Boomer aging causing caregiver stress among adult kids (siblings, Medicare, facility)

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by BJW50

I would rather wonder off as well. I would prefer being in a nursing home being cared for strangers than my children. They have lives and I do not want to live with them or have them live with me.

I'm with you on that. I can't imagine a worse fate than living with any of my children. I also wouldn't want any of them living with me. If I get to the stage that I can't manage and neither can my wife manage for me, hopefully I'll be able to get space in one of my state's veterans homes/nursing homes.

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by BJW50

I would rather wonder off as well. I would prefer being in a nursing home being cared for strangers than my children. They have lives and I do not want to live with them or have them live with me.

Let's be realistic. If we are at the point of needing a nursing home with skilled nursing, there would be no way a family member could care for us in their home or ours. Administering meds and bedpans is NOT something a family member is likely to do. If we are independent and mobile, we might live with an adult kid. But as soon as we are not, it's off to the nursing home anyway. Most of us would never allow our kids to take care of us at the "nursing home" stage. What a prospect.

[LauraC]

I'd be more worried about the 20 something year olds still living with their parents. Which is more likely? Mom and dad having to be taken care of by their children or 25 year old junior being taken care of by mom and dad?

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by LauraC

I'd be more worried about the 20 something year olds still living with their parents. Which is more likely? Mom and dad having to be taken care of by their children or 25 year old junior being taken care of by mom and dad?

Maybe they will be taking care of each other. I know of one woman my age who lives with her mother due to her own financial need, and it's a good thing she's there otherwise the mother would have to be in assisted living. But i doubt that a much younger daughter or son would take on the caregiving task--our generation seems to have more of a feeling of duty toward that, and the know-how.

[BJW50]

Originally Posted by newenglandgirl

Let's be realistic. If we are at the point of needing a nursing home with skilled nursing, there would be no way a family member could care for us in their home or ours. Administering meds and bedpans is NOT something a family member is likely to do. If we are independent and mobile, we might live with an adult kid. But as soon as we are not, it's off to the nursing home anyway. Most of us would never allow our kids to take care of us at the "nursing home" stage. What a prospect.

Even if I am independent and mobile I wouldn't want to live with them or have them live with me.

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by BJW50

Even if I am independent and mobile I wouldn't want to live with them or have them live with me.

I don't think you have to worry about this. Today's younger adults are generally not at all as concerned about their aging parents as we were toward ours. W'ere lucky if we get "hi how are you" phone calls and a birthday card. Something in the way we raised our kids, and who knows it may be a good thing, freeing on both ends. Times have changed.

[Osito]

Originally Posted by newenglandgirl

As baby boomers retire, a focus on caregivers - CNN.com

I didn't know there are 72 million of us!

What a burden we're becoming on the healthcare system, and even our families. Can't they just ship us to the planet they just discovered?

Don't be so hard on yourself, every generation his gone through this. Things are no doubt harder with these tough economic times. I read Gen X has really felt it, raising kids and caring for aging parents, but it's often beyond people's control. Getting old sucks I guess.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Osito

Don't be so hard on yourself, every generation his gone through this. Things are no doubt harder with these tough economic times. I read Gen X has really felt it, raising kids and caring for aging parents, but it's often beyond people's control. Getting old sucks I guess.

Perhaps, but it still beats the inevitable alternative. I consider myself lucky to be experiencing and despite a few aches and pains that have come with the process there is plenty to take joy in.

[newenglandgirl]

today's report

Millions now manage aging parents' care from afar - Health - Aging - msnbc.com

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by newenglandgirl

today's report

Millions now manage aging parents' care from afar - Health - Aging - msnbc.com

Decidedly a major concern for many in this day-and-age of such mobility and so many living some distance from aging parents and others. In a sense I guess it's a mixed blessing that both my parents died over 20 years ag, my wife's father 18 years ago while her mother did so about a year before we moved 2,000 miles away. Not what we would have wished for either set of parents but just the reality.

That leaves us as the oldest generation in the families and about 750 miles away from the closest children - 2,000 miles from the rest. At some point in time we may be their cause for concern but we certainly hope not. It's just something we/they will have to confront if and when the time comes. It's not something we're going to agonize over nor, hopefully, will they.

But true to form, my middle daughter moved her mother from Colorado, where she'd been living, back to Northern California where she lives when it was clear she needed to be institutionalized due to early-onset dementia some years ago. Her mother is not likely cognizant of the change but my daughter(s) likely derive some modicum of comfort from the closer proximity.