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I wasn't so far off, when the sympathy and pity came along? It bothered me to hear that stuff. The well wishes and cards etc during my hospitalizations was always nice. So was visiting with my siblings.
It sounds like you are already doing the right thing, being there for her. Like others have said, you would be surprised how many people are scared away. When my best friend was dying most of her frends were too scared to call, pick up the phone, write her a letter. I called her every day just to see how she was doing.
Sadly she lost her fight too soon, and many of our mutual friends regretted not calling her and keeping in touch. Too many looked the other way.
I was going over the list again for the cancer center and realized I posted something that was already on there. (No pity, it's depressing)
I did come up with something else though and that is to make her laugh. Someone sent me an email yesterday and it's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time and I laughed for about 5 minutes. It helped me a lot.
I can't find a thread so forgive me if there is one. A very good friend is going in for a partial mastectomy and I am trying to think of what I can do to show support. I've thought of flowers.... but I'd like something that's more "hug, wishing you well, I love you, etc.) - can anyone suggest ideas?
Lots of good ideas already but I thought I would share with you what helped get me thru breast cancer. First both my mom and my best friend came to stay with me (not at the same time). My mom watched the dog while I had surgery and radiation. It was a relieve to know that Lucy (the labrador) was at home with good care and I didn't have to worry about her. She was just there.....I wasn't alone and that was a HUGE thing. Not something I would normally have thought about since I do live alone, but having someone in the house just made things seem easier. We didn't talk about cancer or treatment because it was just always in the air. We went to the movies, ate out, etc.
When it was time for chemo, my friend came to stay for three months. We spent alot of time laughing and remembering things we did when we were younger. I had just lost my husband so we avoided talking about him, about cancer, etc. She had a "chemo bag" (her term)....it had biotene, water, gum, meds, and all of those things your supposed to get "just in case" during chemo. She did the driving which was a relieve since my eyesight went south during chemo. I could rely on her for ensuring I had the right schedule for pills, blood work, chemo, followup appt., etc. Food was awful during this time, so she just gently reminded me to eat something...peanut butter, banana's, etc. She basically didn't ask, didn't tell, didn't push, she was just there and did what needed to be done without interfering. She kept me laughing. When I had to shave my head, she got a pink extension in her hair to support BC. We laughed alot. Just being there does a lot. You don't have to ask questions, give directions, etc...it's just your friendship and presence that will help get someone thru it. You don't have to be overly optimistic, but certainly don't be scared....she is already scared and needs the laughter and to know SHE is strong and that your proud of her.
Lots of good ideas already but I thought I would share with you what helped get me thru breast cancer. First both my mom and my best friend came to stay with me (not at the same time). My mom watched the dog while I had surgery and radiation. It was a relieve to know that Lucy (the labrador) was at home with good care and I didn't have to worry about her. She was just there.....I wasn't alone and that was a HUGE thing. Not something I would normally have thought about since I do live alone, but having someone in the house just made things seem easier. We didn't talk about cancer or treatment because it was just always in the air. We went to the movies, ate out, etc.
When it was time for chemo, my friend came to stay for three months. We spent alot of time laughing and remembering things we did when we were younger. I had just lost my husband so we avoided talking about him, about cancer, etc. She had a "chemo bag" (her term)....it had biotene, water, gum, meds, and all of those things your supposed to get "just in case" during chemo. She did the driving which was a relieve since my eyesight went south during chemo. I could rely on her for ensuring I had the right schedule for pills, blood work, chemo, followup appt., etc. Food was awful during this time, so she just gently reminded me to eat something...peanut butter, banana's, etc. She basically didn't ask, didn't tell, didn't push, she was just there and did what needed to be done without interfering. She kept me laughing. When I had to shave my head, she got a pink extension in her hair to support BC. We laughed alot. Just being there does a lot. You don't have to ask questions, give directions, etc...it's just your friendship and presence that will help get someone thru it. You don't have to be overly optimistic, but certainly don't be scared....she is already scared and needs the laughter and to know SHE is strong and that your proud of her.
Lots of good ideas already but I thought I would share with you what helped get me thru breast cancer. First both my mom and my best friend came to stay with me (not at the same time). My mom watched the dog while I had surgery and radiation. It was a relieve to know that Lucy (the labrador) was at home with good care and I didn't have to worry about her. She was just there.....I wasn't alone and that was a HUGE thing. Not something I would normally have thought about since I do live alone, but having someone in the house just made things seem easier. We didn't talk about cancer or treatment because it was just always in the air. We went to the movies, ate out, etc.
When it was time for chemo, my friend came to stay for three months. We spent alot of time laughing and remembering things we did when we were younger. I had just lost my husband so we avoided talking about him, about cancer, etc. She had a "chemo bag" (her term)....it had biotene, water, gum, meds, and all of those things your supposed to get "just in case" during chemo. She did the driving which was a relieve since my eyesight went south during chemo. I could rely on her for ensuring I had the right schedule for pills, blood work, chemo, followup appt., etc. Food was awful during this time, so she just gently reminded me to eat something...peanut butter, banana's, etc. She basically didn't ask, didn't tell, didn't push, she was just there and did what needed to be done without interfering. She kept me laughing. When I had to shave my head, she got a pink extension in her hair to support BC. We laughed alot. Just being there does a lot. You don't have to ask questions, give directions, etc...it's just your friendship and presence that will help get someone thru it. You don't have to be overly optimistic, but certainly don't be scared....she is already scared and needs the laughter and to know SHE is strong and that your proud of her.
I could not have done it without my mom. Two days after I got back from the hospital (mastechtomy and expander), the power company came by and wanted to chop on my beloved pecan tree. I was dragging myself painfully out of bed to go argue with them when my mom boiled out and became the angry dragon. Those guys never knew what hit them Needless to say, they never layed a hand on my tree. It was great just to have someone there.
Thanks so much for opening up and sharing your experiences.
Humor is what I'm known for in my family. When I first sent my sister a greeting card after finding out she had breast cancer, I wrote in her card, "I searched for a funny card to send you but it appears I've already purchased all the funny ones." She told me that made her laugh.
mrschilicook, knowing Lucy was taken care of by someone who loves her and she loves too must've been very comforting. I am a dog lover/owner too. My dog is going blind and I hate leaving her any more than I have to. I'm glad that I have loving friends and family to help watch her.
I could not have done it without my mom. Two days after I got back from the hospital (mastechtomy and expander), the power company came by and wanted to chop on my beloved pecan tree. I was dragging myself painfully out of bed to go argue with them when my mom boiled out and became the angry dragon. Those guys never knew what hit them Needless to say, they never layed a hand on my tree. It was great just to have someone there.
OMG, sounds like what my mom would have done for me. My mom will be here for my surgery too.
Thanks so much for opening up and sharing your experiences.
Humor is what I'm known for in my family. When I first sent my sister a greeting card after finding out she had breast cancer, I wrote in her card, "I searched for a funny card to send you but it appears I've already purchased all the funny ones." She told me that made her laugh.
mrschilicook, knowing Lucy was taken care of by someone who loves her and she loves too must've been very comforting. I am a dog lover/owner too. My dog is going blind and I hate leaving her any more than I have to. I'm glad that I have loving friends and family to help watch her.
I would much rather have someone make me laugh than to show pity and feel sorry for me. I'm also not one to sit around and be waited on but apparently, I'm going to have to give in and do it.
Most people don't know what to say or do when you tell them you have cancer. I'm saying this because I'm one of these people. The only thing I could do was to be there for them and now that I'm in the same situation, that's what it boils down too. We all want someone to make us laugh, laugh and laugh and keep the positives up.
I'm a doglover too. I have 3 of them and they are the larger breed dogs. I've had people tell me now that I need to be concerned for myself (and of course I am) but my dogs need care and love too.
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Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book
Needless to say, they never layed a hand on my tree. It was great just to have someone there.
