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Over the past moth my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It has spread to 3 tumors. One behind her heart, one at the esphogaus, and of course the one in her lung. She has been given 4-24 months to live. With 24 being a stretch. She has since had two brian anurisyms as well. Chronic heart problems and is constantly in a state of AFIB.
I do not mean to seem callous or cold. However we just found out that she has ZERO life insurance and is expecting my husband and his brother to cover ALL costs of cremation and the memorial service. Her current husband refuses to contibrute anything citing the fact that if they could afford it, they would have the insurnace. She brought the kids into the world they are responsible for all final costs when she leaves.
We have no idea how much if any debt they/she might have. We do not know if we will be responsible for said debt when she passes.
She has been very specific with regards to her final wishes. She wants to be creamated and for us to take the money we would spend on a large funeral and host a large party for her instead at a lake up in the UP.
My husband and are have a 5 yr old son, are looking to add to our family and move into a house that can accomadate us all. His brother is in a similar situation with two teenagers and having to send them off to college within the next several years.
Do we use the money we have been saving away to cover these costs? If not do you know if there are companies that would be willing to sell a policy to someone that is terminally ill? At least to cover the cost of creamation etc?
Again I do not mean to sound callous or cold. However I am worried over how we might be able to afford everything, without giving up all that we have been working so hard over the years to save to provide for our families.
I greatly appreciate any thoughts and insight.
Worried in MI
Last edited by 2goldens; 11-19-2009 at 03:30 AM..
Reason: Moved from Other Topics
There are policies online for people over 50 with no health questions or physical exam. The trick is your MIL would need to live for a couple of years for you to have full benefits.
Do some research online or confide in an insurance agent to help you find something.
Those no-exam policies still ask if you have been treated for or diagnosed with AIDS, cancer or heart issues within the last 3 years. They simply don't give money away. I've been looking for myself - bypass surgery 4 years ago - cancer diagnosed 6 months ago. No one will sell me any additional insurance.
At this point, there is no policy she would qualify for. I suggest that you not worry about it so much. Unless one of your family members has signed some document otherwise or co-signed for mom, you cannot be held accountable for her debts. You mentioned a husband. While he will not personally be responsible for her debts either, any debts will go up against her share of any community property before anyone including the husband gets a cut. I suggest you start looking into the costs of cremation and what property she has and make plans for the future. Someone will have to pay for it if you do not want her to go the pauper's route. There is no requirement that you have a memorial service or any type of service or party for that matter.
You cannot be held responsible for her debts, unless you "cosigned" on them. If there is an estate - the estate is responsible for paying her debts before there can be any inheritance.
She would not qualify for health insurance at this point (at least none I can think of). Cremation is not that expensive actually (less than 2K typically). Just don't get talked into buying a fancy casket to have her cremated in. Also, you do not have to have a memorial - and it sounds like she prefers that you don't.
You can of course refuse to do anything - personally I think that's harsh, but that's your decision and you'll have to live with it.
But a simple no-frills cremation, with you then accepting the ashes (you don't have to buy a fancy urn, a simple box will do) and spreading them during a "family vacation" to whatever lake she spoke of will not be that expensive.
Of course I realize, to some people anything over $5 is expensive. But, even so, her final costs should not put you and your family into destitution.
Just do not sign/cosign responsibility for her medical or any other bills. Often time collectors will try to guilt the family into things - you are NOT responsible unless you want to be.
Good luck with a difficult situation, hope she finds some peace and that you are able to find some peace about the financials.
Take a deep breath. I'm sorry that your MIL's DH is such a loser, not to even split the costs with the children. Grrrr.
To make your mind rest a little easier, get a couple of quotes on cremation so you know what you're looking at. You can always have a small family lunch at someone's home after she passes instead of a big party. Maybe some of her family will contribute to costs--many times people do.
You're not obligated to spend 10 grand on a funeral. The best you can do will be good enough. Spend time with her now and make her final months count. Keep talk about the funeral costs between the children only, from now on.
There have been some very sound suggestions in this thread. You have to make the best of a bad situation. Best to work with your MIL to determine what assets/debts she has and who is named the legal executor of her estate. I hope her apathetic husband does not currently have her power of attorney! If your MIL has not yet made her decisions as to medical power of attorney this is the time to help her take care of that as well.
Has your MIL had a consultation yet with Hospice? The earlier the better. They can be of great help.
Not all DIL's would do what you are doing for your MIL. I'm sure you are a blessing to her.
A simple cremation is not all that expensive.... just go with the box (not an urn) and no casket for the actual cremation. It would probably cost you about 1k for the cremation. I know it seems like a lot of money, but if you all chip in together (little by little each month), you can save up the money for the cremation and the party.
Don't let her current husband get to you. At the holidays, you can take the $$ you would have used for his gift and add it to the cremation savings (and let him know that's what you did).
Make sure she has a Living Will as well as a Health Care Proxy (you DON'T need an attorney for these --- they are very simple forms. You can get them at any office supply store (like Staples or Kinkos) or you can download them from the internet).
If she has no major assets (like a home or bank accounts or bonds, etc), you can do a simple Will as well --- those can also be gotten at Staples or downloaded from the internet.
Get a list from her of all her close friends, etc that she will want at the party/memorial. Find out where she wants her ashes scattered and check with that location to make sure you can legally scatter the ashes there.
Just enjoy whatever time you have left with MIL
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