A Life Worth Ending (power of attorney, handicapped, parent, spouse)

[Heidi60]

Originally Posted by forum_browser

If someone is depressed to the point of being suicidal, why is a psychiatric evaluation not called for? Why would providing treatment to alleviate the depression be a bad thing?

I understand your point and agree with you. However, the world has some predatory people making elder care decisions and they are the ones who need the psych evaluation.

Sadly, there are no clear cut answers for all life situations so motives need to be considered as was evidenced by some prior posts. I wish all could be treated with kindness and compassion but life doesn't always work that way.

[Saritaschihuahua]

Your mention of kindness and compassion brought this to mind, and I hope this doesn't veer a whole lot from the topic, but I am currently reading a book titled, The 36-Hour Day, which is a guide to dementias and Alzheimer's. This is the most wonderful book! It was recommended to me by 2 friends. The focus of the book is understanding the person with dementia and Alzheimer's.

What I am getting out of it so far is that people with dementia and Alzheimer's are still the same people, but with an illness that slowly damages their brain. However, many of the behaviors they engage in, and the reactions they have, might be difficult to understand. Well, this book helps one understand them, so we don't become exasperated with them. Our eyes sometimes fool us because we believe that because Alzheimer's sufferers are able to walk, talk, and often even socialize, that they are in control of themselves, and that they should be held responsible for the things they say and the things they do, and that's not at all the case. The book explains that very well. However, to me, the most important message in the book is that respect toward the Alzheimer's sufferer is very important.

Originally Posted by Heidi60

I understand your point and agree with you. However, the world has some predatory people making elder care decisions and they are the ones who need the psych evaluation.

Sadly, there are no clear cut answers for all life situations so motives need to be considered as was evidenced by some prior posts. I wish all could be treated with kindness and compassion but life doesn't always work that way.

[brightdoglover]

Just arranged to take my 87-year-old father to a nursing home Saturday under hospice/palliative care. Living alone, very sharp,and walking two miles a day until a sudden dx of metastatic liver/pancreas CA. He's mad-planned to have a sudden heart attack.
We were going to make up "DNR/DNI/no hospitalization" signs for his bed, his shirt and chart. The home has a hot pink armband for him and others like him so no one will mistakenly try to save him in any way. Hospice is wonderful. I gather that often there are family fights about treatment, money, etc. I am very grateful that there is no dementia (that would be the worst- I've seen it at my job) and my father doesn't have a red cent, so it's all very calm. He's ready to go, never wanted the family curse of cancer, didn't see a doctor since the Battle of the Bulge. Seems a lot of people are having their elders going lately, at least in my age group. I'll miss him, and it's very poignant for all of us.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by brightdoglover

Just arranged to take my 87-year-old father to a nursing home Saturday under hospice/palliative care. Living alone, very sharp,and walking two miles a day until a sudden dx of metastatic liver/pancreas CA. He's mad-planned to have a sudden heart attack.
We were going to make up "DNR/DNI/no hospitalization" signs for his bed, his shirt and chart. The home has a hot pink armband for him and others like him so no one will mistakenly try to save him in any way. Hospice is wonderful. I gather that often there are family fights about treatment, money, etc. I am very grateful that there is no dementia (that would be the worst- I've seen it at my job) and my father doesn't have a red cent, so it's all very calm. He's ready to go, never wanted the family curse of cancer, didn't see a doctor since the Battle of the Bulge. Seems a lot of people are having their elders going lately, at least in my age group. I'll miss him, and it's very poignant for all of us.

Ahh Bright, I'm sorry to hear about your Father. Hospice is wonderful and under hospice care - everyone will respect his DNR. Your father sounds like a good guy; it's good that he's ready if it appears that his time is running out.

[Heidi60]

Originally Posted by brightdoglover

Just arranged to take my 87-year-old father to a nursing home Saturday under hospice/palliative care. Living alone, very sharp,and walking two miles a day until a sudden dx of metastatic liver/pancreas CA. He's mad-planned to have a sudden heart attack.
We were going to make up "DNR/DNI/no hospitalization" signs for his bed, his shirt and chart. The home has a hot pink armband for him and others like him so no one will mistakenly try to save him in any way. Hospice is wonderful. I gather that often there are family fights about treatment, money, etc. I am very grateful that there is no dementia (that would be the worst- I've seen it at my job) and my father doesn't have a red cent, so it's all very calm. He's ready to go, never wanted the family curse of cancer, didn't see a doctor since the Battle of the Bulge. Seems a lot of people are having their elders going lately, at least in my age group. I'll miss him, and it's very poignant for all of us.

Sometimes, I don't have the right words so all can tell you is that you are not alone. Now, if only there were more like you in the world. Don't forget to take care of yourself also, that is important.

Sarita----I was introduced to 36 Hour Day about twelve years ago as well as Alzheimers. The book is great, the disease sucks. Yes, we went through the inappropriate behavior, and very hositle one moment, and fine the next. Never knew from one moment to the next which emotion would come out but eventually that stage also passed in the downward spiral.

Are you a caretaker for somone with Alzheimers?

[Saritaschihuahua]

Yes. My mom has dementia of some type. We have yet not received an official diagnosis, as she has refused to be diagnosed. She has the mood changes, the short-term memory loss, all the typical signs. My 2 friends who have been through it have told me it sounds exactly like what they went through. The disease is awful. I see it as our enemy, taking our mom away from us. My greatest fear is her being afraid. Yes, all that. The worst thing is hearing her apologize, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I don't want her to apologize. It's not her fault she's ill.

Originally Posted by Heidi60

Sometimes, I don't have the right words so all can tell you is that you are not alone. Now, if only there were more like you in the world. Don't forget to take care of yourself also, that is important.

Sarita----I was introduced to 36 Hour Day about twelve years ago as well as Alzheimers. The book is great, the disease sucks. Yes, we went through the inappropriate behavior, and very hostile one moment, and fine the next. Never knew from one moment to the next which emotion would come out but eventually that stage also passed in the downward spiral.

Are you a caretaker for somone with Alzheimers?

[Sgt. Buzzcut]

Speaking of elder abuse my g/f has primarily worked nursing homes all her nursing career. Upon returning Monday night after the weekend off, apparently an elderly black man over the weekend was seen frantically flailing his arms like crazy in panic in bed. Two CNA's stared stupified and dumbfounded on what he was trying to say and the arms flailing. Turns out he was choking on one of his dentures, he was 911'ed out of there.

After hearing the story, I just got real sad and couldn't imagine the horror of having to endure that. The significance of his race is that we live in one of the whitest counties in FL and there's no shortage of confederate flags around her. It wasn't clear whether this was intentional or an accident, ( the family had alerted his dentists the dentures were problamatic in the past). Either way accident or intentional some people have no business caring for the elderly, everyone on that floor that night should have there licenses suspended for good IMO.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by Heidi60

Rose, I hope your neighbor's situation resolves soon as it does sound like an unpleasant way to live.

He called me very early yesterday morning but I wasn't awake to talk. Something tells me that it's gotten a lot worst.
He lost his lady friend 2 years ago; 3 weeks later he had a bad fall (moving his belongings home after she passed) where he broke ribs & punctured his lung. It was touch & go; they didn't think he'd be able to live alone again. His only son has been gone almost 15 years; he has 1 sister left (out of 12 kids) he has not made her his medical POA; he has 3 step-daughters that he would not let make decisions; which leaves one niece (out of many) he used to be close to & he's very unhappy with her actions during his fall.

I worry because if he has another fall; there may be no one to step up. I had him for 3 weeks after his hospital/rehab stay & he would not deal with this. This is where I saw what appear to be signs of dementia. He's fine as long as he controls the situation but the minute he has to "think" he starts shaking; you can see it on his face that his brain is in over-load & he starts getting nasty; which is not something he usually does with me. He even flipped out on me when I drove him over an hour home & stopped to get his mail at the post office; he wasn't getting out quick; I said nothing; yet he had an episode & flipped; saying I was rushing him. He also said he felt like he was being held hostage at my house & when my hub offered to take him home the next day; he said no.

I was able to get him to fill out 5 wishes; but I don't have a copy. I tried to get him to look at the new vets home near me but he was not open to it. He has no game plan at 89 years old. I especially worry because of the neighbor stress.

[brightdoglover]

Regarding the unfortunate neighbor, his best hope is to be taken to an ER for whatever and be evaluated for geri-psych, and seen by social work, and likely be given an appointed guardian ad litem, who will make his decisions for him (and possible placement). If he has no assets, they'll put him in for Medicaid, if assets, they have to be spent down before Medicaid kicks in. I know every state varies in the specifics, but without the above, some 911 call/fall will get him in the ER one way or the other.
To answer, I work in a psychiatric hospital with several services, including admissions and dementia. I have seen end-stage dementia, have taken part in comfort-care-only dementia patients. I also worked for two years in an AIDS hospice 20 years ago. I think I'm pretty clear on the concepts, but not very good at understanding histrionic/upset/unpleasant reactions.
Thank you for the good wishes for my father. He's cool about all of it, justwants to be sure his plaqueover his ashes at the V.A.cemetery has a Jewish star on it, "to show that Jews fought back."
Thank a veteran every chance you get,especially the oldsters from WW2. They all tried to do their duty and many were so abused by politicians, and even when they weren't, it's still an unimaginable thing for us civilians to comprehent. Welcome home, all vets of all ages.

[Heidi60]

There are some very touching stories here.

It makes me concerned about what will happen to me when I grow older. End stage dementa, as mentioned above, isn't something I would look forward to.

Memory Fitness and the Memory Bible have some great information regarding memory issues. I do hope they find some cures for some of this soon.

I was surprised when my dog also developed dementia. I don't mean to go off subject here, but it was heart breaking when I would hold her in my lap and look into her beautiful eyes but could see that she just wasn't there. An hour later, she would back but it was sad to see her go in and out of reality.