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My heart goes out to you. I too, lost my mom to cancer. 10 years ago today. Also, on her birthday. I agree with what others have said here. THis could be the best time to really, really get to know your parents. I would lie on the bed with her and we would talk. I am so happy that I did that. You have no idea. Take care. It will get better. I know it doesn't seem that way while your right in the midst of it but, it really will. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Dear Plume12,
I am so sorry for your parents and the weight you now carry. I am sure you are doing all you can for their comfort. So very difficult to know what do to for them, how to handle your own life amidst their poor health. One foot in front of the other, day by day is all I can say.
I am dealing with my own Mother fighting cancer almost 2 yrs, 85 yrs. old, the chemo is killing her but the cancer is winning. I am not sure of any options either to help. She lives alone, has no one but me. I make her meals, fight with her to drink Boost, she is eating when she wants and what she wants. Mostly bread, oodles of noodles, pizza.
I wish I could get some definitive answer from her onocology doctor as to prognosis. She has no quality of life, going down hill. What do I do?
Reading your post and the replies from others has helped me realize how very kind and compassionate people can be to those unknown in their time of need.
I hope you find some time to take care of You. I pray your parents do not suffer and hope
what time you have with them fills your heart with love and peace.
plume - anytime you need to talk either on the forum or privately....... I know how tough this is.
Lulu, you too. It is hard to pin down the oncology doctors, have they discussed hospice care or are they still trying-how about your mom? That may tell you more about the time she has. My own father was fighting to the point of them saying the next chemo would be awful and may only buy a few months. That is when he went on hospice care. We did hospice in our home. Talk to her. She may know. Can she move in with you or you her?
My father passed away on our sofa with my mom holding his hand and my husband and I right there and it was a good passing and I know he was able to leave knowing we would continue to care for my mom. Even my mother who freaked out when he was having cancer surgery and in the hospital handled his passing with strength and understanding [half of her brain is gone from a massive stroke] that amazed us all. The day before my father asked my oldest daughter if she was an angel coming to take him to heaven and we knew it was coming. Really, the day before that he went out on the deck with us and sat in the Sun - a warm day in Feb when it normally is not warm.
Many of us go through this and it is even hard to write about it without crying but if you have not been through this maybe you don't know what you and the others have or are going through. It is so tough now but it does get better. It really does.
Dealing with all this is also a lot of red tape and paperwork...make sure there is someone who can handle all that. Be prepared and organized for it all because for me the stres of dealing with all the papers and everything kept me up many nights aftewards along with the overwhelming surge of responsiblity for my mother's care. Strange as I already HAD been doing that care but somehow it felt more on my shoulders.
Take care, take the time.......what are we here for if a lot of it is not for our family?
I'm glad you told her, but I'm confused by the OP - does your dad know yet? I can't believe his doctor didn't telll him as he above all people should be the very first to know. Anyway I'm very sorry for this unbelievably difficult time you and your family are going through, best wishes and prayers to all.
My heart goes out to OP and everyone else going thru this hell with family members. I can't begin to tell you how shocked I was when I first started going thru chemo and getting to know the other patients.....how many couples were in treatment together. Way too many. It's hard to comprehend the fear their families must be going thru knowing mom and dad are fighting this disease at the same time. Stuff like that makes me remain grateful that I have what I have and am doing everything I can to continue living, yet I don't have the extra burdens many other people do.
Well my father came out of the hospital on 1/4/10. We spent Christamas and New Years in the Hospital. On New Years they gave him his first Chemo treatment and i was the one there with him. It was very hard watching him. He was sleeping while the chemo was going in him. Very tough.
And no, I didn't tell my Dad how much time he has yet. It's still so strange, I feel like I'm dreaming. He has his good days now. He's been trying to get out of bed, he started eating so much and my mom said that he plans to retire in 2 years. I think now that I told my mom I think she should tell him.
Plume12, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Family. Ironic that no one has told your Dad. I can imagine you all are trying to relieve him of the pain of his time is limited.
I know my Mom knows, but she will not address it, we are all in LaLa land, knowing the end is near, yet no talk of what wishes they may have before they pass.
I found this site, hope it is alright to post the link here.
I am searching for answers to questions I don't even know. Big Hug to you and yours, please let us know how your Dad is.
Plume12, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Family. Ironic that no one has told your Dad.
To be honest I'm thinking more like shocking. ?? Sorry I must be missing something about this. eg how or why would the doctor not tell him, for liability reasons if nothing else. And really, he of all people has the right to know. SOMEONE should tell him, immediately. Sorry I know it's all very hard no matter what, just my opinion.
I agree with the hospice care. Has the doctor or anyone mentioned this to you? I hope they have. As you get closer it will more than likely be bought to your attention. I work with senior citizens. I just went through the hospice with her.. It really is a very peaceful way to go considering being in a hospital at the end. You stay in your home or your families and the hospice people help you along the way. They really are a tremendous help to you. Especially emotionally. My lady had her family all around her in the end. It really was a very loving caring expression of love for the family to be there with her. My father in law also died of brain cancer in his home and his family surrounding him. My heart goes out to you. Know that there are others out here that have and will go through this and that you are not alone. I would love to talk to you if you would like that. TAke care.....
I have been thinking about it more and more and I know my Dad has the right to know on how much time he has left. I guess our family is also in lala land, my Dad hasn't been himself lately. He's been starting to get sick again and sleeps most of the time with a lot of coughing etc. To top it off his oncologist dumped us and said she no longer takes his health insurance. I'm so made right now. So next wed I made an appt with another oncologist I found in NYU.
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