realizing that he might be a saint and more deeply happy and content and at peace and "awake" than anyone you know.

Anyway, when the o.p. finds those premium ultra white folks, i'm sure she'll be as happy as a clam and live a long, happy and prosperous life.