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Believe me, the anxiety about those followup visits and tests does diminish as the years go by. Looking back on it, there are good reasons for being a bit rushed when you are in the middle of it. I suspect each person feels rushed even though the actual timing of events may not be. Your sense of yourself is sort of in shock. There is time to reflect once that's over. You have to let it simmer internally for a while. What feels right will eventually surface when you are not calling it up consciously. Compared to other cancers most bc is relatively slow to develop.
I've struggled with depression in the past, but not at all since I've been sick. My mantra is just getting through each day as pleasantly as possible. I sleep, I take naps when I need to, I eat what I want. I'm retired but when I worked I slept through my long commutes which added a couple of hours of sleep to my day.
There is no cure for the type of cancer I have. I've never wished to be cured, just to stay out of pain. Coming close to dying put me in a pretty good frame of mind once I survived. I had goals, like getting out of a wheel chair and off oxygen which I did on my own in about 4 months. I had no desire to go to physical therapy and didn't. My next goal was to be able to walk and stand on my own without a walker or cane, which I did in another 5 months. I try to accompish something within my capabiities every day and get some pleasure every day. I do my best to look at the glass as half full, not half empty.
Regarding depression, I had it pretty bad a number of times in my life. Once for more than a year. Meds didn't work so I stopped taking them. I saw a psychologist for a few visits when I was younger and concluded the psychologist was crazier than I was. I saw a psychiatrist and his only advice was that depression comes and goes and there are periods in life where you will free of it. What I did that worked without drugs or counseling was just accept it and stopped fighting it. I gave up the idea of being "normal again". I resigned myself to being in a miserable black hole for life, while I continued to work and bring home a paycheck for my family. I just put one foot in front of the other and did it. Strangely, in a few months after this acceptance, the depression vanished. I had some bad panic attacks after 911, and the same method worked for me. It worked for me again with my terminal diagnosis a couple of years ago. To quote an old song. "There's nothing to it but to do it." I don't believe in fighting cancer but accepting it. It's part of me. I don't think of the future more than a few days out. I'm grateful for what I have now. My oncologist has kept me out of pain so far and I can't ask for more than that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autum1031
I'm a lurker here and this is my first post in this forum, so here goes...
I'm wondering how many of you have seen a psychologist or psychiatrist, and how you located someone who could understand the mental health issues that go along with cancer?
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2017 - triple negative, stage 1. (Now stage 2A under the new guidelines). I decided to take part in a clinical trial using an PDL-1 checkpoint inhibitor immunotherapy drug. Everything went great until the very last dose during chemo in Dec 2017, when everything went haywire...the docs at my cancer hospital had no clue what was wrong with me. It was eventually determined that my pain, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. was due to inflammation in my GI track. Fast forward to now, and the last several months have been a living hell. My "official' cancer treatment ended in June 2018, but I am still in treatment for the damage caused by the drug. I've been hospitalized 3 times, I've had inflammation throughout my body, I'm taking a wide variety of drugs to try and cure the inflammation, and drugs to counteract the bad side effects of THOSE drugs, and so on.
In the midst of all this, I've been struggling with depression. My marriage has been poor for quite some time, and a few years back, I moved away from my family & friends for a job. It is just me, husband and my now 7 year old son. I had almost no support at all during the long year of my cancer treatment. And now, there are days I can barely handle the constant fatigue and pain. What makes one body part feel better makes another sick, so I *never* feel well. My husband took my son camping this weekend so I could rest, but instead I've spent the past 3 days battling a migraine that makes my head feel like it's going to explode and there is nothing I can do until Monday. (My normal medication wasn't working as well and I was getting daily headaches, so my doctor prescribed a supposedly stronger, longer lasting med. Instead this med has done *nothing* to help. And I can't take both at once, so I just have to suffer until this one wears off).
My depression just seems to be getting worse, and I don't know what to do. I spoke to my regular doctor several weeks ago, and she upped my dosage of Cymbalta, which I normally take for fibromyalgia. No effect. The black moods just keep getting worse and worse. I'm sitting here tonight, feeling like my head is going to explode, and I just keeping thinking, I do not know how much longer I can do this. I don't want to go through this any longer. It shocks me that my moods have been so black.
I'm seriously considering seeing a psychiatrist, or even just a psychologist, but I'm also afraid to tell the truth about the severity of my feelings. As I said, I have a 7 year old son. I worry that someone is going to try and take my son away from me, or start doing "welfare checks" because I feel so poorly. Like they might think I am not capable of taking care of him.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm asking for here - just other people's experiences, I guess. I do really want to see someone who can hopefully help me, but as I said, I'm afraid I would cause problems because I am the parent of a young child.
Would love to hear from other people who struggled with mental health issues while dealing with this terrible disease.
I wish I had gone with a bilateral at the start. Everything moved so quickly back then and I really wasn't in the best frame of mind to make a good decision. I have to have a breast MRI every other year and a mammogram practically every 6 months (there is a "cyst" that they are monitoring in my remaining breast) so it would take all the stress away from those appointments. It's that "third shoe" as you mentioned. I can't imagine having to go through chemotherapy again and would just about do anything to lower my chances of having to.
Everyone is different. I went through breast cancer Stage 2 (estrogen-sensitive) with some infiltration of lymph nodes; had all the lymph nodes in my right arm removed (making me vulnerable to cellulitis; which I've had several times), had a bilateral mastectomy and breast reconstruction, plus "aggressive" chemo and also radiation. My doctors (surgeon and oncologist) told me that the bilateral mastectomy would make a recurrence unlikely. This happened nearly 20 years ago. I thought, after the chemo and radiation finished and cat scans and bone scans confirmed the lack of cancer, that I was done with it. (also took estrogen blockers for several years)
Well...it's back; just detected and confirmed in the last month. Only it's not Stage 2 breast cancer anymore, it's metastatic breast cancer stage 4 and it's in my lungs. My oncologist is optimistic about treatment; he said I could live a long time; but it may not ever be cured, just put in remission. I'm back on an estrogen blocker and will soon start a chemotherapy pill (I guess that's better than more iv's) that I might need to take for more than a year while it lowers my immunity and possibly weakens my bones and thins my hair, oh joy.
To say I was shocked is something of an understatement. I had thought that I'd beaten the disease. I'm seeing a social worker/therapist at the hospital I go to for everything else; and I'm glad. I really, really need to be able to whine and complain and vent and cry without worrying that I'm overdoing it with friends.
I didn't need to see a social worker/psychotherapist during the first round of the cancer; but my mother was still alive and was quite supportive. I have some good friends now, but no local relatives.
I think that if someone is going through a serious illness and a psychotherapist can help in any way, the person should get that help.
Everyone is different. I went through breast cancer Stage 2 (estrogen-sensitive) with some infiltration of lymph nodes; had all the lymph nodes in my right arm removed (making me vulnerable to cellulitis; which I've had several times), had a bilateral mastectomy and breast reconstruction, plus "aggressive" chemo and also radiation. My doctors (surgeon and oncologist) told me that the bilateral mastectomy would make a recurrence unlikely. This happened nearly 20 years ago. I thought, after the chemo and radiation finished and cat scans and bone scans confirmed the lack of cancer, that I was done with it. (also took estrogen blockers for several years)
Well...it's back; just detected and confirmed in the last month. Only it's not Stage 2 breast cancer anymore, it's metastatic breast cancer stage 4 and it's in my lungs. My oncologist is optimistic about treatment; he said I could live a long time; but it may not ever be cured, just put in remission. I'm back on an estrogen blocker and will soon start a chemotherapy pill (I guess that's better than more iv's) that I might need to take for more than a year while it lowers my immunity and possibly weakens my bones and thins my hair, oh joy.
To say I was shocked is something of an understatement. I had thought that I'd beaten the disease. I'm seeing a social worker/therapist at the hospital I go to for everything else; and I'm glad. I really, really need to be able to whine and complain and vent and cry without worrying that I'm overdoing it with friends.
I didn't need to see a social worker/psychotherapist during the first round of the cancer; but my mother was still alive and was quite supportive. I have some good friends now, but no local relatives.
I think that if someone is going through a serious illness and a psychotherapist can help in any way, the person should get that help.
Regina, just saw your post and am thinking of you. I hope you are doing well with the new treatment. All the best to you!
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