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My brother has POA and I hate that I gave the impression that he's demanding that I move over there. He is extremely stressed out, as the lion's share of the work has gone to him and his wife and my main purpose is to take some of the stress off of them. He is just looking at the money and getting really worried that there won't be enough to cover everything and down the road too, but I had another thought tonight--assisted living facilities outside of town seem to be a lot cheaper and she loves the country anyway and she may be more likely to get to keep her dog. We're looking into it.
Not all of them can take alzheimers patients. I hope you find one that works for you.
Stepka, you have my sympathy. Accept another hug, please!
I agree with those who say your daughters take priority. They are old enough to take part in this decision. What do they think about it?
The financial aspect is very important. There have been comments that Medicare will pay nursing home expenses if your Mom outlives her financial assets. That is not true. Medicare will only pay for a limited, very short time after a hospitalization.
Medicaid will pay only after the nursing home resident's money is completely gone and then only what is not covered by the patient's Social Security and other monthly pension income. The patient is allowed to keep only a few dollars per month for incidentals.
Since your Mom apparently has some money and real estate, I second the suggestion to talk with an attorney with expertise in elder law. The Medicaid rules are very specific. If you want her to be eligible for Medicaid, if it comes to that, you need to follow those rules to the letter. That includes what can be done with her assets in (I believe) about the three years before she applies.
One thing that can be done, for example, is to prepay funeral expenses, if she has not already done so.
Another factor to consider is that by moving in with her, you might retain an interest in the second home that would keep it from being sold to make her eligible for Medicaid.
My mother's assets did not quite last long enough, so we did the Medicaid route for a short while before she died. It has been a few years, so I may be hazy on the specifics, but I do not think the basics have changed.
Please make the decision that will be most comfortable to you after your Mom is gone.
And for you young whippersnappers out there, consider long term care insurance to cover potential nursing home needs. It's relatively inexpensive if you buy it sooner rather than later.
I've been in your shoes. Taking in my mother almost cost me my marriage and definitely impacted my children in a negative way. My health was severely compromised. I do not recommend it.
Most assisted living patients are mentally impaired these days. Any admin person will tell you that. Sounds like she is not anywhere near ready fo nursing home.
the best thing would be to hire somebody to be with her and give your brother and SIL a break in the day to day details. Free room and board to a college student would look pretty good if your Mom is not hostile or running away from home.
By all means insist your brother and you neet with financial elder care estate person to map out a plan. Hoping and praying in the dark is not the way to go. Elder care sttys are everywhere-it is a big industry now and surely you can get somebody to help you see.
Do not make your daughter pay the price for this situation. That would be wrong. She is at a very vulnerable age and graduating with her class is so important. Don't make her move. please don't.
And for you young whippersnappers out there, consider long term care insurance to cover potential nursing home needs. It's relatively inexpensive if you buy it sooner rather than later.
sorry, not trying to steal thread but,
what is this? I am not a young whipper snapper, I am middle aged, but this insurance seems interesting to me. Is it like term life? how does it work? who offers it?
sorry, not trying to steal thread but,
what is this? I am not a young whipper snapper, I am middle aged, but this insurance seems interesting to me. Is it like term life? how does it work? who offers it?
Caregiving Resource Center: What Is Long-term Care Insurance? -- AARP (http://www.aarp.org/relationships/caregiving-resource-center/info-11-2010/lfm_what_is_long_term_care_insurance.html - broken link)
You can get quotes online via google just like obtaining car insurance quotes.
sorry, not trying to steal thread but,
what is this? I am not a young whipper snapper, I am middle aged, but this insurance seems interesting to me. Is it like term life? how does it work? who offers it?
Long term care insurance is specifically for the situation that Stepka's Mom is in. It will pay for care at home or in assisted living or a nursing home.
There are many alternatives to look at that do not cost a lot of money. My MIL lived in a small group home, with about eight other seniors, they shared a room. It was very inexpensive. Is your Mom a veteran? Maybe you need to talk to someone about options available. Usually Adult Protective Services can suggest a Social Worker who specializes in placement, and can give you some alternatives you have not considered.
There are many alternatives to look at that do not cost a lot of money. My MIL lived in a small group home, with about eight other seniors, they shared a room. It was very inexpensive. Is your Mom a veteran? Maybe you need to talk to someone about options available. Usually Adult Protective Services can suggest a Social Worker who specializes in placement, and can give you some alternatives you have not considered.
No, not a veteran, but yes, the town she's in has many great resources--it's just that we're having to move so fast--we never thought that things could get so messed up so quickly. Though we think a lot of that may be due to the fact that we've been having to move her around so much and there have been so many changes in her life lately and hopefully this will level off.
I have talked to my dd's. My older one says she's thinking about getting an apt with a friend anyway but my younger one does not want to move. The opinion of the younger one matters more right now b/c she's still in high school. I am seriously leaning away from moving right now--it just really, really hurt having to walk away from her on Sunday and know that I was leaving her at home alone and that in itself is very stressful.
enlist the help of neighbors, church and social friends, parents of her classmates, local social service people to make sure your daughter is comfortable and safe while you are not there. Maybe a college student to live with her during the week or somebody who needs living arrangements during the week. do a lot of good vetting. Even an elderly woman -but in good health- would like to have a home with not too much responsibility. there are ways to make this work for everybody. good luck
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