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Can anyone address the signs of dementia starting? I'm wondering this with my own dad as there's some subtle things showing. It makes me wonder if it isn't really subtle in some folks for awhile like in our area the famous basketball Pat Summit recently retired because of dementia and she wasn't that old. I think early 60's, when they interviewed her she came across perfectly normal & highly intelligent. So there must be subtle things affected her abilities for her to be asked to retire.
Also is it true people will act the opposite of their normal personality if they get dementia? My doctor told me this as she was relaying a story how her MIL used to hate her & was very ugly, but after she got dementia she behave really sweet towards her. So oddly the dementia she said had turned into a pleasant thing in that respect. Then a relative of mine who was always a quiet, mild mannered man turned violent after he got dementia and since he was 6 ft 5 his wife could not safely handle him so he had to be locked up in a special Alzheimers unit as he was so dangerous. He died just a few weeks later.
People getting dementia are as different as people that aren't. The use of logical thought seems to be about the most common problem. Their reality is different.
They don't always act the opposite of their normal selves. Some simply have personalities that just get worse. The liar reaches a point where they can't tell the truth even to themselves. The loud person becomes quiet or the quiet person retreats until you can't reach them. The stubborn ones get more and more stubborn.
When the families look back, they can pick up clues along the way. But too often, we don't notice these things when they happen.
Can anyone address the signs of dementia starting? I'm wondering this with my own dad as there's some subtle things showing. It makes me wonder if it isn't really subtle in some folks for awhile like in our area the famous basketball Pat Summit recently retired because of dementia and she wasn't that old. I think early 60's, when they interviewed her she came across perfectly normal & highly intelligent. So there must be subtle things affected her abilities for her to be asked to retire.
Also is it true people will act the opposite of their normal personality if they get dementia? My doctor told me this as she was relaying a story how her MIL used to hate her & was very ugly, but after she got dementia she behave really sweet towards her. So oddly the dementia she said had turned into a pleasant thing in that respect. Then a relative of mine who was always a quiet, mild mannered man turned violent after he got dementia and since he was 6 ft 5 his wife could not safely handle him so he had to be locked up in a special Alzheimers unit as he was so dangerous. He died just a few weeks later.
Sure. Please be aware that Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia are not normal aspects of aging as many people believe. They are disease processes, and they are very individual in sympomatology.
There are very good reasons to have your dad assessed for dementia, Wembley. People think that "no news is good news" and if we ignore it, we don't have to face the fact that dad has an irreversible condition. Please make sure in the assessment they test for depression, adverse effects of medications, and other issues that might bring on symptoms that appear to be dementia. If the depression is properly dealt with (extremely common side effect of meds or prostate problems), the dementia may clear. It is extremely important that you insist on a wide array of testing, because once a dementia diagnosis is made, it is almost impossible to have it reversed. I have had residents who entered the locked dementia ward after surgery because that was part of their diagnosis -- as their post-op health improved the dementia cleared...but guess what? They still carry the diagnosis, and it is hard for any assisted-living facility to see beyond that. This is very very sad, can you imagine?
Also, if your dad does have early-onset dementia, there are med patches out there that can slow the progression of the disease for a while. I won't name the brands here, but you should def. ask about them.
In terms of symptoms, the most important thing I need to say -- is don't stress Dad out by insisting he DOES remember so-and-so, and he DOES know the way to the grocery store. This is why they hide, and pretend, and become paranoid that people are out to get them. Just make a mental note of the incidents of Dad's forgetting and talk it over with the dr.
There are lots of lists of symptoms on the alz.org pages, and related sites. Please look at all those. Dementia not caused by Alzheimer's can present very differently, and there are lots of forms of dementia out there, but mostly they are categorized by loss of short-term memory first and then long-term memory and executive functioning. (frontal lobe).
No more time, have spent too much time on this board today, but best of luck!
I want to thank all of you again for the advice and suggestions. I am truly trying to do the things that all of you suggested. This is the hardest thing that I have had to deal with in my lifetime. I don't know how some of you did this for a long period of time. I am exhausted after only a few months. At times I feel that death would be better than dementia, but then she is still with me and that is something I guess.
Dear Scotty -- Please take care of yourself and don't get worn down. Seek help with your wife and her wandering soon, and check back and let us know how you are doing and what is going on with her.
Dear Scotty -- Please take care of yourself and don't get worn down. Seek help with your wife and her wandering soon, and check back and let us know how you are doing and what is going on with her.
Be well, hon.
Thank you b, I will do that, she is scheduled to go back to the Neurologist soon and I will ask for medication.
Recognize that if they could do better, they would. Patience, love, and understanding are critical. My dad is struggling with this now, and it is heartwrenching to witness this once dignified and proud man go down in this manner. I love him and try to make sure he knows that with my words and my actions.
He's in assisted living now. I make sure all of his caregivers know that I appreciate them, and I try to check on him every other day. When I talk to him on the phone, I let him decide what to talk about and I focus on those topics which give him joy. When I am able to see him, I treat him like the king tht he is. I take him places with me every day, and talk about earlier times. We spend the entire day together. He still loves classical music, so I play his favorites while we're together. I know what movies he likes to watch and all of his favorite topics to talk about. I also make sure that he is well-groomed, shaven, and looks dignified, since this is how he always preferred to look. The last time I saw him, I took all of his slacks out of his closet because I noticed that the hem had come out of most of them. I sat in my hotel room at 3am, hemming all of his slacks while he slept. I buy anything I think will make him comfortable.
He lived with my brother for a time, but it became very difficult to care for him. Better for him to be in a place where there are nurses present and trained professionals. He seems to appreciate where he is now and this is important. His surroundings are familiar to him and this gives him comfort too.
About when his dementia started, I noticed that he as beginning to repeat himself a great deal, and no matter what we started to talk about, he would always go back to the past. He would take a long time to order food too when we went to a restaurant. Finally, he told me over the phone that he had driven somewhere and seen people who I knew had been dead for over 20 years. This is when I knew that something was wrong. Tragic.
I want to thank all of you again for the advice and suggestions. I am truly trying to do the things that all of you suggested. This is the hardest thing that I have had to deal with in my lifetime. I don't know how some of you did this for a long period of time. I am exhausted after only a few months. At times I feel that death would be better than dementia, but then she is still with me and that is something I guess.
Does she still know who you are ... your name and you are her husband? Do you have children?
To take this on, all by yourself is a difficult task. My mother-in-law had dementia and we took her in to live with us. We had one child left at home at the time and believe me it was a nightmare for all of us ... trying to keep up with her and keep her safe.
We have a security alarm system that we had to stop using she tried to get out so often. Then we ended up our front door had five locks on it, the back door had four. She had to go home where was her car keys, she had to go to the store, eventually it was just I need to go ... this was day and night.
Her doctor tried different meds to help her sleep but she was so restless and on the meds she would scream in the middle of the night.
It is terrible to watch a person that has been active, self-sufficient ... I mean this lady painted her own house, had a beautiful garden every year and eventually didn't know her own name or our names, the strangers trying to keep her safe
She stopped eating, she wouldn't eat anything I prepared. She started losing weight, her potassium level dropped and had to go into the hospital. Her doctor advised us then we needed to put her in a home where she could get medical attention.
I hope you have someone to help you ... to give you a break as you will need this as the dementia advances. It doesn't get better only worse. I have told our children, if I get dementia and don't know who you are or my own name ... you put me somewhere don't try to keep me.
Recognize that if they could do better, they would. Patience, love, and understanding are critical. My dad is struggling with this now, and it is heartwrenching to witness this once dignified and proud man go down in this manner. I love him and try to make sure he knows that with my words and my actions.
He's in assisted living now. I make sure all of his caregivers know that I appreciate them, and I try to check on him every other day. When I talk to him on the phone, I let him decide what to talk about and I focus on those topics which give him joy. When I am able to see him, I treat him like the king tht he is. I take him places with me every day, and talk about earlier times. We spend the entire day together. He still loves classical music, so I play his favorites while we're together. I know what movies he likes to watch and all of his favorite topics to talk about. I also make sure that he is well-groomed, shaven, and looks dignified, since this is how he always preferred to look. The last time I saw him, I took all of his slacks out of his closet because I noticed that the hem had come out of most of them. I sat in my hotel room at 3am, hemming all of his slacks while he slept. I buy anything I think will make him comfortable.
He lived with my brother for a time, but it became very difficult to care for him. Better for him to be in a place where there are nurses present and trained professionals. He seems to appreciate where he is now and this is important. His surroundings are familiar to him and this gives him comfort too.
About when his dementia started, I noticed that he as beginning to repeat himself a great deal, and no matter what we started to talk about, he would always go back to the past. He would take a long time to order food too when we went to a restaurant. Finally, he told me over the phone that he had driven somewhere and seen people who I knew had been dead for over 20 years. This is when I knew that something was wrong. Tragic.
What a wonderful daughter (or son?) you are!!! I would rep you a thousand times were it possible.
This post is an absolute model of caring for a parent with dementia when he or she can no longer live with you or alone. You have found just the right place for him and you are honoring him in large and small ways.
Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease is awful. I lived with it for years before my spouse died. The Alzeheimer drug made a big difference in the end. The last year was wild. Until the drugs my made hid stuff and accused me of stealing. Death was a blessing. I'm still looking for the money that was hidden. I personally think the best plan is to leave them at peace as much as possible -- if it is possible.
Dementia is tough b/c the afflicted person no longer thinks like they used to. Wandering is a top problem. Adult day care as previously mentioned is a good choice. You might also look into a care giver (non-medical)--someone who can be a daytime companion and accompany your loved one to a variety of activities. At some point though, you might need to move her to a senikor community that specializes in memory care. They usually have a wing that is "locked" and staff that are trained to help people w/ dementia. Good luck in your journey.
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, I will do that, she is scheduled to go back to the Neurologist soon and I will ask for medication.
