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hi folks, i'm suse and I am a few months past chemo and radiation. i'm still nauseas every day, most of the day, but other than that I am feeling pretty well.
I've begun taking my supplements again, 5htp, vitamin d and melatonin for sleep, but am still troubled by anxiety and I think this could be called depression.
my cancer metastasized around this time last year and I had surgery in june, followed by the rest.
it's an especially rare apocrine adenocarcinoma (though now they are also calling it neuro-endocrine tumours) and there is basically NO literature about it, and what there is out there is frankly scary as hell.
my docs at dana farber gave me a fifty percent chance of a cure if I did four rounds of chemo and 32 days of radiation.
I was allergic to the etopocide and they stopped it completely after only two rounds, but I did finish all 32 radiation treatments.
i go back to boston for pet scans in six weeks so we'll know more then.
meanwhile dh and i are spending the winter in florida while i recuperate, so no lack of sunshine or storms to contend with.
we are deeply in love and have a wonderful marriage, so why am i so sad and anxious?
It sounds like you are anxious. It common and normal, IMO. I would get sick to my stomach before a ct scan and follow up appointment. I was like this for the first two years after chemo. The fact that you have a good marriage and some place warm and sunny puts you ahead of me on both fronts.
The fear of the unknown and the fear that is can come back are both very real and can make anyone ill.
Suz, is there a cancer support group down there where you are? Even though you're past your treatments, you know that you never really are and still need the support of those who've been thru it. I'm just getting started down this bumpy road so we'll wish each other well.
Post chemo it took me a good year before I could even talk about my experience. It is traumatic, it is a lot to process. I had my ways of coping and coming to terms with it.
Post chemo it took me a good year before I could even talk about my experience. It is traumatic, it is a lot to process. I had my ways of coping and coming to terms with it.
Would you mind sharing? We made the announcement to my coworkers at a meeting yesterday and they asked me to tell them what's going on and I got so choked up I couldn't speak and I haven't even started treatment yet--probably around the first of the year. Another teacher got dx'ed with colon cancer around the same time and she gets her port today.
Suz, what you are feeling is very normal. Cancer is a very scary thing. First being diagnosed and having to deal with the idea that you have the big C, then in your case having to go through chemo and radiation and being sick. Now your future is still unsure until you have further testing. That is scary stuff, it would depress anyone. The key is do you think you need treatment for it, or do you think you just need time to recoup?
Would you mind sharing? We made the announcement to my coworkers at a meeting yesterday and they asked me to tell them what's going on and I got so choked up I couldn't speak and I haven't even started treatment yet--probably around the first of the year. Another teacher got dx'ed with colon cancer around the same time and she gets her port today.
I am a man, I didn't talk about it for a while. It took me a solid year after chemo before I decided I could or would talk about my experience and then I started to take part in cancer survivorship.
Every check up I would get really nervous. The first follow up after chemo, I had a ct scan first, went to lunch with my folks. I got sick to my stomach before my appointment.
I am looking forward to putting this behind me, but it sounds like it never will be. Right now I feel so fantastic physically that it doesn't feel real at all but that will soon change I'm sure. Suz, how are you feeling right now?
I found transitioning out of treatment and back into the world of "healthy people" more difficult than any aspect of active treatment. Most of the people around you have moved on from your treatment and unfortunately, most people expect you to bounce back. But you don't, not right away. It takes awhile to get back to where you were physically or mentally, and some never get back 100%. That's hard to swallow.
There's also the hypochondria that comes after treatment. Every lump, bump, cough, and bruise can drive you crazy. Right now, I have a tiny lymph node swelling on my collarbone. When I was diagnosed, there was a golfball sized hard lump there that literally popped up overnight. I've been dealing with the normal winter cold season, so I'm sure logically that the swollen node is related to my sniffles. But I can't just accept that anymore. Instead, I find myself fixating. And then I get tightness in my chest from the anxiety and I am SURE it's because the mass is my chest cavity is back. I'm almost to 3 years post diagnosis and I still get all kinds of worked up. For my upcoming scan, I'm taking 3 days off of work. The day before because I will be a wreck, the day of because it's a long day of bloodwork, scans, and then my follow up appointment, and the day after to unwind after the intense day before. Thank goodness my hospital will do scans and follow up the same day - I used to have to take the whole week off because I'd be so anxious! I also still have a hard time planning my life out after the scan - I need to get a clean scan and THEN I can start thinking about the next 6 month - year long chunk.
It's all normal, but stinky.
Does your cancer center offer onco-psychology care? Talking to a professional does help, and so do the meds.
EDIT: I just saw that you're at Dana Farber, which is where I just transferred my care due to consistently wonderful experiences with my 2nd opinion onc (now my permanent onc) and their young adult survivorship team. They have tons of resources available for survivorship at any age and have some really great, cutting edge psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers. No one should have to suffer unnecessarily after treatment with anxiety, so please take advantage!
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