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So this episode of "As the daughter's world goes down the toilet" is your problem because?
She is a legal adult, she has not lived with you for more than one full year, she has no driver's license, she has no insurance, she was not driving your vehicle and you are not responsible for any of it.
Why do you continue to allow this girl to pull you all by a ring in your nose? She "threw you away" (your words) yet you drop everything and run to try to rescue her.
.
It appears the boyfriend's mother is the one who is going to have to deal with all the legalities of this mess.
I do have a question though, do you enjoy the drama more or the complaining more?
I'm not involving myself in any way in her life. She called us when the accident happened, and we told her we were not responsible for her actions.
Then, a few weeks later we got a letter, sent to her at our address, from the other driver's insurance company. How is that allowing her to "pull us around"?
I started this thread, like I've said before, to get some idea if we have any liability. I said we shredded the letter, and haven't even contacted DD about the issue. A change of address is pending, the next inquiry from the insurance will go to her at her BF address, which she now claims as her's. So how am I enjoying some sort of drama? Seems the opposite, I'm trying very hard to stay out of it! Just in case you misunderstood, we are concerned about OUR liability, not her.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yourearlier post in this thread disagree with your words posted here....
Why do you assume I was making any assumptions? My quote was:
"I think99% of those who have a troubled child (even if that child is legally an adult) would give almost anything to NOT be in that position. Also, it is very difficult for a parent to "just turn his or her back" on the "child", even if it would be in the best interest in the child and/or parent to do so!
"I do understand, though, that until someone has actually been in that position, that it would probably be too difficult to expect someone not in Marylee's position to truly understand. When it comes to your children, sometimes emotion gets in the way of logic and common sense.
"(And, yes, I am writing from personal experience.)"
The only statement that I think you might be referring to about making an assumption is when I said, "I do understand, though, that until someone has actually been in that position, that it would probably be too difficult to expect someone not in Marylee's position to truly understand." Isn't that true of almost any situation? Or are you assuming that I was saying that YOU had not been in that position and I was referring to you personally? (In fact, I was referring to anyone who would judge Marylee without having walked in her her shoes. However, maybe I should have inserted the word "exact" as in her exact situation because when it comes to parents and children, I don't know of any two sets that are exactly the same, which is the point I was trying to make. Do you disagree with that?)
You will also note that I said "think", "probably", "99%" (as opposed to 100%), and "sometimes", so I was just expressing my opinion. In fact, I think the only "absolute" statement I made was that "it is very difficult for a parent to turn his or her back . . ." -- which I think is true. Do you disagree?
In any case, I still contend that unless someone has been in someone else's [exact] position, they would probably NOT be able to understand, unless they are a gifted empath or maybe someone with extensive experience as a psychotherapist. (I do have very strong doubts about the latter, however.)
However, if you took offense at what I wrote, I am sorry.
Last edited by katharsis; 06-24-2015 at 07:04 AM..
BTW, DD is incorrigible. She used to "steal" my car, drive around while I was working from my home office, while not having a license or insurance, she was about 15-16 then. She would also steal my credit cards and "treat herself" to dinner, take friends out, buy clothes, then she was always careful to top off the tank back to where it was, using my credit card! When we discovered what she was doing and notified police, they refused to do anything, almost encouraged her on and all but laughed in our face!
I would think since she is now 18, does not live with us, and has refused to establish a domicile with us, and is driving someone else's car with their implied permission, this should have nothing to do with us. I would just as soon see her go to jail, maybe she would learn a lesson. I've told my kids, if they are involved in a crime, we will NOT go their bail, or in any other way buy their way out. Do the crime, do the time!
DD is an idiot, she's an adult, she didn't want anything to do with you or your husband until this little snafu. I would say tell her good luck and welcome to the real world of being an "adult".
Move on with your life and be happy. Some kids just suck.
DD is an idiot, she's an adult, she didn't want anything to do with you or your husband until this little snafu. I would say tell her good luck and welcome to the real world of being an "adult".
Move on with your life and be happy. Some kids just suck.
That's essentially what we're doing. DD lives in the same town, but completely ignored us for most of the past year. She wouldn't even come over for Christmas! Although I texted her we had some presents for her, she texted back well........maybe she could come by later. I took back the $300+ of presents the next day. she never contacted us. She ignored our birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, all the family holidays that serve to reinforce family ties. She even texted me once "it should be obvious I don't want you in my life. Quit texting me". Ok, we did, except we were still paying for her phone! Family plan, which I immediately dropped.
Then, a few weeks ago, a car accident and.....Hello, Daddy, help! She's lucky we still carry medical insurance on her, although we plan to drop it next open enrollment, which is not until October. No, I'm not pursing a kid who spits in my face
She even told me once, back around last Sept, "do you realize once I turn 18 I can walk out that door and there's nothing you can do about it"? To which I responded "and do you realize I can lock it behind you and there's nothing you can do about that"? I got soooooo sick of that 18 crap. Both kids kept saying they would be 'free" when they turned 18. I told them good luck!
That's essentially what we're doing. DD lives in the same town, but completely ignored us for most of the past year. She wouldn't even come over for Christmas! Although I texted her we had some presents for her, she texted back well........maybe she could come by later. I took back the $300+ of presents the next day. she never contacted us. She ignored our birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, all the family holidays that serve to reinforce family ties. She even texted me once "it should be obvious I don't want you in my life. Quit texting me". Ok, we did, except we were still paying for her phone! Family plan, which I immediately dropped.
Then, a few weeks ago, a car accident and.....Hello, Daddy, help! She's lucky we still carry medical insurance on her, although we plan to drop it next open enrollment, which is not until October. No, I'm not pursing a kid who spits in my face
She even told me once, back around last Sept, "do you realize once I turn 18 I can walk out that door and there's nothing you can do about it"? To which I responded "and do you realize I can lock it behind you and there's nothing you can do about that"? I got soooooo sick of that 18 crap. Both kids kept saying they would be 'free" when they turned 18. I told them good luck!
You and your husband deserve a vacation to distance yourself from this situation. She has made her decision in life - you are not obligated to her anymore. I know this hurts you, I know it does and I truly empathize with what you have gone through with this ungrateful person. She made her bed and has to sleep in it. She values her ugly bf over her flesh and blood family. Some girls are just like this for God knows why. You seem like a caring person and I'm sure you and your husband raised her the best way you could, but some people, deep down inside, are just rotten and there's nothing you can do about it other than move on, change your phone number - heck, why not move.
The only thing I don't understand is.... if she stole your car and your credit cards, why do you think she had permission from the owner of the car? If she did with this woman as she has done to you, she's in big trouble because she stole the car if she took it without permission, that's on her and a crime. Why wasn't the son driving his Mother's car? I think something sounds too fishy with this story and she may be trying to get money from you. I'm not saying "your" story sounds fishy, I'm saying what you're being told isn't the truth. Even if you got a letter from an insurance company, your daughter or her BF may have a crooked friend that's an insurance broker that can fudge the paperwork looking to get a cut of the money for the so-called damage.
sorry you are going through this, some kids do nutty stuff like this and 5 years later you look at them and are still alive and acting like responsible adults. This is not your fault, don't talk to any insurance company about it- you have zero liability for what she did. She wasn't driving your car, you weren't with her, you didn't enable her to drive anyone else's car. Assuming your daughter lived with you at some point, that is how the insurance company got your address. You can google your own name and find out how much public info is available just to the general public & insurance companies have access to far better sources of information.
The only thing I don't understand is.... if she stole your car and your credit cards, why do you think she had permission from the owner of the car? If she did with this woman as she has done to you, she's in big trouble because she stole the car if she took it without permission, that's on her and a crime. Why wasn't the son driving his Mother's car? I think something sounds too fishy with this story and she may be trying to get money from you. I'm not saying "your" story sounds fishy, I'm saying what you're being told isn't the truth. Even if you got a letter from an insurance company, your daughter or her BF may have a crooked friend that's an insurance broker that can fudge the paperwork looking to get a cut of the money for the so-called damage.
I'm sorry she's pulling you into this.
Now this is a good point! As I stated before, the BF was"supposedly" in the car with DD at the time of the accident, as a passenger. DH got there about 30 min after the fact, and said BF was just standing there, didn't say a word. Strange, most men would rather walk around in pink underwear than allow their women to drive while they are pasengers Come to think of it, nothing DH saw actually indicated BF was anywhere near the car when the accident happened. he lives not too far from the accident scene, he could have walked over there in that time.
Insurance fraud is very complicated and intricate. Alas, it happens frequently. I suspected something from the start.......DD has no intention of working honestly when she can scam money easily, like you say, she got her training wheels from scamming us
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When we discovered what she was doing and notified police, they refused to do anything, almost encouraged her on and all but laughed in our face! 
Come to think of it, nothing DH saw actually indicated BF was anywhere near the car when the accident happened. he lives not too far from the accident scene, he could have walked over there in that time.
