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My mom feels the same way yours does about losing control, and for her, too, morphine means the end. She insisted on oxycodone (a little less strong than oxycontin) and managed that way until a few days ago. Now she is getting liquid morphine, and it's not even working that well. I was there most of yesterday, including at night. I've been asking that she be medicated enough to relieve pain while keeping her alert; last night's experience taught me that this may be unattainable. I had to make a decision: keep her comfortable, period. What good is it to be alert and "in control" when you are no longer in control of your life at all, and all you are alert to is ferocious pain?
She sat there moaning and saying "no good" over and over...the nurses talked to me about the difficulty of finding that line between comfort/alertness and pain/grogginess, and how I might have to make a decision about choosing one over the other. After what I witnessed last night, pain relief is on top.
I'm so sorry. It sounds like you have no choice.
what MG of Oxycodone?
Did they try oxycontin which is longer lasting?
What complicates things is that her body may not be able to even process a pill; so other meds may not even be on the table. I'm so sorry she's in pain.
Part of the dying process is the body shuts down non-essential things like the stomach. Under-the-tongue meds help as do liquids while the person can still swallow. My mother could not swallow for the last 9-10 days of her life (series of small strokes) so she got the dissolvable stuff.
Part of the dying process is the body shuts down non-essential things like the stomach. Under-the-tongue meds help as do liquids while the person can still swallow. My mother could not swallow for the last 9-10 days of her life (series of small strokes) so she got the dissolvable stuff.
It sounds like her mom is at this point. It breaks my heart that her pain is so bad.
I assume the type of cancer also has to do with pain & the way meds are processed; so what works for one type; may not work for another. I know I would not want to be in pain & in my medical directive I'd rather be put into a comma if it could be done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepea
So, I was there for four hours today...am going back tonight to sit with her at bedtime. She didn't sleep last night because of pain. One of the aides sat with her the whole night.
All she kept saying today was, I was afraid it was the end. I'm afraid of tonight, I don't want the night to come, I'm afraid if I go to sleep I won't get up.
Sweepea; I pray you're able to keep your mom comfortable. I'm so sorry she has so much pain. Do not second guess what you do. We have a tendency to beat ourselves up in the weeks/months after.. Did we do the right thing? What could we have done different? The fact is you are making very hard decisions; that unless she's had it written out on her wishes; you have to decide. You love your mom a lot; every decision you're making is coming from that love so that her final days are not spent in agony.
sweepea, my mother is also in a lot of pain, but still a little bit aware and can swallow, she is taking oxycontin (40mg) every 12 hrs, and for in between pain oxycodo (20mg), all she does is sleep, feeling very tire, I also asked for the hospital bed because she is hardly moving. I have notice her breathing is very slow, I watch her closely and her chest hardly move and then suddenly I see her take a bigger breath, I feel as if she is slipping away day by day and she might go in her sleep (or maybe that is what I am hoping so she doesn't suffer). She is also becoming disoriented, she would try to start a conversation and she forgets what she wanted to say. Not eating, just taking sip of ensure. This is so terrible, seeing your loved one go this way..the hospice care is not in crisis-care, they come and go to see how she is doing and since she can still take pills there is no need for them to stay, so it's pretty much me and a lady I hire to stay with her. This has taken so much from all of us, right now I feel I am numb and on automatic pilot...it's so sad...
Thank you to all. Know that I'm reading all of your kind thoughts even if I'm not able to answer everyone personally. Your words lift me up.
Mom stopped being able to swallow several days ago...I'm losing track. At first she just had difficulty, then when I arrived yesterday they had stopped all pills as she can't swallow. The morphine is administered under the tongue. She is being kept sedated with that and the Ativan as otherwise the pain is ferocious. Like a monstrous storm.
My oldest daughter is flying in from California tonight, my other two are also here and we are taking turns going up to sit with mom. She is in her own world now. Everyone is talking to her, telling her about the values and lessons she passed along that have helped us with our lives. We reassure her that we will all be all right.
Hospice does very little other than provide the parameters of pain and physical care, send equipment, and ensure that she won't go to the hospital. Otherwise it is the dedicated staff at the facility who take care of mom in every way.
She is comfortable and we are all just waiting. Two days ago I was able to spoon a bit of ice cream into her, but now she is indifferent to all food and drink and largely unresponsive to talk or touch. Only sometimes will she make a sound or change her facial expression. When her eyes are open she stares into space. I can't believe this. I look around at all the nice things in her room -- the TV, her book with the bookmark in it, her unfinished crocheting --and can't believe what's happening.
sweepea, I'm sorry you have to see Mom suffer. While she isn't responding with smiles or conversation, you have to believe that she can hear what you (and your daughters) are saying to her. Telling her how she has shaped your life is a good thing. It reassures her that her life had value.
I pray you find comfort in memories of happier times.
the hospice care is not in crisis-care, they come and go to see how she is doing and since she can still take pills there is no need for them to stay, so it's pretty much me and a lady I hire to stay with her. This has taken so much from all of us, right now I feel I am numb and on automatic pilot...it's so sad...
I'm so sorry.
The hospice care we had was home based; they also came & went; but it's what my dad wanted. My MIL had 24/7 hospice come in for my FIL. Have you asked them if they will come more often as she declines? Did they give you a grab bar that gets attached to the bed? If she's able to use her hands; it makes it easier to sit them up. Did they give you a commode?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepea
Mom stopped being able to swallow several days ago...I'm losing track. At first she just had difficulty, then when I arrived yesterday they had stopped all pills as she can't swallow. The morphine is administered under the tongue. She is being kept sedated with that and the Ativan as otherwise the pain is ferocious. Like a monstrous storm.
My oldest daughter is flying in from California tonight, my other two are also here and we are taking turns going up to sit with mom. She is in her own world now. Everyone is talking to her, telling her about the values and lessons she passed along that have helped us with our lives. We reassure her that we will all be all right.
Hospice does very little other than provide the parameters of pain and physical care, send equipment, and ensure that she won't go to the hospital. Otherwise it is the dedicated staff at the facility who take care of mom in every way.
She is comfortable and we are all just waiting. Two days ago I was able to spoon a bit of ice cream into her, but now she is indifferent to all food and drink and largely unresponsive to talk or touch. Only sometimes will she make a sound or change her facial expression. When her eyes are open she stares into space. I can't believe this. I look around at all the nice things in her room -- the TV, her book with the bookmark in it, her unfinished crocheting --and can't believe what's happening.
If you have a purse date book; you should mark whatever you can. I used to keep a pad by his bed because so much changes so fast. When everything is over; it's such a blur & without the pad I scribbled on; I wouldn't be able to make sense of the decline.
My dad was hanging on for a DNA test; that was supposed to happen the day after he passed but I was able to have it rescheduled to the night he passed. As soon as I told him they were coming at 7:30pm; he said "That's good" & never spoke again- declined quickly after that. He knew he could relax & begin the process. He passed within 2 hours of them taking our DNA.
Even though he seemed so out of it; I know he heard us talking to him; so we sat around him; I held one hand & my son held the other & told him we loved him & it was ok to go. At one point; his wife (more like roommate of 40+ years) told him- "no don't go".. He opened his eyes & shot her a really nasty glare. We managed to calm him down; he opened his eyes to look at me; breathed in & never let it out.
Your family will be in my prayers
~Hugs
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