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View Poll Results: What do I do?
Do I throw out his stuff? 1 16.67%
Do I sell it in a garage sale? 2 33.33%
Do I donate it to Goodwill? 3 50.00%
Voters: 6. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-02-2009, 10:46 PM
 
9 posts, read 14,075 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello all!

I need some advice.

I live in Toronto Public Housing and my 16 year old son decided to run away 2 days before mother's day to go live with his father who he has only spent weekends with.

He has left everything in his room and has not called to arrange an appropriate date to pick them up.

He has not kept in touch or come to visit.

When I have called him he tells me that he is busy or refuses to talk.

It's been 8 months since he ran away. When can I legally throw his stuff out?

Please send me links that I can use to back up my position when he and his father want to get alll upset,

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Old 01-02-2009, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
700 posts, read 2,335,217 times
Reputation: 398
Since you most likely purchased the "stuff" with your money and not his...Its yours! It was a gift to him for sharing your DNA, now he is pissing those rights away....

I say donate it to Goodwill, there are people out there that can use help and appreciate it.

Then make it a "sewing room" that always gets to the kid...

5
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 15,521,444 times
Reputation: 2638
Anger and bitterness raise our blood pressure, shorten our lives, and destroy joy about everything.

Compassion and forgiveness -- especially for those who still have undeveloped children's brains and simply cannot think the way adults do until age 22 -- compassion and forgiveness lower our blood pressure, lengthen our lives, and build joy inside us.

What people say and do is NEVER about us. It's ALWAYS an expression of who THEY are, not who WE are. So we can deliberately disconnect ourselves emotionally from what others say and do, be silent, feel how we feel, and choose to feel good, relaxed, content.

The choice is always ours, every minute I wish you joy!
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Old 01-03-2009, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Nome
2,397 posts, read 4,103,538 times
Reputation: 467
You can't legally throw it out. You have to make every attempt to contact them to come and get it or just drop it off to them.
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Old 01-03-2009, 01:52 PM
 
Location: South GA
10,893 posts, read 9,891,226 times
Reputation: 20878
I know this must be a hurtful thing for you! Just remember that you will always be his Mother, and that in time, he very likely will change his attitude. My best advice to you is to box all that you can and pay to UPS it to him. If there are some big items, try to find a space for them for a while. You can always re-think it later.

I know it is easier to react with anger, but try to remember that "this too shall pass". Who knows what the future will bring for your relationship with him, but at least you will have peace of mind that you did all you could.

I wish you well!
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Old 01-03-2009, 02:25 PM
 
4,285 posts, read 14,432,719 times
Reputation: 3867
Quote:
Originally Posted by mscitymom View Post
Hello all!

I need some advice.

I live in Toronto Public Housing and my 16 year old son decided to run away 2 days before mother's day to go live with his father who he has only spent weekends with.

He has left everything in his room and has not called to arrange an appropriate date to pick them up.

He has not kept in touch or come to visit.

When I have called him he tells me that he is busy or refuses to talk.

It's been 8 months since he ran away. When can I legally throw his stuff out?

Please send me links that I can use to back up my position when he and his father want to get alll upset,

Instead of conducting a very unscientific poll on an internet forum, why not just phone up the local Metro Police division and ask what your options are?
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Old 01-03-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: South GA
10,893 posts, read 9,891,226 times
Reputation: 20878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cornerguy1 View Post
Instead of conducting a very unscientific poll on an internet forum, why not just phone up the local Metro Police division and ask what your options are?
Great idea! But, I think that probably she wanted some feedback more on what the "right" thing would be rather than the legalities. Perhaps I am "projecting" how I would feel though. Anyhow, She is obviously upset and hurt, and wanted advice - BUT perhaps since she asked for us to post links to back up her position - you may be more correct than me.
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Old 01-03-2009, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
700 posts, read 2,335,217 times
Reputation: 398
Quote:
Originally Posted by aurorawatcher View Post
You can't legally throw it out. You have to make every attempt to contact them to come and get it or just drop it off to them.
Well...I dont know about "illegal" since the items technically are not his in the sense of his money was used to purchase. The bed, clothes, video games are all gifts from a parent....kinda loaned under contract of good behavior.

Morally? well thats another story, thats why I was trying to be a bit tongue in cheek, just box it up and send it to him one a month (COD), take the high road...
if there is something worth selling, or donating that cannot be shipped or you deem "yours" then do what you must.

Kids at that age are too confused enough about themselves in the world to fully grasp the idea of accountability or the cause and effect of their actions.

I think about when my father kicked me out of the house (well deserved...I was a monster) Then to turn around and demand "my" things or take legal action for unjust eviction would have been hilarious....

I say, in all seriousness (in closing after long coffeeless rant) Tell him (and his father) that if he doesnt come pick it up in 30 days, you will discard and turn his room into a sewing room.

Just my humble thoughts...
5
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:58 PM
 
9 posts, read 14,075 times
Reputation: 10
Hello Katsmeeyow,

Thank you for your sensitive reply.You are right. I am very sad & hurt. When my son ran away to live with his dad, it brought on a lot of other issues, including the fact that I know have to move since I am no longer eligible for a two bedroom unit and I now have to move out.

I am not prepared to pay to ship his belongings to him. Since he lives with his father who is now financially supporting him, I believe that it is his responsibility now. *His father planned this whole thing so that he would no longer have to pay child support. He is a very wicked man who uses women to get what he wants. Since I was not the type to take abuse from him he is very resentful and continues to cause difficulties for me.
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Old 01-04-2009, 05:17 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
700 posts, read 2,335,217 times
Reputation: 398
Quote:
Originally Posted by mscitymom View Post
Hello Katsmeeyow,

Thank you for your sensitive reply.You are right. I am very sad & hurt. When my son ran away to live with his dad, it brought on a lot of other issues, including the fact that I know have to move since I am no longer eligible for a two bedroom unit and I now have to move out.

I am not prepared to pay to ship his belongings to him. Since he lives with his father who is now financially supporting him, I believe that it is his responsibility now. *His father planned this whole thing so that he would no longer have to pay child support. He is a very wicked man who uses women to get what he wants. Since I was not the type to take abuse from him he is very resentful and continues to cause difficulties for me.

I say burn it!

COD= cash on delivery....wont cost you a cent!

What you have been trough is enough, if the young boy wont be a man, make a man out of him and have him be accountable for his actions....

Okay, Its late here an I just finished some great wine, so my opinion may be a bit "spirited" however, the idea that these are his property is silly, its yours, you payed for it....Give him final warning then donate his clothes to people that need a leg up...Goodwill.

You have done your best, dont feel bad, all teenage boys go through this period of "discovery"....but no reason you should allow hinm to get away scott free... 16 years old, well he should know better.

Just my humble, wine fueled, advise....
5
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