Cousin has three months left to live, doesn't want anyone to know - why?

[songinthewind7]

Dealing with cancer is a lot to take on but being told that you're going to die triples the stress.
She may need time to process what she's been told. She also may want others to remember her in a good way and not to see her suffering.

Understand it's not about you at this time. It's all about her. Respect her wishes and if you're a Godly person, pray for her healing. Miracles do happen.

It's hard to see a family member or friend die. Some choose to be around a lot of people when the time comes and some don't want a bunch of people around. My suggestion is that you send her a card - a happy card with an inspirational message and I"m sure she'll appreciate it.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

Well, thank you. Well written post but, like I said, she doesn't want anyone to know so that is the way it shall be. Her wishes must be respected as this time is really about her and not about anyone else.

Yes, the brain cancer may affect how she thinks, but those are still her wishes. I found out she is paralyzed on one side so no doubt this tumor is a big deal. I think it is a case of lung cancer spreading to her brain (as only 10 to 30% of brain cancers are primary), but neither here nor there. The prognosis is not good and she should be able to choose how she wants to spend her final days. If that means being only with her family, so be it.

I merely was trying to understand the mindset. I honestly don't know what I'd do in her position. My first thought would be to move to OR or WA where they have that death with dignity law - sincerely. I'd wrap up my affairs as much as I could, assuming I had the strength, and then I'd go there. But that is because I have no SO or children and only a mother that would have to understand. As to telling others, I don't think I'd mind unless it interfered with wrapping up my plans. But that's just me. So see why I was just trying to understand the mindset?

Honestly, I am more saddened than anything. I know this happens every day, but I know her and we are related, so it saddens me more.

I didn't have a lot of time last night...

My dad was terminal; he loved seeing everyone; we even did a surprise lunch that lifted his spirits. The last 2 months was when he started choosing to have in his life. He stopped wanting to speak to one daughter & spoke to his brother who he had not spoken to in 50 years. The phone call was a few days before he passed.

Hub (not terminal)- he really did not want to see anyone because most didn't even keep regular contact. There were a handful of people he let come into our house & just about none of them were his family.

If you go to the link I gave; that's the best place to read to get a feel for what BC is like. Most are not the same people once treatment or surgery starts. Some have also pushed spouses away because the brain that they have is not functioning correctly. It's very sad. Their personality totally depends on where the tumor is located. I've seen some that are in agony due to it affecting the part of the brain that deals with pain.

After reading your story on how her own mom is gone; I do feel that your mom would not be out of line to see her. I don't doubt that help will be needed; it's a 24/7 thing with caring for them.

[sarahkate_m]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

I admit, I don't quite understand this. My mom and her were so close. Now she has shut everyone out except her immediate family. Is this common?

She has brain cancer and is only 56. We only found out as her sister went against her wishes and told another cousin. Of course, we'll all respect her wishes and not contact her.

Still seems so sad. And I do not understand withdrawing from everyone and keeping it a secret. Anyone have thoughts as to why?

she's really scared & overwhelmed.... It could be a good idea to ask her family what the cousins can do to help out. It's better to show support now rather than later... Just a thought.

Her family will have alot on their hands as she goes downhill, if she indeed does go downhill. I would, "if I were you," go out on a limb & let someone close to her (the cousin) know that you are "there for them" to help in anyway they see fit, if you can handle it.

I'm sure that the cousin who let the cat out of the bag has some ideas/information...

[AnnieA]

This has been an interesting and informative thread. It has made me think on some things, which I won't go into. I can understand the OP's post, I think, but, I still stand by my 2 posts and they were not meant to negate her Mom's hurt feelings or chastise. It can be tough with families and death........