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On the Peace Corps - if you daughter does want to come home, please let her. But I also know just how difficult that decision would be. My dream was to join the Foreign Service and, if I didn't get in on the first FSOE, to try to do the Peace Corps first to get the extra federal hiring bonus. So difficult are they both to get into now that I spent a semester in college learning about rural sanitation, building compost toilets and educating a community in extreme rural Mexico to gain the know-how and make myself a better candidate. It's no longer just a matter of applying and getting in (though I don't think that was ever really true in the first place). When I got my own cancer diagnosis, I had one final round of the foreign service exam to pass (the big oral exam in DC) and had also submitted my application to the Peace Corps. I was barred until I hit 5 years in remission and what do you know, almost simultaneously as I hit my 5 year remission date I met the love of my life. I can't do the Peace Corps now and leave him for 2 years, further putting off financial stability and kids. I also can't do the Foreign Service and drag him around the world every 2 years when he has a business he needs to be here for. I understand better than anyone that there's not always a way to come back to these things, especially once you're in your late 20s.
That said, while I definitely have a sense of loss about not having these experiences, I have a different set of experiences now that are just as rewarding, just different. If you daughter wants to return, don't put more guilt on yourself thinking that she is losing out. She will just have different experiences. She could even meet the love of her life, as I did!
Do you have Facebook? It feels gross to do this, but sometimes I would just put out there that I had no food in the house and needed some milk or fruit, and someone would see it and swing by and deliver. As you may remember, I had no caretaker when I was sick and went through it almost entirely alone, though I had a roommate who would probably step over my dead body to make himself dinner rather than ever offer assistance. :P Putting your pride aside is so hard, but I was amazed at the acquaintances who I barely knew who offered help in little ways.
Make sure to talk to you cancer center social worker. They tend to have specialized knowledge of resources just for you. Rides, meals on wheels type programs, even things like massage and reiki (I don't believe in woo woo stuff, but man did I konk out every time the reiki person was at my infusion!). Many cancer centers offer integrative support at a low cost or even for free. Please try to give yourself time for that kind of support.
Our son, in his early 30s, left his job, wife & two little children, flew in from out of state to help for two and a half weeks and plans to return again when I have more chemo or when I have the surgery.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Wait, I thought he was coming back indefinitely, for as long as you need him?
Well, it has been a little unclear regarding his help "in theory" vs. "in practice". In theory, it sounded like he would be able to be here longer, even indefinitely, but that may not work out in practice.
We just discussed it today and he said that he had thought that we would be "so much farther along in the things that we needed to get done by now and that it might be better if he stayed a few more weeks now instead of returning to California for a week or two and flying back again".
I have a feeling that he thought that some of these things, like finding a care facility for hubby would be "quick and easy" and he is finding out that is not the case. I tried to tell him that when I had friends/fellow caregivers do things like get together the paperwork for Medicaid or finding an appropriate care facility, it often took weeks, if not months (and they did not have a new diagnosis of Stage IV cancer with all those doctor's appointments, chemotherapy, etc.). Our son apparently assumed that things that took other adults weeks or months to accomplish could be finished by him in just days.
I believe that it was his wife that was telling him that he really needed to stay longer. Which is great.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-21-2017 at 07:12 PM..
The vast majority of people do not understand the complexity of dealing with what you are facing. We, meaning the US, puts our sick and elderly thru so much unnecessary stress and complexity dealing with the medical field and the senior assistance field.
Mom got a fist full of denial letters for medical care she got in January, over $4,000 worth and she has Medicare and a Medicare Advantage plan with HMO. Totally erroneous but left her in fear and tears. The insurance company did not process her continuing insurance properly and showed she had discontinued coverage when nothing had changed and they had even sent her a new insurance card. Eventually, it got straightened out but she has spent days crying and worrying. Nothing we could say would help.
And this was so minor compared to the maze you are having to deal with right now. I am sorry I don't have any worthwhile suggestions to help.
Sending good thoughts and prayers for your continued healing. You are a wonderfully strong person and your posts have helped many.
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Germaine and will send good thoughts for an easy and successful treatment program.
One thought that occurred to me - does your son have an Employee Assistance Program at work? They might be able to help identify some nursing home options for your husband.
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