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Yes, for the veteran/widow. My mother-in-law's only income is SS, so she's well within the range. Also, net assets have to be, I think, less than 80K, excluding house and car.
I cannot tell you how helpful this info has been. I am working on some research on resources to assist with seniors aging "in place," amd family members who are assisting in their daily care.
Finding out what is available is a state by state search, and having access to this federal program is very helpful, indeed. I am finding that it is not easy to uncover these resources.
My observation is that caregivers are waaay more susceptible to illness because they are overworked and unappreciated. My mother cared for my dad - until his death - at home. She put off her mammogram 6 months because of everything that was happening. At her subsequent mammogram - she was found to have breast cancer.
She leaned on my older brother who took the mantle - along with another brother and two sisters (who at the time all lived in the same city as mom)... My older brother almost lost his job he was responding to mom too often. She had him on speed dial. She had the tumor removed and was on tamoxifen for the required 5 years - but she leaned so heavily on my brother..... within months he was diagnosed with throat cancer.
I'm telling you - caring for a loved one is so incredibly stressful - it will wreck your immune system. Mom is now approaching 92 years old - and is in a nursing home -where she belongs. My brother is cancer free after radiation treatments.
I don't live in that hometown - and I have inlaws in their early 90's who are about to fall apart themselves.... Their plan is assistive living (they can afford it). I know I would NOT tolerate taking care of my motherinlaw.
Well, this is a subject I could write about for a long, long time....from first-hand experience. My husband (who passed away 4-1-12) received his medical care from the VA for the past 12 years, in Prescott, AZ and Murfreesboro, TN. Boy oh boy, the stories and experiences I could tell you all. Maybe someday.
I am convinced that the VA does NOT want people to know about the many programs available to veterans. We found out quite by accident of the Aid & Attendance Program. My husband, unfortunately, did not qualify as he did not serve during an active period of war. That is the first hurdle to qualify. But there is another law that was passed in 2010 by Obama, the Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act of 2010. While living in TN, we received a notice from the Prescott, AZ VA about the possibility of my DH being qualified. When we called the Murfreesboro, TN VA to inquire about it, NO ONE knew anything about it. This bill had been in effect for a year, yet no one that worked at the VA knew anything about it. SO TYPICAL!!!
What we found out about this bill (due to our own research), is that the veteran has to have served POST 911, or else you did not qualify. One other part of this bill, however, states that if your doctor states that you (the veteran) are "catastrophically disabled," you are eligible to receive your care, including office visits, hospital stays, medications, etc. AT NO COST TO THE VETERAN. Fortunately, his doctor signed off that he was indeed "cd," and for the last year or so of his life, he had no cost for anything. This was a godsend for us to say the least. Sadly, no one else that we know that is a veteran...knew anything about this bill.
I urge anyone reading this....if you know of a veteran that may be eligible for either of these programs, please call the VA, do research online, be persistent until you get an answer. I know there are thousands out there that will qualify and have no clue that these programs exist. They can be a godsend to so many who are qualified and in need of additional help.
To show you how the VA operates, when my DH passed away, I notified his Primary Care Physician, his Anti-Coag Doctor (he was on Coumadin), and his Diabetes Doctor. They were all nice enough to send a condolence card to me. Early this week, I received a notice in the mail of an upcoming appointment he had, and today I received a message on the answering machine, reminding him of another upcoming appointment. I consider that to be unexcusable and inconsiderate, and highly upsetting. So typical of the VA!
I will write more another time about my experience as a caregiver. It is quite an adjustment to no longer be one.
First of all, my sincere condolences in the loss of your husband. I can only imagine your loss and what a long road this has been. It is salt to the wounds to have such callous incidences occur as you described. I just wonder how organized the VA is to handle records so poorly and with such insensitivity.
I am going to start digging on info and what the qualifications are for participation. Home care is such a financial burden -- and physically, so many of us are simply unable to meet the demands 24/7. All the resources available are so needed, but finding them is a discouraging search.
My observation is that caregivers are waaay more susceptible to illness because they are overworked and unappreciated. My mother cared for my dad - until his death - at home. She put off her mammogram 6 months because of everything that was happening. At her subsequent mammogram - she was found to have breast cancer.
She leaned on my older brother who took the mantle - along with another brother and two sisters (who at the time all lived in the same city as mom)... My older brother almost lost his job he was responding to mom too often. She had him on speed dial. She had the tumor removed and was on tamoxifen for the required 5 years - but she leaned so heavily on my brother..... within months he was diagnosed with throat cancer.
I'm telling you - caring for a loved one is so incredibly stressful - it will wreck your immune system. Mom is now approaching 92 years old - and is in a nursing home -where she belongs. My brother is cancer free after radiation treatments.
I don't live in that hometown - and I have inlaws in their early 90's who are about to fall apart themselves.... Their plan is assistive living (they can afford it). I know I would NOT tolerate taking care of my motherinlaw.
I fear the scenario you described is occurring much more frequently than most of us are aware. And you are correct -- caregiving can be devastating to one's immune system.
Thank god your inlaws will be able to go into AL -- a very good support system if folks have the resources to manage it. I am a licensed nursing home administrator but not currently active in the field. So I am very aware of the costs involved with longterm care.
My interest is in helping folks age in place as long as possible, if that is what family members choose. I have worked with communities in the past to establish adult daycare centers and respite services and I am convinced that the progress I envisioned inthe 80s has simply not come to fruition in most communities. I am very concerned about Boomers who are currently caregivers and will soon have their own health issues. I don't see the resources in place unless one is indigent, which means completely wrecking the spouse's finances in order to qualify for state asistance. Very demoralizing!
There has to be a better way and so I am trying to put together information and a map for those facing these decisions. We may plan for retirement, but even if we have longterm care insurance, no one can ever be fully prepared for the many scenarios that can occur with our own health or that of a family member--which can completely deplete us, emotionally and physically, as well as financially.
Why is "mean person A" more important than "nice person B?"
I honestly don't understand the imbalance between someone who just takes and another person who just gives.
Why is the caregiver's health less important than the ancient one?
Folks who are caretaking are valuing the life of "the ancient one." And nursing homes have been created specifially to allow folks a dignified setting with round the clock care.
Of course, we should state that one does not have to be elderly to require caretaking. A stroke or accident as well as many diseases can mean a person becomes non-ambulatory and in need of 24/7 care.
Folks who are caretaking are valuing the life of "the ancient one." And nursing homes have been created specifially to allow folks a dignified setting with round the clock care.
Of course, we should state that one does not have to be elderly to require caretaking. A stroke or accident as well as many diseases can mean a person becomes non-ambulatory and in need of 24/7 care.
The questions I asked are more philosophical in nature . . .I know that people caregive out of love, obligation, expectation, other . . .nursing homes are big business, not humanitarian . . . maybe utilitarian . . .
The questions I posed are serious questions that I think people should try to honestly answer . . . the question of why the caregiver's health is of no concern to society is a good one . . . the focus is on the ancient one, who might be living artificially (in other words without medical intervention, they would have died . . . that decision to keep people ALIVE no matter what needs to be questioned . . .it might not be out of benevolence, but out of greed (doctors, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, labs, etc. - on the subconscious level . . . big business . . .as a society we don't think too deeply about anything, so it just seems like "this is the way it is" and the "way it should be."
Says who?
I want to know why caregivers - who are mainly women (and we all know women are expendable in our society) are EXPECTED to sacrifice YEARS of their lives . . .it is a rare male who would make such a sacrifice . . .
The questions I asked are more philosophical in nature . . .I know that people caregive out of love, obligation, expectation, other . . .nursing homes are big business, not humanitarian . . . maybe utilitarian . . .
The questions I posed are serious questions that I think people should try to honestly answer . . . the question of why the caregiver's health is of no concern to society is a good one . . . the focus is on the ancient one, who might be living artificially (in other words without medical intervention, they would have died . . . that decision to keep people ALIVE no matter what needs to be questioned . . .it might not be out of benevolence, but out of greed (doctors, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, labs, etc. - on the subconscious level . . . big business . . .as a society we don't think too deeply about anything, so it just seems like "this is the way it is" and the "way it should be."
Says who?
I want to know why caregivers - who are mainly women (and we all know women are expendable in our society) are EXPECTED to sacrifice YEARS of their lives . . .it is a rare male who would make such a sacrifice . . .
So, back to the questions I posed . . .
Well, taking the discussion in that direction is more or less creating a subtopic. If you want to discuss this aspect in depth, perhaps we should start another thread?
I did not post this thread to get into the sociological implications of the deteriorating nuclear family post WWII, nor to discuss the gender roles of care-taking or the deeper anthropologic implications of these roles. I definitely think that would be an interesting discussion, and there has certainly been published research and studies on those topics, but I would prefer keeping this thread focused on real life experiences and info about resources and options, for both the caretaker and the cared-for.
I always read about respite care but I lived in a rural area where there was nothing like that available. And I never got a dime. I paid for everything forever. I took the financial hit and it was hell on my marriage/personal life too. When the will was read, everything was split between me and my sister. She never did a thing and lived thousands of miles away so she could have a life. She would come visit for the weekend a couple times a year. And to this day, my sister says 50/50 was 'fair'. Right.
In retrospect, I should have had a legal agreement with my parents. I was dumb.
There is just no way to make sense of the incredible selfishness of some people. Had I been your sister, I would have been making financial contributions right along in lieu of being there to help physically. Also, I would have given you part of my 50% of the inheritance in recognition for the many sacrifices you made.
Thanks for the response newenglandgirl. We have no children. She alienated her siblings and mother by being mean, verbally, never physical. She was able to chase them away in quick order (thin skinned) but I stuck around for good reasons. She was the most gentle, shy person I ever met. She hates what happened to her health, takes it out on herself and me, feels great guilt. Her continueous pain is causing delusions. We live in Fairfax, Virginia. Thanks again.
With Fairfax being so well to do, I would imagine there's lots of respite options for you. Perhaps contact your local council on aging to find out what's available to you. You cannot carry this burden alone for very long, it may affect your own health.
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